Comments for Don't Want to Go

Click here to add your own comments

Jul 24, 2015
 To Name Undisclosed who Doesn't Want to Go:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I had a similar situation when my brother was about to get married more than a decade ago. I had decided I wasn't going to go because my abusive father was going to be there. I knew it hurt my brother deeply, but I just couldn't bring myself to go where my father would be present, perhaps even honoured.

But on the day of the wedding, I got up realizing that the wedding day wasn't about me. It wasn't about my father. And it sure wasn't about the way I felt about my father, or what he had done or not done. It was about celebrating the union of two people who loved each other. And I also knew I would some day regret not going if I stayed home.

So the morning of the wedding, I told my husband that I wanted us to go. We went and picked up a gift, wrapped it, got dressed and attended.

I know your situation is different in that your whole family will be present, and that presents a huge challenge for you. So the way to decide is to go inward. And to mentally set aside what you can. To decide what you can and cannot live with going forward.

If you do decide to attend this wedding, know that you are not required to spend additional time with your family. You can attend on your own terms. But if you do go, you absolutely must put aside any attitude or airs, because the day must be about the two people who have decided that they want to share in the celebration of the love they carry in their hearts. If you do attend, you would be there to be amongst those celebrating.

And if you do decide to attend and there is a confrontation of sorts by someone in your family, you must be prepared to rise above it. You must be prepared to say that you're there for the special day of the two people getting married, and that anything else would be rude and inappropriate. If you don't believe you could say that in a respectful way, then it would be best for you not to attend.

As for your family, they will do what they will do no matter what you do. You cannot change them. You can only change yourself and your responses to them, either directly or indirectly. In other words, you don't have to play their game. Let them talk. Let them say or do whatever it is they say or do. Just go on about your own business and stay true to your own integrity. It was staying true to my own integrity that made me realize I needed to be there for my brother that day. And it was a very good decision. For both of us. I went to his wedding with the belief that I was there to be a part of the celebration, that I would have a good time, that nothing would phase me. I've never regretted going.

I hope that helps you decide.

Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me. I send you love and healing energy.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Child Abuse Commentary.

Return to Don't Want to Go

Disclaimer: To the best of my knowledge the child abuse
stories on this site are true. While I cannot guarantee
this, I do try to balance the need for the submitter to be
heard and validated with the needs of my visitors.



E-book: Victim To Victory

From Victim to Victory
a memoir

How I got over the devastating effects of child abuse and moved on with my life

Read more...

Most Recent

RSS

  1. Converging Stolen Lives

    Jan 30, 18 01:13 PM

    There was a time and space I didn’t think about you, or your abuse. Where when I looked back at my life, I only saw normal things, a normal childhood.

    Read More

  2. A letter to one of the 13 Turpin children

    Jan 29, 18 11:33 AM

    A heartfelt letter by a former classmate that speaks to bullying and regrets. You'll find it on my Facebook group. I hope you'll join and get in on the discussion.

    Read More

  3. Dissociated From Abuse

    Jan 29, 18 11:00 AM

    I was sexually abused by my father from age 6 to 13, which stopped when I started talking about it during the day. The teenage brother of my best friend

    Read More

E-book: Victim To Victory

From Victim to Victory
a memoir

How I got over the devastating effects of child abuse and moved on with my life

Read more...