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Child Abuse Story from Nikki

by Nikki
(Utah, USA)

I was 5-6 years old. I was the youngest of 4 children. My oldest brother was 12. My parents would leave him to watch us when they went out.

We had a family room in the basement and I went down there to watch tv. There was a computer in the corner of the room. My brother came down and sat at the computer while I was watching the movie. When I got up to go he got in front of me so I couldn't get passed him and he asked me to let him touch me down there and I told him no at first I felt scared and he wouldn't get out of my way he continued to beg me and said if you loved me you would let me and continued to make me feel guilty about saying no I ended up giving in and letting him do it and from that time on whenever we were alone together he would touch me and make me touch him he made me get naked with him in the shower I don't remember much else of that incident I felt alone and I felt like it was all my fault I wanted it to stop but I was too afraid to say anything.

When I finally got up the courage to say something, I am not sure how long it had been going on, but I remember one day my mom was getting ready to leave and she was going to leave me with my brother and I don't know what came over me but I was scared I didn't want to be alone with him again so I ran up to my mother and started begging her please mom take me with you don't leave me please don't leave me and that's when she looked at me and asked what is wrong with you tell me what's wrong and I just blurted out he touches me and she was so mad she ran into the front room and told him if he ever touched me again she would kill him. I guess that really scared him because he never even looked at me again after that. My mom did tell me to tell no one about what happened. It was like a big family secret. I didn't get counseling until I was 16 years old.

I am writing this so that other girls don't feel they are alone, and to tell them it is never your fault.

Email addresses, phone numbers and home addresses in comments are strictly prohibited.

Comments for
Child Abuse Story from Nikki

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Sep 02, 2007
 Betrayed by brother and mother
by: Darlene Barriere

Nikki, your mother should never have told you to keep the secret; you should have been allowed to tell. And you should not have had to continue to live under the same roof as your brother because he was your abuser. The "big family secret" was a big family lie, a lie that cost you on a deeply emotional and spiritual level. Your brother should have been removed from your home, and your mother should have gotten you the help you needed long before you were 16 years old. I sincerely hope the counseling has helped you, and I hope this site can help you in some way too.
Sep 04, 2007
 I feel ur pain
by: Anonymous

ur story made me cry but i went through da same thing but except it's wasn't my brother it was my older first cousin.....it's was both of my older boy cousin...i living with dat everyday..nobody doesn't kno but God
Sep 16, 2007
 brave
by: Anonymous

to get the courage to tell your mum is well brave. i would never have been able to do what u did.hope you know none of that was your fault
Sep 18, 2007
 silenced no more
by: angie

i cannot believe how many people that are supposed to love us and protect us make us keep these things a secret. it is so unfathomable to me as to how your own child can suffer abuse at the hands of someone close or not so close, it should not matter if it is someone they love or not because by keeping it secret you are telling the abuser that it is okay and leaves the situation open to happen to someone else. i understand that most dont have the courage which is totally understandable, or would just rather forget it ever happened (which is near impossible), but to those who find they do have the strength please tell someone, report it, anything, someone will always be there to believe you and help you, you will never be isolated and alone again...
Jan 24, 2008
 Thank you for your comments
by: Nikki

I know my mother should have said something and she tells me she regrets not doing more. but at the time she didnt know what to do. she was scared of having the family torn apart. and I did get good counceling and I am happy with a husband and beautiful daughter. and I have forgiven my brother for what he has done. later I learned he almost commited suicide because he felt so bad for what he did. that tells me he was truely remorseful for what he did.
Feb 03, 2008
 A reply:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You're very welcome for my comments, Nikki.

I'm glad that you received counselling that helped you, and that you have a happy life with your husband and daughter. The fact that you have forgiven your brother says that you really are moving on.

I thank you for taking the time to write a thank you and an update.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

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