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Jul 02, 2008
Such a worthwhile message...but I offer no way to "alleviate the pain"
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Allie, I applaud the fact that you are going onto therapy with your daughter. Both you and she have a long road ahead of you; there's a great deal to repair between you. Not only do you have to deal with your own past and the unbearable feelings of betrayal from the people who were supposed to protect you and get you the help you needed once you had been harmed, you'll also have to help your daughter through the very same feelings of betrayal and abandonment, but from the other side of it. That will be extraordinarily difficult.

As for the "pain" being alleviated, the only way I know is through it. I know of no way to circumvent it, and NOT have it adversely affect every day of your life, every relationship, every decision you make. But what I will share with you is how important it is for you during therapy to acknowledge—TRULY acknowledge—not just your part in this for your daughter, but also all that she is feeling and all that was affected in her life because of molestation and having it "swept under the carpet" by her mother. Unless and until she knows that you understand what this really did to her—and I believe you do understand—she will never get passed it. Unless and until she believes that you understand the hurt, the betrayal, the abandonment, and all the things she did in hopes of coping (possibly perfectionism, eating disorders, body image disorders, throwing herself intensely into her school work so as not to have to spend even one second thinking about what happened to her), all that her body endured (possibly sleep disorders, nightmares/night terrors, headaches, stomach aches, teeth grinding), she will not be able to move forward with you.

Allie, you need to be prepared for what is to come. You're going to need your own personal support system throughout this process. Your daughter will want to know 'why.' But even when you tell her why, your answer will likely not be enough for her because there is no good reason why. I hope you're ready for that. But more importantly, don't tell her that there is no good reason; let her get to that point herself. I hope as her mother you are ready for her to say the most hurtful things to you; her anger is so deep that she needs to be able to rid herself of it. She needs to hate you in order to love you. Given what you yourself endured, Allie, I believe you understand what I mean by that. One way that will surely anger your daughter even more is for you to "give her permission" to be angry with you, or for you to "grant her the right" to hate you. Let her get there herself, Allie. Be there unconditionally for her. This is the path that will "alleviate the pain" and allow healing to begin for both of you, together.

Part 2 follows below.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Jul 02, 2008
Part 2: Statute of limitations for child sexual abuse in California:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

If your daughter was molested in the State of California, there may be some legal redress. Even if the criminal statute of limitations for reporting has expired—and I'm not entirely sure that they have expired—a civil suit is still possible. Now that your daughter has turned 18 years of age, she has somewhere between 3 - 8 years, the years being dependent on the circumstances, to file a civil claim against this man. I'm not an attorney, nor is this post intended to offer any kind of legal advice. Your daughter needs to consult a lawyer for her options.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Jul 04, 2008
Child Molestation/Rape is a Vicious Cycle...REPORT to POLICE!
by: Allie L

Dear Dr. Barriere,

I hope that you don't mind if I refer to you as Doctor, since I feel that your research, professional and personal experience regarding this area of expertise as well as your advise is extremely positive... better than the advise some of the Ph.D Psychologists have given me in the past. You should be awarded an Honorary Doctorate!
Anyway, thank you for your advise, I also want to mention that The Vicious cycle of abuse will never end until the police are contacted and criminal charges are followed through..This happened to my daughter, because I was specifically told when I was 15 that I would never convince a court room that my father's attorney friend/drummer in his band raped me! Who is going to believe a 15 year old versus an attorney who puts on the "perfect facade?" Likewise, when this happened to my daughter when she was 4, I thought about this and I realized "ditto" who is going to believe a four year old versus a Ph.D business professor/Dean of a university who also puts on a perfect facade? The only way for this cycle to be broken is for the victims to file a police report against the child molester/pedophile/rapist.
Also, there was a movie on Lifetime TV. called: "Shattered Trust: The Shari Karney Story." She is a California attorney who set a precedent and changed the Statutory time period/Statute of Limitations in which a child can file criminal charges against the rapist/molester. Apparently, she changed this to 20 years from the date at which the child was molested/raped. She should be commended for sending a lot of child molesters/rapists to Jail! I was raped in Illinois (over 20 years ago) and my daughter was molested in both Illinois and California approx. 14 years ago!) She can actually file both a criminal and civil law suit against Professor Dr. Harry L. (South Carolina Dean of Business Professor) We just need to find an attorney who is not intimidated nor afraid of Dr. Harry. He is a vindictive abuser and notorious for intimidating people. He is a misogynist!!!

Thank you so much for your support!

Allie L.

Jul 05, 2008
Thank YOU...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Wow, Allie, you certainly know how to deliver a heartfelt thank you! I'm deeply honoured that you hold me in such high regard, and that you took the time from your busy schedule to relay your appreciation. It came at a very opportune time: off the heels of some very angry and nasty comments directed at me that no one but me will ever see.

I hope you'll let my visitors and me know how you and your daughter progress through this difficult struggle, Allie. I sincerely wish you both all the best the future has to bring. You both deserve nothing less.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Feb 14, 2009
granddaughters
by: Lou

I have three beautiful little granddaughters, twins are 6, little one is 5. They are sexually molested by their mother's boyfriend. He is an adjudicated sex offender. We have taken them to hospital several times. (My son is the mother's ex) The doctors have concluded sexual assault. We have taken her to court. Judge will do nothing. The system does nothing for children. Our judge is an idiot. I pray that somehow, someday we will catch this bastard. My little granddaughters are terrified, and raped on a regular basis. And he gets to laugh as no one will do anything to make it stop. Especially their mother. She gets to laugh too. They don't care.

