Repeated the Abuse

by Kayla A
(Missouri, USA)

When I was young all I can remember was the smell of sex. Everyday I woke up I smelled sex. I smelled it at school, with friends, and even when I was smelling something totally different. It all started when I was 8 years old. I was skinny but had muscles. I was active and had many friends. When I used to visit my father, the first start out was making me read painful definitions I didn't know. He would make me get a dictionary and search out words like Pain, Orgasm, Vagina, Porn, Savage, Divide, Tear, Rip. Words that made me feel cold and confused. I would do this for 4 hours every 2 weeks. I laugh the first time but cried as time went on. Between those 2 weeks. I would have to perform an act that made me sick. He would tell me to strip my clothes until I was naked. Getting out a pack of frozen ice, he would tell me to hold the ice firm on my private for 2 minutes and repeat. I wept until I was numb. As this was happening, once I came back over to my mothers, I would repeat the acts that my father did, to my sisters and brothers. They were ages 3-7.
As times that I was back with my father the acts became more violent. He would tell me to get into the bathtub, and pour boiling water on top of my neck down to my body. As I screamed, he punched by stomach multiple times with a hammer. Feeling these acts done to me, I would try to sneak out at night running down the street screaming and knocking on everyone's doors saying help. Eventually he would just say I had a case of Parkinson's disease and brain damaged as an orphan. (So stupid).
As time went on. Intercourse began. Not only with him but with different men and objects. He would sex me with knives, hammers, bats, and candy. And lubricate me with detergent supplements. I would burn and try to kill him but that wasn't working.

My father had pals who were in a gang back then. He then bright me to this gang at age 10 and continued acts. He and his friends would hold my face. Making me watch them decapitate animals and cook them. Then pour the blood and intestine over my face and body. He would say he was getting me prepared for the One World Government, and that I needed to Be a complete female soldier. I would cry so nonstop that the skin on my eyes and cheeks would blister and turn pale.
At the age of 11 I raped my sister. At the same week I forced my brother to swallow blood, eat frogs, and things, and sexualize himself. While I was doing this, I would make myself orgasm in front of them. Making them visualize the feeling of sex.
Time went on as my father moved to a different state. As he married another woman and did the same acts to her girl and stopped at age 11.
My mother took me to different hospitals to see what was wrong with my mind and body. But I would paint myself physically and mentally that the doctors said that nothing was wrong.
I eventually got help for myself at a church and God saved my life.
I am now a teenager with my mom, praying and ministering about abuse and truth. Helping school students and so on.
Thank you.

---

Subscribe to Darlene Barriere's healing blog:


My goal is to inspire you, challenge your thoughts, and break open your heart. Your Self already knows you're remarkable and that the world needs you, more now than ever. It's time you know it and believe it too.
Healing the Body, Mind and Spirit

Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in submissions and visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited. Please don't include them, as they will be removed.