My Friend Experienced Childhood Sexual Abuse

by Tracey
(Canada)

My friend is a native female who was adopted out to a white Mormon family. She began to be molested around the age of 5 by the father and 1 or 2 sons. As well, around the age of 7, a native adult male who was visiting the home had sexual intercourse with her. When the fact that she was being molested by the men in the family came to light, this family began to ignore her and she left, living on the streets, which they simply let her go like that. No support ...coincidentally ,I now live in a city where the daughter of that family now lives and we both work for the City police force in an admin function. This situation is "driving me crazy!" I want to bring the topic up - I want some healing to begin.


In the last contact made between my friend and her adoptive sister, the sister asked her if she would just be leaving her parents alone now on this issue (as they're in their 80's and she cares for them.) I can understand that she is burdened yet again! The message: that what happened should just be swept under the carpet, forgotten, that my friend's pain and confusion doesn't matter.

I think the opportunity for healing exists in this situation...as our employer provides counselling - I think these two women could meet and share their lives...I feel that as fate has caused this woman and I to cross paths, I want to make effort for Peace and Reconciliation for my friend.

A Video Reading by Darlene BarriereNote from Darlene: The volume of contributor submissions has now made it impossible for me to comment personally (especially in great detail) on each and every contribution. If I haven't left you a comment or one that is in-depth, please do not take my lack of a personal response as a slight, or as a statement that your story is somehow unworthy of my time. Nothing, and I do mean nothing, could be further from the truth. If there was a way for me to respond to all of you at length, I would.

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Comments for My Friend Experienced Childhood Sexual Abuse

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Feb 24, 2009
The decision is your friend's to make...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Tracey, with all due respect, this isn't about what you want. This situation isn't yours to "want some healing to begin." While I understand what it is you are trying to do, while I appreciate that you are desperately trying to be a good friend, you can't force anyone into anything. Nor should you interfere with whatever these two women do or do not want to do. Healing is a decision that must be made by the person(s) directly. All you can do is be supportive if and when your friend approaches you. If the subject is broached, then a supportive response would be to reiterate her options and encourage her to use the resources available to her. Be a shoulder for her to lean on and a soft place to land. These are the best ways to help your friend; and be a very good friend in the process. The rest must be up to her.

Thank you for sharing your friend's story with my visitors and me.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir


Feb 24, 2009
Qyality Care
by: Mrs R.

Hallo Tracey, I can relate where you are comming from, you sound like me a very caring compassionate person. I love to help people, some of my friends chuckle and say go see Mrs R. she solves the problems of the world LOL. But what Darlene says is very true your friend has to make the step for herself, I am a survivor of sexual and physical abuse from as young as a toddler, it took me a long time before I was able to want to help myself. I had all kinds of outside help but inner help had to come from inside and alot of it came from people like you believing in me.
I would like to say that your friend should not worry about the ages (80s) they did not worry about her tender age when they abused her. Any person that commits a crime should pay the price no matter what that persons age.
Never stop caring for your fellow man Tracey, we need more people like you.

Apr 18, 2009
taking care of my own issues
by: Tracey

Just realized there were messages in response to me - yes! I went through an intense learning experience here opening my eyes up to see that this isn't my place to do something about the situation for my friend. Not sure what got into me there.

Thank You for taking the time to respond. I discussed this at length with my own therapist.

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