Child Abuse Story From Emmarlia

by Emmarlia
(Australia and New Zealand)

Year 2000, i was 9,cute,smiled,cheeky,laughed, i cared, i LOVED, i played. I always had some type of desire to please my nan when i was young, who was actually raising me at the time. I was the smart one, the one who would 'go far' in life. I hated letting her down. Me and my sister use to build huts inside the house with the sheets over bunk beds and mattresses blocking the hallway. We loved it dark, but in the dark under the sheets one day appeared a some what familiar figure. My uncle. He fooled around with my sister, she was never the same person.

One night my uncle decided to pitch a tent out in the paddock, he told my nan he needed help setting it up and if i could assist. i was so excited, but i ended up giving him 'massages' according to some timer on his wrist-watch. He exposed himself and did nasty things. I blocked it out, i pretended it didnt happen. He told me "Imagine what your Nan would think of you... she'd be disgusted if she knew"

Over a period of 2 and a half years all us grandkids were exposed to and made a part of sexual abuse. Once my brothers were made to suck each other off in front of us. My uncle laughed at them and called them faggots. He said we were worthless and that his mum (our nan) would never listen to crock from kids, especially kids who sucked dicks. When i turned 13 it was like:
I cant escape it, having nightmares about it, i cant handle longterm relationships, guys cant touch me in certain places, i cheated, prostituted, i drunk excessively, i poppe pills, smoked weed, anything to block or num the pain. I didnt smile. I hated people. I trusted NO ONE. i got into fights. I had so much anger, at people, the world, "GOD", MYSELF!!just everything. I hurt like crazy if i didnt have some type of drug. I'd rather just die. No worries. My family couldnt understand how i was such a beautiful "going to make it" kid to a convicted juvenile no hoper?? i was left alone heading towards deppresion, in my own thoughts, stress, just general varieties of evil projected from me everyday. I moved to my mums but things seemed to only get worse.

That was then, now at 18, i met a guy by chance who slowly got to know me and worked out why i was acting the way i did and who i really wanted to be. He knew before me. He protected me and re assured me everyday he was going to be there for me. He worked on me like a little project of his, sometimes i'd tell him my stories and he'd stare at me with sadness, tears and even genuine love but never pity. he new i hated it. slowly i faced everything piece by piece, i realised why i acted the way i did, and yes I ALLOWED MYSELF TO BE AFFECTED FROM ABUSE and i then became a person who negatively AFFECTED OTHERS. This guy told me "now, are u going to let ur abuser affect u and do u want to hurt others during the process?" well....NO!! he tore down my emotional shield, my brick wall, developed new ways of thinking and together we rebuilt this brick wall, we built it back with LOVE.
It sure as hell wasn't easy.
i feel such a burden off my shoulders.

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