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Relationship Violence Story From Katie

by Katie
(USA)

I'm 15 years old, dating a 16 year old. Ive been dating him since June, 08. At first it was perfect, like a fairytale. My family loved him, his family loved me. He was aloud to spend the night, and when we hungout we could do anything and have a blast. He made me laugh, made my food for me, spun me around, told me everyday how lucky he was to have me. We were falling more in love with the months passing by.


I dont remember when the abuse started and I still dont know why. I think maybe he became obsessed with me instead of in love? At about 10 months we became the "couple" of the schhol.. all the teaches nagged at us and everyone knew we were together. I remember one day it was nice out and I wore a skirt to school, Ive done this many times before but this day he wouldnt even talk to me.. he said guys were staring at me and he didnt like it. So that night on the phone he told me if i wanted him to talk to me at school i had to wear leggings with skirts/ dresses. Also If i wore shorts i had to wear underwear and spandex.. i dont even know why he did this.. But I passed it like it was no big deal.. then he started saying I wasnt clingy enough and wanted me to call him more, and he thought I was falling out of love with him.. so i called him more.. before i knew it he didnt even let me click over to the other line for a friend, i had to give all my attention to him. At school if i walked off with my friends he would get really jealous and send me mean text messages like "wow, have fun with them!" and make me feel guilty.. He used to have alot of friends but when he became more attached to me he was always with me so his guy friends kinda detached so when i went off with my friends i felt guilty because he was all alone. I remember one day he asked me who i loved more.. him or my best friend. I responded with i loved you both in different ways more than the other, he hung up on me. After our year anniversary I was no longer aloud to do anything on weekends with out him being there, he said he trusted me but just wanted to be with me all the time because he missed me to much when we were apart. So that made me feel lucky for the first few weeks.. until I dreaded weekends of being with him 24/7 including school days! The 3 classes i didnt have with him felt like i broke out of a trapped cage.. and i hated that i got excited to not be with him.. it shouldnt be that way. One day he caught me talking to this guy as he waited for me to come out of my class.. the next 5 minutes i played the 20 question game on EXACTLY what i said to that guy, how long we talked, if i thought he was cute.. ect..

Summer came, and i was outside tanning when he called me and he was furious, he made me go inside because he thought i was getting tanner for someone else cause "he loved me how i was" and then I wasnt aloud to exersize.. and if the sun hit a LITTLE part of my legs he would stand in the way of it. I began to feel so trapped. I stopped talking to guys to avoid fights. When my guy friends would come up to talk to me i would look down and act like i didnt notice them. There were a few guys he was especially jealous about and when we passed them in hall ways I HAD to keep my head down he watched my eyes to make sure i didnt even look in that guys direction. Now let me remind you this whole time the abuse is happeneing he is still being sweet, making me food, back rubs, and cute stuff like that. Which kept me around thinking the contolling wasnt that bad becasue he was still so sweet. I never told my friends or family what was going on because the fights were "my fault" and i didnt want people to thing the "couple" of the school were nothing but perfect. When my boyfriend started playing sports he made me send him messages to come back to and read so he knew i missed him. He made me do this, im not even joking.. he forced me to. If i didnt send ATLEAST ten messages he would not talk to me that night or yell at me for hours. He would check the time the texts were sent so he knew i didnt just sit and send them all at once then have my own free time. He wouldnt let me stay after school ever.. not even for SCHOOL WORK! My grades started dropping. He let me come to his games but i had to get there RIGHT when it started no time before it to hangout.. and he made me sit in the top corner of bleachers and i was not aloud to get up to walk around, or use bathroom or get food, he watched me. One game i brought my neice and she was 5 and had to pee so i looked at him and tried to mouth to him the situation and he didnt understand.. so when i stood up and walked out of bleachers he was DEATH GLARING at me.. and after his game he yelled at me for so long.. i cried myself to sleep. He started to not care when i cried. We were sexually active.. he took my virginity on our 7 month anniversary.. and one night he wanted to have sex and i pleaded no i was tired, and on my period.. (that didnt bother him) and i even cried and he said "whatever im sleeping at the other end of the bed night!" and i laid there and balled my eyes out, got up went to bathroom came back in and not till an hour later did he come and sleep next to me, trying to me sweet and then after making me smile right when i was about to go to sleep he started touching me sexually and i said please no and he said "wow your no fun anymore" and so i gave in. I wont ever forget that night. Not ever. I felt like i was always doing something wrong I had to tell my friends not to bring up things that i would later be questioned about by him.. he checked my phone calls. Refused me from going on my Myspace. The list goes on and on. I eventually broke up with him.. But we still acted like we were dating. He stopped doing most of those things when we sat down and talked about it. He still begs for sex but in sweeter ways like "im so attracted to you" and tricky ways. Im hanging out with my friends again but he still gets jealous of my love for my best friend being stronger than my love for him. He doesnt check my phone but i know it bothers him because he says "your always on your phone.." he lets me stay after without him to hangout with my friends. He lets me dress how i want too. He lets me talk to guys but sometimes asks what we talked about. He gets very jealous when i hug guys and gets sharp with words and ignores me. He has changed ALOT. SO MUCH. And I love him and i know he loves me. Were coming up on two years. Our problems are 1/4 what they used to be.. But still there is issues, and abuse in there. I need help. I feel like nobody will ever love me as much as he does. He truly does love me, i think he needs counseling though to help his trust issues.. I don't know what to do!




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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E-book: Victim To Victory

From Victim to Victory
a memoir

How I got over the devastating effects of child abuse and moved on with my life

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