Not Really Real

by Nancy
(Ohio, USA)

I quit being a real person when I was 5 years old. I remember it. I started pretending I was a cartoon and nothing hurt me, like the coyote on Roadrunner; and for 20 years, nothing did. But it all fell out of the "closet." I had stuffed it into in my brain. I always kept it, but I put it in an "old trunk" on the top shelf of my "closet."

Then I had an incident with my husband's grandfather. Some would say he was just a dirty old man, but he started flashing his private parts at me and saying sexually vulgar things to me. He told me about seeing me through the peep hole of my room and what a beautiful pussy I had and he wanted to love that pussy. He'd grab me and not let go. I shattered into a million pieces.

I didn't even remember about the sex when I was little. It was in my "closet," but he made it fall out and I can't get it put back up there. I don't know what to do about all of it. What am I suppose to do?

Comments for Not Really Real

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Nov 01, 2007
You ARE a real person
by: Darlene Barriere

Nancy, I've said this before; counselling is what I recommend. Keep writing. It will help to bring to the surface what you most need to bring out. When you do go into counselling, share what you've written with your counsellor.

As for your husband's grandfather, his behaviour was inappropriate and is considered "Lewd and Lascivious" if he is flashing himself to a grown up. In Canada, he could be arraigned on a variety of charges for such behaviour. However, if he were to flash himself and speak vulgarly to a child, he could be charged with sexual assault of a minor. I cannot speak to the laws in Ohio.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Nov 06, 2007
Empty the trunk...
by: Nancy Lee Gray

Nancy, seems like we share more than just a first name. In answer to your question, don't even try to put it back in the trunk. First of all, you can't... we adults lack that special power children have to do whatever necessary to survive and still go on. Second, even if you could put it back, why continue to go through life weighted down by that trunk filled with trash from the past.

Find a good therapist and get to work to really empty the trunk once and for all! If that isn't possible, get The Courage to Heal book and Courage to Heal Workbook, and do the work using whatever support is available to you.

I'm sorry about the emphasis on "work" Nancy, but whereas some find instant healing through faith, most of us seem to have to go through the process. The work is sometimes very hard, but the rewards are great. I know.

Nancy, you deserve to live free and be fully alive...

Take aware,
Nancy Lee

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