Comments for Relationship Violence Story From Nilsa

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Jul 19, 2008
Date rape and hanging on to those debasing photos...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I'm so terribly sorry this happened to you, Nilsa. And please don't think you're "dumb." What happened to you could have happened to anyone. Thank you for so bravely sharing your story; doing so may well help other visitors prevent such a violation from happening to them.

And just for the record, I would make that lie to Emily right by ceremoniously burning those vile pictures. Not only could it be a step in the direction of healing for you, it would also prevent anyone from inadvertently coming across them. No matter how well hidden they are, there is no place that they will never be found.

I also suggest you seek out some form of counselling in order to help you deal with this, Nilsa. A professional may well be able to help you with the emotional trauma, and may also be able to help you understand why you feel the need to hang on to those degrading photos. You didn't deserve to be date raped, but you sure as heck deserve to be on the road toward healing and recovery from it.

Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coach.
Darlene Barriere
author. speaker. survivor. coach
Talk Before Touching® Series

Jul 21, 2008
Be strong
by: Anonymous

I know you are in a tough situation. I think you should get some counseling. You can get through this. I was physically and emotionally abused by my mother but I am out now.

P.S. I live in coral springs too

my story

Jun 15, 2009
The Lessons From Your Story
by: Rhianna

Thank you Nilsa for sharing your story. The more it is publicised the better because, as Darlene says, it could serve to warn and protect others. If you could bear to get it published in other forums (anonymously of course) such as magazines, the message could reach a wider audience.

You are strong for having survived that terrible ordeal. Those guys who did that to you are evil to the core. THEY ARE A PACK OF EVIL COWARDLY BESTIAL MONSTERS WITH ZERO RESPECT FOR WOMEN. They don't deserve to be called men or human. Even animal is too much of a compliment for those sub-human losers!!

If there is any way they could be identified from the photos and prosecuted, then that would be great! How dare they abuse you so severely and then intimidate you into silence. I wish you had reported this to the police at the time. Have you kept the photos because you hope one day to report the crime and bring them to justice?

Why is it that when we are victims like this we are made to feel ashamed and find ourselves having to hide away and be silent. Society should encourage all of us who have been abused and oppressed to speak out and seek support. This is so so wrong!! Abusers are protected by shame and self-blame and are thus allowed to continue with their evil acts.

Nilsa you deserve to go from strength to strength to More Strength!!!

Jun 15, 2009
The Lessons From Your Story (continued)
by: Rhianna

You should know that this was not your fault. You were preyed on by a pack of evil beasts, who are still roaming around out there and who have got away with a heinous and unthinkable crime.

What can be learnt from your ordeal? The lessons for you and for the rest of us are:

Take plenty of time to get to know someone.

Do not base judgements on first impressions, hopes, wishes, feelings, desperation, fantasies and needs.

Do not sleep with someone, even if they seem nice and look cute (I personally don't believe in sex before marriage and that has protected me). Do not allow yourself to be carried away by lust. Self-respect and self protection must always come first!!

Beware of alcohol and the spiking of drinks. I personally do not drink alcohol and that has always served to protect me. Apart from spiking, alcohol in itself can make us more vulnerable to assault.

Be cautious and vigilant. Imagining the worst might not be a positive way to start a relationship, but it could be a life saver.

Make sure that you keep yourself safe at all times. Do not be alone with the person, let others know where you are going, what you are doing and with whom. Get the verified name, telephone number and identifying details of the person and give this to others.

Society should do more to encourage victims to feel less shame and self-blame, to speak out stand up and be counted and to seek justice. It is only in this way that abusers can be punished and these sorts of evil acts prevented.

Thank you for sharing your story Nilsa, for shaming your abusers and for warning and educating the rest of us. If you can protect just one more person from this sort of ordeal, then your story will not have been in vain.

More Strength and Power to you and to all of us fellow Survivors of abuse!!!

Nov 23, 2009
BMW princess
by: That must have been terrifying.

I'm sorry that happened to you. you did not deserve that. Rapists are filthy good for nothing disgusting perverted pigs. No one deserves that
I"m sorry. Having a drink and kissing is no reason to get raped.

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From Victim to Victory
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