Child Abuse Story From Anna
by Anna
(Pennsylvania, USA)
Dear Darlene:
I am an old woman now just turning 67. It saddens me to read all these stories of child abuse but I am happy that today these things are more out in the open. To be able to discuss things and encourage children to report abuse is a step in the right direction. Your web site is very informative and a good outlet for people to get things out in the open and off their chest. I grew up in the 1950's and at that time little was said about child abuse or endangerment. Physical and sexual abuse was never mentioned and no one seemed to discuss it at great length like it is done today. From 1950 until 1961 I was raised in a group foster home in the mid-west. Different boys and girls came and went over the years but there was generally between 15 and 20 kids most of the time. Some only spent a year or two there but others, like me, where there until 18 years old. This home was sanctioned by the state I presume, but it was operated by horrible people. There was a husband and wife who ran it but the husbands brother also supervised several days a week. Their method of control was out right intimidation. The location was fairly rural but well kept. We were well fed and clothed and went to decent schools. Each child was given certain chores to do according to their age and sex. The girls doing most of the inside work while the boys did the outside chores.
I am sure now that I became so accustom as to how things were done over a short time that I thought everyone lived the way we did. I don't think abuse, whether physical or sexual, was ever discussed among the children. When I was in my teen years, a few of the other girls and I did discuss what was done to us but never considered telling any outsiders about it. We never spoke or asked the boys what was done to them. We all knew about each other being spanked by them and most of the time witnessed it. The home mother was the worst offender when it came to physical abuse even though her husband and his brother did the same. It didn't matter who was present whether girl or boy and she would spank us in front of each other. The most horrible part of it was that she not only made the boys take their pants and underware down but also did it to the girls. I remember being so embarrassed by it knowing the boys could see me I would hid afterwards and not talk to anyone. I also felt sorry for the other boys and girls when they were treated the same way and humiliated the way I was. I was so indoctrinated by these people I doubt I recognized how I was physically and sexually abused until I left there and got a job. I probably needed some type of therapy by that time but in those days it was unspeakable and I never told anyone what I went through for many years.
All the boys slept on the third floor and all the girls on the second floor, girls weren't allowed on the third floor and the boys weren't allowed on the second floor. Most of the children had more respect for each others privacy than the people who operated it. I never saw the boys bathroom but the girls bathroom had two bathtubs, two toilets, and two sinks in it. In those days there were no showers and I probably didn't even know what a shower was. Not only the home mother but also the two men would frequently come in when the girls were bathing. It happened so often when I first went there I must have gotten used to it and wasn't as embarrassed about it as much as I should have been. I think myself and the other girls were so accustom to the intrusions we thought little about it after awhile. As I got older I could see how some of the newer and younger girls were mortified by their presance. The men usually came in at differnt times but mostly in the evenings. Under the guise of religion they came into the bathroom at times and lead us in prayer.
From the first month I got there up until a month before I went out on my own I was given a physical exam by one of those men every month as were all the other girls. I don't know if the same was done to the boys and we never spoke about it. The home mother never did it to us but I imagine she must have known what her husband and brother-in-law were doing. That is when the sexual abuse took place. We were individually taken into the back room and examined naked from head to foot. As embarrassing as it was I was so indoctrinated by them I doubt if I considered it abuse. I did dread it each time and it did become more humiliating in my teen years but it became more like a monthly chore. I don't think I even realized these men were pedophiles until I was about 20 years old. It still disturbs me thinking about some of the things these men did to me and the other girls in the ways they examined us. I was fairly well educated but back then it was something nobody wanted to or were afraid to talk about. The ways we were disciplined made us too fearful to disobey them. I was very seldom spanked as I got older only because I always did what I was told and always did well in school. Even when I was older I witnessed the other boys and girls being spanked with their underware down or off. The humiliation of being spanked like that in front of the other children was cruel.
My husband and a few close friends are the only people I ever told about this. They find it hard to believe but during the 1950's things were much different than today. I don't know first hand how other foster homes were run in those years but think many may have been as bad as the one I was in. My husband thinks many kids were treated badly like I was simply because it was never brought out in the open as it is today. It thrills me when I see some of these child abusers or the men distributing child porn sent to jail for a long time. Back when I was growing up woman were more passive about things that were going on and tolerated what some men were doing to kids. That home mother had to know what her husband was doing which made her as bad as he and his brother were. My husband has asked me if I ever confronted them as I got older but I try to explain how intimadated I was of them. I was always afraid to, knowing if I did, I would get a beating for it and embarrassed in front of the other children. Darlene, you should be very proud of what you are doing and God bless you.
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