Relationship Violence Story From Nilsa

by Nilsa
(Coral Springs, Florida, USA)

This happened to me 2 years ago, and it still drives me crazy. I'm too ashamed to tell anyone. My girlfriend Emily is the only one who knows. After school got out that summer, my parents let me go to Ft. Lauderdale for the weekend. I live in Coral Springs, which isn't too far away. Emily and I got a motel from Friday to Monday, but Emily had to go to a wedding Saturday night and would be back Sunday morning.

That Saturday we met 3 college boys on the beach and we really had a lot of fun. They were all cute, but the one named Jeff was really handsome and had a great personality and I really liked him. They came back to our motel for awhile and we swam in the pool and had something to eat. Around six o'clock, Emily had to leave for the wedding and the boys went back to wherever they were staying. Around 7:30 Jeff was knocking on my room door and invited me to go to dinner with him, which I was thrilled to do. He took me to a very nice restaurant and we had a great dinner. I tried to order wine, but they wouldn't serve me so I just had coke.

As we were driving back to my motel, Jeff stopped and bought me a bottle of wine. We went back to my motel room and I only had two glasses. I did kiss him and we made out for awhile. All the sudden I started to feel bad and tired. That's all I can remember. Even now, I try to think of what knocked me out like that. Emily thinks Jeff gave me that GHB drug. The last I remember, it was around 11 pm. I started waking up around 7 the next morning. I was still dizzy and sick. Then I realized I was naked, and my whole body hurt. I finally got to the bathroom and was sick to my stomach for at least a half hour. I was so dizzy and sick I just flopped back on the bed and fell asleep. I didn't even hear Emily come in the room. She started waking me up and asking me what happened. She got me some water and I started to get my head clear and finally put on my robe. That's when Emily saw the bruises on my rear and legs. I told her I was with Jeff but didn't remember a thing. I had pain in my vagina and anus. Right away I realized I was raped by Jeff. I got hysterical and started to cry. Thank God I had Emily with me. She wanted me to call the police, but I didn't know what to tell them. I didn't even know his last name or where he was or where he lived.

About an hour later, I just wanted to go home. Then I realized he had gone through my purse and took the money I had with me, about $125.00. My school ID and license was on the dresser and he didn't take my dad's credit card. I started to pack to go home, and when I opened the dresser drawer, there was a stack of Polaroid pictures. When I looked at them I almost passed out. I started to cry uncontrollably. They were pictures of me having intercourse and performing oral sex. The more I looked at them I started to realize it was 3 different boys doing this to me. In the pictures you could only see the boys from the waist down and mainly their privates, and most of the pictures were close-ups. They even took pictures of me in different positions, naked on the bed. There were 23 pictures in all, and also a hand-printed note. In it they told me they had 40 more pictures. Then it said if I try to find them they would send copies to my parents and to my school, and even put some on the Internet. I was so upset, even Emily was crying with me and we just stayed in the room all day and went home Sunday night. I never told anyone and made Emily promise never to either.

The first few months after that were the worst. I couldn't get it off my mind. I tried and tried to remember but I just don't. I still have those pictures which are well hidden, and now I don't look at them much anymore. I even lied to Emily and told her I burned them. Sometimes, even after all this time, I break down and cry about it. I thought he was such a nice guy. When I go out now I'm extra careful who I even talk to, and make sure I'm never alone. I learned a lesson the hardest way possible and am no longer naive and as dumb as I was.

Note from Darlene:
I am currently working on creating e-books which will provide my visitors access to specific and relevant child abuse information more readily. As this project will require a great deal of time and focus, I regret that I can no longer continue the practice of offering comments on all submissions. Please do not take my lack of response to your story personally; I mean no disrespect, nor is it intended as an invalidation of what you have endured. Indeed, I am honoured that you have chosen to post what has happened to you on my site. Whenever time permits, I will endeavour to provide supportive and validating replies. I hope you and my other visitors will continue to offer words of support and encouragement to the many contributors who have courageously shared of themselves through this site. I thank you for your understanding.


Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited, and could result in being banned from making further comments on this site.

