Relationship Violence Story From Nilsa

by Nilsa
(Coral Springs, Florida, USA)

This happened to me 2 years ago, and it still drives me crazy. I'm too ashamed to tell anyone. My girlfriend Emily is the only one who knows. After school got out that summer, my parents let me go to Ft. Lauderdale for the weekend. I live in Coral Springs, which isn't too far away. Emily and I got a motel from Friday to Monday, but Emily had to go to a wedding Saturday night and would be back Sunday morning.

That Saturday we met 3 college boys on the beach and we really had a lot of fun. They were all cute, but the one named Jeff was really handsome and had a great personality and I really liked him. They came back to our motel for awhile and we swam in the pool and had something to eat. Around six o'clock, Emily had to leave for the wedding and the boys went back to wherever they were staying. Around 7:30 Jeff was knocking on my room door and invited me to go to dinner with him, which I was thrilled to do. He took me to a very nice restaurant and we had a great dinner. I tried to order wine, but they wouldn't serve me so I just had coke.

As we were driving back to my motel, Jeff stopped and bought me a bottle of wine. We went back to my motel room and I only had two glasses. I did kiss him and we made out for awhile. All the sudden I started to feel bad and tired. That's all I can remember. Even now, I try to think of what knocked me out like that. Emily thinks Jeff gave me that GHB drug. The last I remember, it was around 11 pm. I started waking up around 7 the next morning. I was still dizzy and sick. Then I realized I was naked, and my whole body hurt. I finally got to the bathroom and was sick to my stomach for at least a half hour. I was so dizzy and sick I just flopped back on the bed and fell asleep. I didn't even hear Emily come in the room. She started waking me up and asking me what happened. She got me some water and I started to get my head clear and finally put on my robe. That's when Emily saw the bruises on my rear and legs. I told her I was with Jeff but didn't remember a thing. I had pain in my vagina and anus. Right away I realized I was raped by Jeff. I got hysterical and started to cry. Thank God I had Emily with me. She wanted me to call the police, but I didn't know what to tell them. I didn't even know his last name or where he was or where he lived.

About an hour later, I just wanted to go home. Then I realized he had gone through my purse and took the money I had with me, about $125.00. My school ID and license was on the dresser and he didn't take my dad's credit card. I started to pack to go home, and when I opened the dresser drawer, there was a stack of Polaroid pictures. When I looked at them I almost passed out. I started to cry uncontrollably. They were pictures of me having intercourse and performing oral sex. The more I looked at them I started to realize it was 3 different boys doing this to me. In the pictures you could only see the boys from the waist down and mainly their privates, and most of the pictures were close-ups. They even took pictures of me in different positions, naked on the bed. There were 23 pictures in all, and also a hand-printed note. In it they told me they had 40 more pictures. Then it said if I try to find them they would send copies to my parents and to my school, and even put some on the Internet. I was so upset, even Emily was crying with me and we just stayed in the room all day and went home Sunday night. I never told anyone and made Emily promise never to either.

The first few months after that were the worst. I couldn't get it off my mind. I tried and tried to remember but I just don't. I still have those pictures which are well hidden, and now I don't look at them much anymore. I even lied to Emily and told her I burned them. Sometimes, even after all this time, I break down and cry about it. I thought he was such a nice guy. When I go out now I'm extra careful who I even talk to, and make sure I'm never alone. I learned a lesson the hardest way possible and am no longer naive and as dumb as I was.

Note from Darlene:
I am currently working on creating e-books which will provide my visitors access to specific and relevant child abuse information more readily. As this project will require a great deal of time and focus, I regret that I can no longer continue the practice of offering comments on all submissions. Please do not take my lack of response to your story personally; I mean no disrespect, nor is it intended as an invalidation of what you have endured. Indeed, I am honoured that you have chosen to post what has happened to you on my site. Whenever time permits, I will endeavour to provide supportive and validating replies. I hope you and my other visitors will continue to offer words of support and encouragement to the many contributors who have courageously shared of themselves through this site. I thank you for your understanding.

Sincerely,

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

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