Relationship Violence Story From Katie

by Katie
(USA)

I'm 15 years old, dating a 16 year old. Ive been dating him since June, 08. At first it was perfect, like a fairytale. My family loved him, his family loved me. He was aloud to spend the night, and when we hungout we could do anything and have a blast. He made me laugh, made my food for me, spun me around, told me everyday how lucky he was to have me. We were falling more in love with the months passing by.


I dont remember when the abuse started and I still dont know why. I think maybe he became obsessed with me instead of in love? At about 10 months we became the "couple" of the schhol.. all the teaches nagged at us and everyone knew we were together. I remember one day it was nice out and I wore a skirt to school, Ive done this many times before but this day he wouldnt even talk to me.. he said guys were staring at me and he didnt like it. So that night on the phone he told me if i wanted him to talk to me at school i had to wear leggings with skirts/ dresses. Also If i wore shorts i had to wear underwear and spandex.. i dont even know why he did this.. But I passed it like it was no big deal.. then he started saying I wasnt clingy enough and wanted me to call him more, and he thought I was falling out of love with him.. so i called him more.. before i knew it he didnt even let me click over to the other line for a friend, i had to give all my attention to him. At school if i walked off with my friends he would get really jealous and send me mean text messages like "wow, have fun with them!" and make me feel guilty.. He used to have alot of friends but when he became more attached to me he was always with me so his guy friends kinda detached so when i went off with my friends i felt guilty because he was all alone. I remember one day he asked me who i loved more.. him or my best friend. I responded with i loved you both in different ways more than the other, he hung up on me. After our year anniversary I was no longer aloud to do anything on weekends with out him being there, he said he trusted me but just wanted to be with me all the time because he missed me to much when we were apart. So that made me feel lucky for the first few weeks.. until I dreaded weekends of being with him 24/7 including school days! The 3 classes i didnt have with him felt like i broke out of a trapped cage.. and i hated that i got excited to not be with him.. it shouldnt be that way. One day he caught me talking to this guy as he waited for me to come out of my class.. the next 5 minutes i played the 20 question game on EXACTLY what i said to that guy, how long we talked, if i thought he was cute.. ect..

Summer came, and i was outside tanning when he called me and he was furious, he made me go inside because he thought i was getting tanner for someone else cause "he loved me how i was" and then I wasnt aloud to exersize.. and if the sun hit a LITTLE part of my legs he would stand in the way of it. I began to feel so trapped. I stopped talking to guys to avoid fights. When my guy friends would come up to talk to me i would look down and act like i didnt notice them. There were a few guys he was especially jealous about and when we passed them in hall ways I HAD to keep my head down he watched my eyes to make sure i didnt even look in that guys direction. Now let me remind you this whole time the abuse is happeneing he is still being sweet, making me food, back rubs, and cute stuff like that. Which kept me around thinking the contolling wasnt that bad becasue he was still so sweet. I never told my friends or family what was going on because the fights were "my fault" and i didnt want people to thing the "couple" of the school were nothing but perfect. When my boyfriend started playing sports he made me send him messages to come back to and read so he knew i missed him. He made me do this, im not even joking.. he forced me to. If i didnt send ATLEAST ten messages he would not talk to me that night or yell at me for hours. He would check the time the texts were sent so he knew i didnt just sit and send them all at once then have my own free time. He wouldnt let me stay after school ever.. not even for SCHOOL WORK! My grades started dropping. He let me come to his games but i had to get there RIGHT when it started no time before it to hangout.. and he made me sit in the top corner of bleachers and i was not aloud to get up to walk around, or use bathroom or get food, he watched me. One game i brought my neice and she was 5 and had to pee so i looked at him and tried to mouth to him the situation and he didnt understand.. so when i stood up and walked out of bleachers he was DEATH GLARING at me.. and after his game he yelled at me for so long.. i cried myself to sleep. He started to not care when i cried. We were sexually active.. he took my virginity on our 7 month anniversary.. and one night he wanted to have sex and i pleaded no i was tired, and on my period.. (that didnt bother him) and i even cried and he said "whatever im sleeping at the other end of the bed night!" and i laid there and balled my eyes out, got up went to bathroom came back in and not till an hour later did he come and sleep next to me, trying to me sweet and then after making me smile right when i was about to go to sleep he started touching me sexually and i said please no and he said "wow your no fun anymore" and so i gave in. I wont ever forget that night. Not ever. I felt like i was always doing something wrong I had to tell my friends not to bring up things that i would later be questioned about by him.. he checked my phone calls. Refused me from going on my Myspace. The list goes on and on. I eventually broke up with him.. But we still acted like we were dating. He stopped doing most of those things when we sat down and talked about it. He still begs for sex but in sweeter ways like "im so attracted to you" and tricky ways. Im hanging out with my friends again but he still gets jealous of my love for my best friend being stronger than my love for him. He doesnt check my phone but i know it bothers him because he says "your always on your phone.." he lets me stay after without him to hangout with my friends. He lets me dress how i want too. He lets me talk to guys but sometimes asks what we talked about. He gets very jealous when i hug guys and gets sharp with words and ignores me. He has changed ALOT. SO MUCH. And I love him and i know he loves me. Were coming up on two years. Our problems are 1/4 what they used to be.. But still there is issues, and abuse in there. I need help. I feel like nobody will ever love me as much as he does. He truly does love me, i think he needs counseling though to help his trust issues.. I don't know what to do!