Feb 15, 2009
Dear Lou
by: Allie

Dear Lou,
I was raped as a child...I did the right thing and I reported it to Social workers..nothing was done because the man who raped me was my father's best friend...a very smooth talking attorney who used his fancy words, rhetoric and persuasion to "talk himself" out of raping me. If I had "hind sight" I would have bought a gun and shot him in his private parts so that he could not do this again to another child....but realistically speaking... had I done this, I would have gone to prison. Conversely, prison would not have been that bad (at least in prison, he could not rape me any longer!) Had I bought a gun and murdered this rapist...prison would have been better than the severe depression I have suffered over the years...however...murdering this rapist is not an option! you are the adult and you need to be the "voice" of your grandchildren. Do you want them to suffer emotionally from this? Do you want them to use drugs and alcohol to suppress the pain of being raped? If nothing is done, do you want your grandchildren to use their rape as to why they become prostitutes when they are teenagers? Do you want them to run away from this rapist and commit suicide when they are teenagers because of what this rapist did to them? These are all actual possibilities of what may happen to your grand children if nobody "goes to bat"
for them and helps them!" Your job is to protect them and keep them physically and emotionally safe!
Since the judge is doing absolutely nothing, as a survivor of rape myself, I recommend that you have a PLAN. First find an "underground" anti rape organization who will help you to help your grandchildren. The state I reside in has: "WAR" Woman Against Rape which was changed to: "United Against Sexual Assault". Do a thorough investigation on line and make sure that this is a legitimate organization. I recommend that you contact all of the "woman's shelters" in your state and neighboring states. You may have to remain anonymous and go underground...You may need to sell your house, car, cash and all of your savings and retirement and then take your grandchildren out of state or perhaps to Canada. Are you willing to do this? In the eyes of the law, the general public and the news media, your grandchildren's rape will be twisted and misconstrued to make it look like you are the "bad guys". They will twist everything to make it appear as if you are kidnapping them across state line rather than helping them. Remember that the "victims are always victimized." Please do not give money to anybody...You want to make sure that the person who is willing to help you is from a legitimate underground organization and not a scam artist.
Feel free to donate money to them after you and your grandchildren are settled and living safely and comfortably in a new town. I wish somebody had done this for me. Good Luck!


Mar 06, 2010
My exhusband is a child molester
by: Elizabeth Balkovec

I found out that I was married to a child molester the day I came home from the hospital after giving birth to my third baby. When I got home, xxx asked me to put ointment on her because she was hurting. She was red. I asked her what happened. She told me that her father spread her legs apart and put his fingers in her. I put Desitin on her and told her to get dressed. I confronted her father and he admitted that he molested her. He told me that if I called Munhall Police, he would tell them not to believe me. I knew he was right because they have always believed his lies. He told his family, my siblings, friends and neighbors that I have post-partum depression and not to believe anything that I tell them. No one would believe me.
Roy lies and lies and lies. That is a characteristic of Antisocial Personality Disorder (Sociopath). Everyone believes him. He loves to be pitied. Roy has every characteristic of the Sociopath that is described on the websites. As long as he is not confronted to face his problems, he will not get help.
My daughter has repressed memory and is emotionally distraught. As a child, she told a neighbor that she wished she was dead. When I talked to her about it, she could not explain why she felt that way. When I asked Roy to get help for her, he refused. She is continually becoming more and more emotional as she gets older. She has always felt different from her classmates. I always sensed that her problems are from being molested and have begged Roy to help her; he refuses. He tells me to get on with my life and quit dwelling on the past.
He told me that if I can find someone to do a lie detector test and if I would pay for it, he would take the test. I contacted Mr. William Barrett at Assured Polygraph Services, Inc. and paid for the test. Several times, Mr. Barrett called Roy to set up an appointment but Roy never returned his phone calls. So, I took the test. Here are the results: ,
1. Regarding when you say your ex-husband Roy admitted to you that he sexually assulted xxx, do you intend to answer truthfully each question about that?
Answer: Yes
2. Did you lie when you said Roy admitted to you that he sexually assulted xxx?
Answer: No
3. Did you lie when you said Roy admitted to you that he sexually assulted xxx when xxx was about 5 years old? Answer: No
4. Did you plan to lie and make up a story that Roy sexually assulted xxx?
Answer: No
it is my opinion that you were evaluated as No Deception Indicated (NDI) or Truthful. Your score was a +6 a definite truthful conclusion can be rendered at +6. A deceptive or not truthful conclusion can not be rendered unless the score is a -6. Any score in between -6 and +6 is inconclusive.Additionally, I conducted an independent computer algorithm-scoring program,PolyScore developed by John Hopkins University, on your data. PolyScore confirmed my assessment that you were truthful.

Jul 26, 2010
Be True to Yourself
by: Nick Weissner

You need to give your Life and Surrender your Heart to Jesus Christ. He is the Master at restoring broken Lives and Healing broken hearts. He Will also lead you to Victory, Redemption and True Internal Happieness. Phillipians 1:6 With Christ Nothing is Impossible, not even finding Justice for a long time child molester. You will never find release from your Past if you dont find Forgiveness for your sins. Ephesians 2:8-9

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