Child Abuse Story From Bee

by Bee
(Las Vegas, Nevada, USA)

It all started as an infant as my big sister reminds me i honestly remember since i was 3 since the big thing happen. my father was an alcoholic verbal and physical abuse man when he would drink he would always start by hitting my mom then my sister and brother and i till he got tired, although my dad never touched me it still traumatizes everyday. my story is not about my dad though its about the person that was suppose to protect his a lot younger sister, my brother. age 3 my parents had a huge fight then it got quiet everyone got in there separate rooms. i could hear breathing and crying in every room 5 of us kids 4 girls including me and are oldest only brother age 13 at the time i went to my mom to help me go bathroom she said ask your sister, did and she was too busy crying under the bed she was 11 at the time so i went to my brother, huge mistake but it was going to happen sometime. he took me in and locked the door grabbed the scissors from the counter sink and pointed the scissors to my throat maid me take off my clothes and raped me he covered my mouth the whole time and touched me. i don't understand why my mother never found out since she bathed me but the abuse went on for 7 years. i did not tell anyone. i felt as it was my fault and he would try to bribe me and buy me stuff. my mom would always say i was his favorite that is why he always loved bugging me, trying to kiss me on my head even when i was 17. even when i was in 3rd grade i got sexually abused by 2 5th graders in my school bus. then age 16-17 i got raped drugged at a party because i sneaked out from home to party since my dad never ever i mean not even walk our front door only go to school and work is the only places i ever went. lucky i meant the love of my dreams and moved with him the day of my 18th birthday. i see a psychologist now and have Post-traumatic stress disorder. i am proud of myself still being alive after all this and being strong and not doing my goals as my psychologist tells me i am one of her strongest abused girl she has talked to going to college and being able to have sex and doing my goals.but i am almost a married woman now and i am still ashamed i am still dealing with the pain. i know those that did bad are now suffering for example my father is now alone living with my brother because we all left them. my brother which i don't consider him a brother anymore has never had a girlfriend or gone out to hang out with anyone and is almost 30 alone suffering with my dad. they deserve what they get. I wrote this to tell everyone be strong don't let them win. My dream is now to help every one i can before I die. sure i feel like dying sometimes when i wake up from those horrible nightmares, still urinating my bed but i am not going to die without being strong and beating this thing. my best choice i have ever made was going to talk to someone she has helped me out already even though Ive only had 7 sessions with her. i have read books and done exercises to help me heal and they have seem to work as well. a excellent book Ive read is called A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse by Laura Davis (Author)and Ellen Bass. i hope reading this will help you get the help and courage to not let it control you. I have my bad days and good days but i try to relax to music and talk to my fiance and that always helps. my word to all mothers is always be careful where you kid is even your own family can touch them. Abused women i just want you to be strong for me we can all do it together and beat these things so that we win. thank you for reading my story.