Comments for Extremely Controlling Boyfriend

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Jan 26, 2016
Kaels:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I bristled when you called yourself stupid, and repeatedly so. You weren't stupid. And anyone who calls you that simply doesn't understand how you had been manipulated and controlled by this boy. There are many reasons and explanations for his behaviour, but what's more important is that you found and leaned on the support you had to get yourself out of that abusive relationship. What you did was courageous. And even more so when you decided to share your story to help others.

You are absolutely right that the sooner one gets out of an abusive relationship the better. And you're also right that victims of relationship violence must find support from friends and family in order to deal with the situation. Your friend was a hero that day, and so was your mother.

Abusers don't start relationships abusively. They start out subtle, masking control as caring behaviour. To the naive or vulnerable person, it feels like love. Eventually, the subtle behaviours escalate and oftentimes, become extremely violent. This all happens over the course of time, so it's easy for the vulnerable person to get wrapped up in the cycle of violence, where there is a triggering event, a violent episode, a honeymoon period, and then the blame on the victim. Eventually, the honeymoon periods go away and the triggering events become more frequent and the victim is left in a constant state of violent episode, quickly following by another triggering event. And the victim doesn't know how to get out.

But you got out, Kaels. And for that, you should be very proud of yourself. Stay safe and continue to keep your relationships with friends and family. Those are very important in staying safe.

I send you love, light and healing energy. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coach.
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
Talk Before Touching® Series

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