Comments for Relationship Violence Story From Nilsa

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Jul 19, 2008
Date rape and hanging on to those debasing photos...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I'm so terribly sorry this happened to you, Nilsa. And please don't think you're "dumb." What happened to you could have happened to anyone. Thank you for so bravely sharing your story; doing so may well help other visitors prevent such a violation from happening to them.

And just for the record, I would make that lie to Emily right by ceremoniously burning those vile pictures. Not only could it be a step in the direction of healing for you, it would also prevent anyone from inadvertently coming across them. No matter how well hidden they are, there is no place that they will never be found.

I also suggest you seek out some form of counselling in order to help you deal with this, Nilsa. A professional may well be able to help you with the emotional trauma, and may also be able to help you understand why you feel the need to hang on to those degrading photos. You didn't deserve to be date raped, but you sure as heck deserve to be on the road toward healing and recovery from it.

Does Your Relationship make the Grade? by: Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From the Talk Before Touching™ Series
Does Your Relationship Make the Grade?

Jul 21, 2008
Be strong
by: Anonymous

I know you are in a tough situation. I think you should get some counseling. You can get through this. I was physically and emotionally abused by my mother but I am out now.

P.S. I live in coral springs too

my story

Jun 15, 2009
The Lessons From Your Story
by: Rhianna

Thank you Nilsa for sharing your story. The more it is publicised the better because, as Darlene says, it could serve to warn and protect others. If you could bear to get it published in other forums (anonymously of course) such as magazines, the message could reach a wider audience.

You are strong for having survived that terrible ordeal. Those guys who did that to you are evil to the core. THEY ARE A PACK OF EVIL COWARDLY BESTIAL MONSTERS WITH ZERO RESPECT FOR WOMEN. They don't deserve to be called men or human. Even animal is too much of a compliment for those sub-human losers!!

If there is any way they could be identified from the photos and prosecuted, then that would be great! How dare they abuse you so severely and then intimidate you into silence. I wish you had reported this to the police at the time. Have you kept the photos because you hope one day to report the crime and bring them to justice?

Why is it that when we are victims like this we are made to feel ashamed and find ourselves having to hide away and be silent. Society should encourage all of us who have been abused and oppressed to speak out and seek support. This is so so wrong!! Abusers are protected by shame and self-blame and are thus allowed to continue with their evil acts.

Nilsa you deserve to go from strength to strength to More Strength!!!

Jun 15, 2009
The Lessons From Your Story (continued)
by: Rhianna

You should know that this was not your fault. You were preyed on by a pack of evil beasts, who are still roaming around out there and who have got away with a heinous and unthinkable crime.

What can be learnt from your ordeal? The lessons for you and for the rest of us are:

Take plenty of time to get to know someone.

Do not base judgements on first impressions, hopes, wishes, feelings, desperation, fantasies and needs.

Do not sleep with someone, even if they seem nice and look cute (I personally don't believe in sex before marriage and that has protected me). Do not allow yourself to be carried away by lust. Self-respect and self protection must always come first!!

Beware of alcohol and the spiking of drinks. I personally do not drink alcohol and that has always served to protect me. Apart from spiking, alcohol in itself can make us more vulnerable to assault.

Be cautious and vigilant. Imagining the worst might not be a positive way to start a relationship, but it could be a life saver.

Make sure that you keep yourself safe at all times. Do not be alone with the person, let others know where you are going, what you are doing and with whom. Get the verified name, telephone number and identifying details of the person and give this to others.

Society should do more to encourage victims to feel less shame and self-blame, to speak out stand up and be counted and to seek justice. It is only in this way that abusers can be punished and these sorts of evil acts prevented.

Thank you for sharing your story Nilsa, for shaming your abusers and for warning and educating the rest of us. If you can protect just one more person from this sort of ordeal, then your story will not have been in vain.

More Strength and Power to you and to all of us fellow Survivors of abuse!!!

Nov 23, 2009
BMW princess
by: That must have been terrifying.

I'm sorry that happened to you. you did not deserve that. Rapists are filthy good for nothing disgusting perverted pigs. No one deserves that
I"m sorry. Having a drink and kissing is no reason to get raped.

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