Trauma is not Always Intentional

by Name Undisclosed
(Location Undisclosed)

Unintentional or misguided actions that cause trauma: I saw a comment by another poster about female perpetrators and I was wondering. You know we categorise much abuse as deliberate and often sex or power related. I think maybe the sex driven is often more a male thing and maybe the female is perhaps a power thing.

Anyway what I really wanted to write about is what about well-intended actions that result in trauma or that in the cold light of day with the passing of time and the change of attitudes could be considered abuse.

Like the parent who demands perfection from their child or pushes their child to perform academically or in sport or dance or drama. Or a parent who perceives a problem or weakness with their child and out of their best intentions to fix the child cause trauma. These days for example if a child has too much energy in class then they are off to the doctor to be prescribed medication. In days of old other methods may have been used to control behaviour. Well-intentioned I mean but still to the child they cause stress and resentment perhaps.

Anyway I do not want to distract right now with my past memories as everyone's past is different.

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Apr 11, 2014
To Name Undisclosed:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

There is a lot more to female perpetrators than those who are male. Power is a factor, perhaps more so than males. It's a tough call since there isn't a lot of studies in that area. Sex is also a factor, but preference is much more complicated than that of males. Control must also be factored in.

As for the well-intentioned but misguided parent that causes trauma, the fact is, parents are not perfect. They are human, and as such, make very human mistakes. Most don't set out to cause trauma, but sometimes they do. There are few parents who don't, in hindsight, have regrets over the way they raised their children. Especially when they see that they are the cause of a great deal of pain. When parents know better, they do better. The key for the child to heal often lies in understanding. Not at the expense of denying the pain that is very real. That must first be felt and released. But when we understand from where our parents came, what they intended, then forgiveness is abound. And it's through forgiveness that the deepest healing can begin. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on these issues with my visitors and me. I send you love, light and healing energy.

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Darlene Barriere
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From Victim to Victory, a memoir

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