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Relationship Violence Story From Katie

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May 21, 2010
Katie:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

This boy has serious problems that will get worse. Jealousy is not a sign of love; it's a sign of insecurity. And the deeper the jealousy, the deeper the insecurity. What you're describing is NOT love. Whether he needs counselling is not the issue here. What's at issue is that he's controlling you and he wants to isolate you from your friends and support system. That's what abusers do, Katie. What you described is so typical of abusers. You must get out of this relationship, for good. Talk to your family about what is really going on so that they can help you and provide the support you need; that's what they're there for. Be honest with yourself and with your friends; your friends are another support system that can help keep you from being isolated and more at risk for violence. And you ARE at risk for more violence. This boy is NOT who you think he is. You and he together are NOT that perfect couple; you're in an abusive dating relationship that you must get away from. He will escalate the violence if you don't. Contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). They have advocates available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week who can provide crisis intervention, escape planning, information and referrals to victims or anyone calling on their behalf. You can visit their website by copying & pasting the following URL into your browser: http://www.ndvh.org/

Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

Does Your Relationship make the Grade? by: Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From the Talk Before Touching™ Series
Does Your Relationship Make the Grade?


May 23, 2010
Hi
by: Anonymous

Well u should not b wit hiM caz he sounds nice on the outside but really all he wants is one thing like alot of guys these days

May 23, 2010
Love is spaecial: Love is respectful of the yourself and the other
by: maurice

Katie, you took time out to write a very honest valuation of your relationship with this ONE boy: Don't be fooled by him: Don't allow him to dictate LOVE to you: Or what it should be all about: He is just one controller of you with heaps of jealosy thrown in: He does not LOVE you: He does not Value you or respect your feelings: He does not allow you to express your understanding of adolecence relationships: He just wants you to believe he is right and you have no say: Now Katie I am reading through the lines and you do not come accross as being a idiot: You are a very articulate and intelligent young Lady: Don't let your life be ruined with your tunnel vision of this User and abuser of your intelligence and you as a person: Move away from him, say no now and again and see how he re-acts: Then you'll know he is not sincere, he is not true, he is a control freak for you to know and let other girls know about him: Until he grows up he will ruin your natural growth while not supportiong you to live your life to the full with your friends and class mates: There is safety in numbers: So have a healthy mind in a healthy body: Join team sports, to be with your like-minded friends and class mates: Stop being fooled by him: You have a life to be lived: You will throw away the best years of your life if you do not Cop On NOW and mix with other boys who will show you real respect and give you a greater sense of what teenage relationships are truly all about: You stay in eduaction: You need your education to get on in life: School will end for both of you then you and he will have to go your separate ways to college or to pursue your dreams as to what you truly want to do with your life: Don't be fooled by HIM: You ain't stupid: ''RIGHT'' stand up for your own principles and feelings: Have to courage to say NO when you know it to be the right thing to say and do: You are SPECIAL: I am SPECIAL: I am young and beautiful and I want to live my LIFE to the full with good friends who value and respect me for my giftednness and tallents: Learn from this false guy in a relationship; Tell him to get a life away from you: Have friends who know you both to help him get his act together, he'll soon learn the hard way when you dump him: Your family and friends will stand by, you'll know what is best for you and they'll support you to be safe and sure: Be true to yourself: your Family: your genuine and true buddies/frinds> Of your bottom now becaome active and alife let your team mates be your courage and support to do the right thing: Leave Him: you'll find the right Guy for you: Not a jealous or control freak: Get my message: More importantly; Read Darlene loving comment to you personally, she knows best, she values you for who you are in the telling of your story to her and her visitors: I want the best for you: Ask yourself Do I want what is best and good for me in my life right NOW????

Aug 11, 2010
OMG Hunny !
by: Shandria Johnson

No Offense But Your Boyfirend Is Physco ! Idk You But Im Sure Your To Good And To Pretty To Be Treated Like That . You Can Easily Go Find Another Guy , No Love Is That Strong oR Worth That Much Pain . Me And My Bestfriend Had A Similar Problem And I Jus Cudnt Deal With Her Or Her Boyfriend , It Wusnt That I Didn't Care About Her But I Told Her Over And Over But She Wouldn't Listen And I Couldn't Sit There And Watch Her Go Through That And There Was Nothing Else I Could Do So I Jus Stopped Talking To Her . And I'm Sure You Love Him But He Is Obssesed Woth You Not In Love ! Please Move On Have Better Judgement Then My Friend Did , Im Begging You !!!

Aug 14, 2010
Be brave: Be strong: Always do what is the best for you
by: Maurice

I've missed out alot these past few weeks as I was moving house and did'nt have the time or energy to visit this great and wonderful site of love truth and genuine family who have grown to know each other through Darlene's vision of the need for such a site: Her empowering words of heartfelt love to each one of us and all who visit her on the site: I missed alot but now I have returned: My comment to you in May I hope was of some encouragement to you: I hope you read and acted on Darlene's words to you. I hope you are and have been strong and brave enough to move away from That unreal man: He is not a good man: So please be brave. stay strong in your own convictions and Always believe in yourself: Do NOW only what is the best for you: Darlene is the one you heed she has given you loving, supporting words to act on: Live well: Laugh alot: Love much beginning with yourself in fron of the Mirror: I can: I will: I must because I am worth it: Think positive: act Positive: Be positive in all you do and say: Your the bestest and believe it because it is true:

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