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Child Molestation/Rape is a Vicious Cycle...REPORT to POLICE!

by Allie L
(California, USA)

Child Abuse is a vicious cycle of repeated events!!! Isn't it ironic? when I was a teenager, my father—leading insurance agent for 25 years, musician band leader, active with the Chicago musician's union—anyway...when I was 15 years old, my father's drummer—also a powerful Chicago Attorney—we will call him Alex, anyway...I would visit them on Jewish "Gigs" (weddings, Bar Mitzvahs' etc.). Alex would get me high on Marijuana and wine! I didn't even like or condone illegal drugs and I do not use them today. Then Alex would have sexual intercourse with me. He threatened me to not tell (I feel that the marijuana was tampered with, similar to the effects of a "date rape drug!") When I did tell the counselors, my parents, my Rabbi; they all believed me. However, they were in denial.

They encouraged me to "sweep this under the carpet" to keep peace within the Jewish community. So I did, resulting in me internalizing this to a point of having a nervous breakdown. I had a lot of anger and I wanted to castrate Alex. I then utilized this anger.

I finished high school, then I went off to college, majoring in Chemistry. I was a research scientist for years. Now I teach public school.

The worst thing is that I can now deal with the pain when it happened to me, however, now my own child was sexually abused.

After my divorce 14 years ago—my daughters were 3 and 4 at the time—I started dating a Ph.D professor of the business department at a university. I will call him Harry. He was in the process of suing the university because he hated women, particularly black women referring them to "niggers with attitudes!" An African American Dean of his department earned more money than him, so he misconstrued, lied, manipulated, and sued the university stating that this woman was against him. The university knew that he was at fault, so to avoid negative publicity, they settled just to "get rid of him".

At a family function, my 4-year-old started crying stating that Harry hit her on her vagina repeatedly and he stuffed pure Jalapeno peppers into her mouth. My mother witnessed both incidents, therefore, my mother phoned the police and Harry left the state of Illinois to teach at a university in West Virginia. Again, we swept this under the table.

My 4-year-old is now 18. She finished two years of college, (she completed high school in two years by age 16) she is captain of her junior college cheer squad, and she wants to transfer to a four-year university to become a Psychologist and then off to Medical School to become a Psychiatrist. I feel that she is more gifted in literature, debate and law, so I began researching universities online and found out that a university in South Carolina would be a good option for her. Ironically, Dr. Harry, the Ph.D business professor who molested my 18-year-old is the Dean of Business at this university in South Carolina. This made me violently ill.

I cannot sleep, eat, I have been vomiting. I am wondering if he has molested his own daughters (now in their 20's) or any other young impressionable and vulnerable girls. Every few years, this professor jumps around teaching and or is the Dean of business for different universities. First in Illinois, then in West Virginia, next in the central valley of California, and currently in South Carolina.

My daughter has a great deal of anger and animosity directed at me for "sweeping this under the carpet and not following through with my mother's molestation/rape report" against Professor Harry Ph.D. I don't blame my daughter for her anger. I know what she is feeling and what she is going through. And to top it off, I learned that Professor Harry Ph.D married wife #3 or #4. He met her while living and teaching college in the Central Valley of California; ironically, she is a former assistant D.A. who specializes in rape cases. They currently live in South Carolina and she has a law practice in Myrtle Beach. There is nothing that I can do legally, since Professor Harry Ph.D and his attorney wife are on a "power trip!"

I will attend therapy with my daughter. I don't know what more my daughter and I do can to alleviate the pain.

Darlene's comments to this Child Abuse Commentary "Child Molestation/Rape is a Vicious Cycle...REPORT to POLICE!" can be found at Comments below this submission. Depending on system activity, there are sometimes delays in comments going live on my site; but rest assured, they do eventually appear. So if you don't yet see them, I hope you will return later to read what I, and possibly others, have written. I thank you for your patience and understanding.

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Comments for
Child Molestation/Rape is a Vicious Cycle...REPORT to POLICE!

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Jul 02, 2008
Such a worthwhile message...but I offer no way to "alleviate the pain"
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Allie, I applaud the fact that you are going onto therapy with your daughter. Both you and she have a long road ahead of you; there's a great deal to repair between you. Not only do you have to deal with your own past and the unbearable feelings of betrayal from the people who were supposed to protect you and get you the help you needed once you had been harmed, you'll also have to help your daughter through the very same feelings of betrayal and abandonment, but from the other side of it. That will be extraordinarily difficult.

