Child Abuse Story From Jodie

by Jodie
(Scotland)

When I was a little girl, around about 6 years old, something unforgettable began to happen. It was to be the start of a long journey through Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, anxiety-provoked seizures, and admission as a teenager to a Young Person Psychiatric Unit known as YPU after suicidal ideation. All of this had a story behind it, sexual, physical and emotional abuse for what seemed like forever.

The hardest part to all of this was that I was too young to fight off my old and wrinkly step-granddad. I begged him to let me go and to stop, but because he was older, I couldn't fight him off. He was too strong and heavy. Many people say to respect your elders...well, that was exactly how I was brought up, respect your elders and don't speak unless spoken to. People say that you learn and pick up personalities from different people throughout your life. I guess I learnt the hard way, trust what your heart tells you and don't trust those who hurt you because it leads to much more difficult stuff like trusting people, especially trusting yourself.

Some of the things that happened to me were quite unbelievable. I was strapped against a fence and blind folded (terrorised). Attempts were made to drown me by being held down in a bathtub. I was locked in a small cellar in the dark, to the point of me banging my head off the brick walls and taking seizures to get me out of the situation for a while. Never mind him undressing me and having sex in my dad's room. Putting a gun to my head and showing me how to kill myself through jumping from bridges, cutting my arms and legs, hanging myself with a noose and taking overdoses. Never mind banging my head off walls and solvent abuse. It's a bit extreme, I know, but when it comes to the crunch, I have no control over myself. I go off and do it because I feel it's the only power I've got. I'm not always like this. I just tend to have low mood and stuff. I have good days and bad days. It's just the bad days are too extreme as I tend to run away and attempt suicide whilst being caught by police and sectioned, etc. It's a crap life sometimes, but I suppose they section/detain me for my own safety.

The person who abused me is in my head 24/7, constantly worrying me and abusing me in my mind. He walks with me and watches what I say. He tells me to do stuff I don't want to do because he knows that I love my family and that he would kill them if I talked about anything. That's not all he's said. He's said much much more. It's more than scary....

I guess ending up in the YPU was really the crappiest time of my life, although it helped in the long run to keep me safe and secure from the outside. It's nowhere to be for a 16-year-old though. It's not like any other mental health hospital. This one is different. This one goes out of its way to help and support the young person through a hard stage in their life. I was there from September 2007 to January 2008. It certainly made me act more my age.

I guess the final part to this story isn't completed yet, and won't be for another few years. I'm on the long road to recovery through psychiatry, psychological and many other therapies, including family sessions, meetings, hospital appointments and police work to get this mess sorted out, if it will ever be.

In conclusion, I say to all:

You'll never forget the past, but with help you can learn to put the bad to the side and try to live the life you're meant to be living. Not one in the past.

May god be with every child moving from childhood into adolescence who has gone through any trauma. And may the guilty people be prosecuted for what they've done.

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