Through So Much

by Renne
(Location Undisclosed)

When I was a little girl. About the age of 6 . My parents would go out and leave my grandfather to babysit me and my siblings.. I can still remember the faint smell of his shirt as he laid on top of me. I can still remember the pain I felt when he was trying to hurt me. I can still remember the excuse he gave my parents for being in my room in the first place. He would barricade the door with chairs and dressers and toys so no one could interfere with his plans of abuse. I remember how he pulled my pants down and forced my legs open so he could force himself in me. I kept telling him "oww it hurts . Please stop" but i guess he didn't hear me. He did that for a very long time. Then he went to jail. I grew older but I still had to go to a psychiatrist. When I turned 9, the same thing happened but with my uncle. He would buy me anything I wanted and did anything for me. One day, in April of 2011, he got me and my older sister drunk of alcohol and drugs . I was a little more sober than my sister so I can remember everything unlike her. I remember taking her to his bed because our little siblings were asleep in the other room. I laid next to her and he would constantly come in and molest me , he even made me touch him. I felt so disgusted. He even went to my sister while she was sleeping and tried to molest her. While he was raping me, while the tears slid down my face, he would tell me he was so sorry. Yeah me too. This wasn't just a one time thing . This happened every time I was at his house. Every. Single. Time. I would be scared to go get some bread or a pot from his house because i knew what would come. I started to cut my arms up every single day. Some times up to three times a day. I even put a blade up to my throat and considered commiting suicide. And this is only 40% of the bad in my life. I've been through everything. I've been homeless I've been through alot more than people know. And it still affects me to this day. Its stopped at the age of twelve and im 16 now. I have nightmares every night. The only thing that keeps me sane is my savior. My boyfriend. Hes been with me since it was happening. And he wont let me fall anymore. This is part of my life story. The one nobody knows about.

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Comments for Through So Much

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Jun 06, 2026

Renne:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

It's a very good thing to have someone supportive in your life. Someone you can lean on and trust. But it's just as important to find it in your Self to give your Self what you need. Trust is a good thing, but it comes with risk. Risk that could very easily set you back if it's violated in some way. That's why going inside is so vital to your healing. Always remember that you are not what happened to you. Who You Really Are is way outside of what you endured. Those sick and twisted excuses for human beings can only continue to control you, keep their power over you if you hang onto the hate and anger and hostility. But you must first find healing for all the emotions and feelings. An outlet so these emotions can surface, never to be buried again. Because in that surfacing, in the feeling of them, they will let you go. And you so deserve that in your life. I send you love, light and healing energy, Renne. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.