As for the "pain" being alleviated, the only way I know is through it. I know of no way to circumvent it, and NOT have it adversely affect every day of your life, every relationship, every decision you make. But what I will share with you is how important it is for you during therapy to acknowledge—TRULY acknowledge—not just your part in this for your daughter, but also all that she is feeling and all that was affected in her life because of molestation and having it "swept under the carpet" by her mother. Unless and until she knows that you understand what this really did to her—and I believe you do understand—she will never get passed it. Unless and until she believes that you understand the hurt, the betrayal, the abandonment, and all the things she did in hopes of coping (possibly perfectionism, eating disorders, body image disorders, throwing herself intensely into her school work so as not to have to spend even one second thinking about what happened to her), all that her body endured (possibly sleep disorders, nightmares/night terrors, headaches, stomach aches, teeth grinding), she will not be able to move forward with you.

Allie, you need to be prepared for what is to come. You're going to need your own personal support system throughout this process. Your daughter will want to know 'why.' But even when you tell her why, your answer will likely not be enough for her because there is no good reason why. I hope you're ready for that. But more importantly, don't tell her that there is no good reason; let her get to that point herself. I hope as her mother you are ready for her to say the most hurtful things to you; her anger is so deep that she needs to be able to rid herself of it. She needs to hate you in order to love you. Given what you yourself endured, Allie, I believe you understand what I mean by that. One way that will surely anger your daughter even more is for you to "give her permission" to be angry with you, or for you to "grant her the right" to hate you. Let her get there herself, Allie. Be there unconditionally for her. This is the path that will "alleviate the pain" and allow healing to begin for both of you, together.

Part 2 follows below.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Jul 02, 2008
Part 2: Statute of limitations for child sexual abuse in California:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

If your daughter was molested in the State of California, there may be some legal redress. Even if the criminal statute of limitations for reporting has expired—and I'm not entirely sure that they have expired—a civil suit is still possible. Now that your daughter has turned 18 years of age, she has somewhere between 3 - 8 years, the years being dependent on the circumstances, to file a civil claim against this man. I'm not an attorney, nor is this post intended to offer any kind of legal advice. Your daughter needs to consult a lawyer for her options.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Jul 04, 2008
Child Molestation/Rape is a Vicious Cycle...REPORT to POLICE!
by: Allie L

Dear Dr. Barriere,

I hope that you don't mind if I refer to you as Doctor, since I feel that your research, professional and personal experience regarding this area of expertise as well as your advise is extremely positive... better than the advise some of the Ph.D Psychologists have given me in the past. You should be awarded an Honorary Doctorate!
Anyway, thank you for your advise, I also want to mention that The Vicious cycle of abuse will never end until the police are contacted and criminal charges are followed through..This happened to my daughter, because I was specifically told when I was 15 that I would never convince a court room that my father's attorney friend/drummer in his band raped me! Who is going to believe a 15 year old versus an attorney who puts on the "perfect facade?" Likewise, when this happened to my daughter when she was 4, I thought about this and I realized "ditto" who is going to believe a four year old versus a Ph.D business professor/Dean of a university who also puts on a perfect facade? The only way for this cycle to be broken is for the victims to file a police report against the child molester/pedophile/rapist.
Also, there was a movie on Lifetime TV. called: "Shattered Trust: The Shari Karney Story." She is a California attorney who set a precedent and changed the Statutory time period/Statute of Limitations in which a child can file criminal charges against the rapist/molester. Apparently, she changed this to 20 years from the date at which the child was molested/raped. She should be commended for sending a lot of child molesters/rapists to Jail! I was raped in Illinois (over 20 years ago) and my daughter was molested in both Illinois and California approx. 14 years ago!) She can actually file both a criminal and civil law suit against Professor Dr. Harry L. (South Carolina Dean of Business Professor) We just need to find an attorney who is not intimidated nor afraid of Dr. Harry. He is a vindictive abuser and notorious for intimidating people. He is a misogynist!!!

Thank you so much for your support!

Allie L.

Jul 05, 2008
Thank YOU...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Wow, Allie, you certainly know how to deliver a heartfelt thank you! I'm deeply honoured that you hold me in such high regard, and that you took the time from your busy schedule to relay your appreciation. It came at a very opportune time: off the heels of some very angry and nasty comments directed at me that no one but me will ever see.

I hope you'll let my visitors and me know how you and your daughter progress through this difficult struggle, Allie. I sincerely wish you both all the best the future has to bring. You both deserve nothing less.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

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