Twins Suffer Child Abuse: A Mother Speaks Out

by Tara
(Location Undisclosed)

Trying to be a strong mother for my children: 
My 2.5 year old twin son and daughter had been physically and sexually abused by a live-in caregiver (non-relative, hired help). The caregiver had been living with us since they were born, so I have no idea how long it had been going on for. Although it is hard to not let my emotions run over, Darlene gives the best advice to provide lots of love, hugs and support. As a mother going through a similar situation, I can relate to how you are feeling (see commentary on this site titled My daughter was sexually abused written by Rebecca B.).

For me, the signs (physical and behaviour) had been there and my children were trying to tell me the best way that they could, but I just didn't understand it at the time. I fired the nanny a little over a month ago for a number of reasons and have been going through continuous disclosures from my children (especially my daughter) since the nanny has left. It has been a frustrating situation as the process from the police and Children's Aid Society isn't helpful (my toddlers were expected to disclose in a 15-minute interview with a police officer in a questioning room at the police station). The disclosure included code words that the nanny had taught my children, which meant nothing to the officer - and of course, what my children tell me doesn't hold any weight towards the investigation. The nanny hasn't even been brought in for questioning.

As a parent, it makes me very angry that she can just walk away as if nothing had ever happened. All I can do is be grateful that she is out of our lives, my children had actually told me what had happened (to a certain extent), and we can move on from here. I have been providing lots of happy times with my children, lots of love, hugs, kisses and a listening ear for the past several weeks. Each week I see progress with my little ones and I now realize how damaging their environment must have been (my daughter has had trouble sleeping for the past couple of years - she actually enjoys going to sleep now, and my son has had chronic eczema all over his body for the past couple of years and it has totally cleared right up - it's like a miracle!).

The guilt, frustration and anger is hard to hide, but I do not want my children to think that it is directed at them. I just hope that they do not remember this and do not suffer the affects later on in life.

I'm angry at the justice system as it seems to be set up for the offender and not the victim. For the most vulnerable & young, the system doesn't work at all and the offenders probably realize this.

I feel guilt, sadness and pain as I look back now and think "why didn't I see it? If only I did this or that, maybe I could have stopped it earlier". As a mother, I never imagined this would happen to my children. And I can't change it. But I did the best thing a mother could - I listened to them and believed them.

To Rebecca B at My daughter was sexually abused: The more hugs, support and love you can give right now, the sooner it will help ease the pain in your daughter's heart.

A Video Reading by Darlene BarriereDarlene's comments to this Child Abuse Article titled "Twins Suffer Child Abuse: A Mother Speaks Out" can be found at Comments below this submission. Depending on system activity, there are sometimes delays in comments going live on my site; but rest assured, they do eventually appear. So if you don't yet see them, I hope you will return later to read what I, and possibly others, have written. I thank you for your patience and understanding.

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Comments for Twins Suffer Child Abuse: A Mother Speaks Out

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Feb 18, 2009
Once again, the system fails the helpless victims...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Thank you, Tara, for allowing me to move your comments above onto a page where more of my visitors can read and perhaps learn from yours and your twins' experience. Perhaps someone in the system will read what you have written and work toward a better way to ensure the littlest victims are heard, and that the offenders are both brought to justice and stopped from re-offending.

Keep hugging those two precious children of yours. I send my own hugs to them and to you too.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Feb 18, 2009
Young and Innocent
by: Mrs S

Hallo Tara, my heart bleeds for your children, it's terrible when a parent has to go to work and are forced to hire child minders. I was a nanny for about 3 years, and I heard some horror stories. One friend of mine started a new position with a professional family only to learn that the former Nanny was thrown out. Apparently the mother came home early one day and found the nanny in the bath with her 4 yr. old son. Upon questioning her son she found out that this happened often, the nanny would rub his little penis and try to insert it into her vagina......
What my friend and I were both really disturbed about was that the mother immediately threw the nanny out but never reported the incident; this nanny was free to go on and work for another innocent family. These people are pedophiles and should be charged and imprisoned.
I am so happy for you that you managed to find out before further damage was done.
I did Daycare from my own house when my children were very young, when I interviewed the parents I encouraged parents to drop in at any time and any function I would always invite the parents. Any one that states that they do not like the parents to drop in because it might disturb the children, I would really be hesitant. And having a caregiver in your home I would recommend that a parent drop in occasionally unannounced. It is awful to have to be so suspicious but unfortunately we live in a very unstable world. I pray that your children will heal quickly and not suffer from long term trauma. Children are so precious we must care and protect them they are so very innocent and vulnerable.

Feb 18, 2009
Learn to listen
by: Scott Canada

As a child, or should I say as an adult who remembers how it was as a child,yeh...that's it how we remember.That seems to be the key really....what I remember,what your children remember.I remember my abuser going free,I remember my mommy did nothing.Did she not see bruises on my bottom?I remember shame as a child,I remember incredible shame as a child and no one did anything. I remember after a certain,(THE CERTAIN)punishment at school there was a phone call that night in which my mommy answered the phone.I remember my mommy asking me to show her how far the teacher pulled my pants AND underwear down before she spanked me(during the phone conversation with that...teacher)I remember showing my mommy.I motioned to my knees.I remember life going on as if nothing had happened.I remember being constantly teased for months after by school mates/witnesses.But things didn't really go on as normal did they? No! Here I am as an adult and I remember. Your children will remember how you stepped up and saved them.Your children will remember.My abuser goes free,unpunished yet here I am, mommy is old now and still in denial.She says I'm still going on about things that happened long ,long ago.I'm still waiting for my mommy to step up and say it was wrong.Like I'm crazy! What drives me crazy is when people dont step up and stop this stuff from happening. Your children's memories are of a mommy who saved them.My memory is of a mommy who still doesn't care.

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