Child Abuse Commentary From Rebbeca

by Rebbeca
(Location Undisclosed)

I think I may have missed some signs: 
I am writing because I called CPS on my former boyfriend. We are not in a custody battle and if I wanted a custody battle I would have started this while I was pregnant or even now as he is getting ready to go to trial for involuntary manslaughter while intoxicated.

My 4 year old daughter came home in January and when getting ready to go to bed I asked her if she took a bath and she replied yes my dad and I showered. I asked if her father was in the shower with her and she replied yes. I thought surely she has confused the facts. There is no way a 30 year old male would bathe with her. I texted her father and asked if he took a shower with her and he replied yes. I asked if he could clarify for me if he was in the shower with her and he replied yes. Hope this is not a problem. I freaked out because of some of my past experiences and as a psychology major the things I have read. I began to grill her and asked her who washed her private parts and she replied her dad. I asked who washed his and she said I did. I kept grilling her which I probably should not have. When I asked if she could show me how they bathed each other she bathed herself all over even her vulva. I asked if she was asked to bathe him and she said yes. I asked if she would show me and she did a jacking off hand motion. She then said he rubbed his pepee all over her bottom. I freaked out and called CPS. Over the next couple of days I just informed her she should not bathe with men and told her it is okay for her to bathe with her grandmother and mother (I now believe no adult should bathe with her after reading stories). During the process of interviewing my little girl told the workers she did not bathe with her dad and she only bathed with her grandmother and mother. They have closed out the investigation and I believed maybe I had blown the situation out of proportion or I had overreacted so i just informed her dad about CPS and how we should not allow her to be with males alone. Needless to say I still feel uneasy letting her go on visits to her father's and I feel I may have jeopardized her situation by lecturing her the day after. I don't know if I'm overreacting and was this a freak accident or if it did and this is something happening to her. During this month she was bed-wetting and not wanting to go to her father's. Also, the director of her daycare pulled me aside and told me they found her on the playground riding another little boy. She said she was massaging his shoulders. The worker said she rolled over and told the little boy it was his turn and the boy walked off. He freaked out and does not play with her anymore. I have always had a hard time establishing boundaries myself and feel I have no solid evidence to get a case again.

Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Commentary From Rebbeca

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Aug 23, 2011
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Clearly, there are signs, both at home and at daycare. Unfortunately, if your daughter doesn't corroborate what you say she said to you, then CPS's hands are tied, unless there is more evidence. Four-year-old's are easily manipulated, and they are extremely vulnerable, as you know. It's not unusual for them to take what is said to them and mix it up when being questioned by CPS workers, which is why it's not advisable for parents to be grilling their children when they suspect abuse...parents are too close to the situation and emotions can get in the way. A child is very easily confused, and children read body language like no one can. It's very likely too that your daughter was trying to please you by saying what she said to the CPS worker. Please don't think this is your fault, and don't beat yourself up. I'm only trying to point out to all my visitors what can happen when things are handled in certain ways. Keep the routine normal at home. Keep your emotions in check. Remember, your daughter can read you like no one can. And she will blame herself whenever she sees you upset; that's simply the nature of young children. Have your meltdowns when she is not with you, difficult as that will be.

I strongly recommend some form of counselling for both you and your daughter. Also, you didn't say where you live. If you're in the USA, please contact Child Help at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) in order to talk to someone about yours and your daughter's situation. They are staffed 24/7 with professionally trained counsellors who will listen to you and be able to give you options and suggestions. They are not a reporting agency. Visit their website by copying & pasting the following URL into your browser:

Another resource might be a women's shelter.

I wish you and your daughter all the best, Rebbeca. Thank you for sharing with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Aug 24, 2011
LOVE will be your winner: You'll be fine because you want to be a good mother
by: maurice

I believe this Rebecca: A mother's love for her child is natural an real especially when it comes to safeguardng and protecting it from danger and abuse: You are a good mother you'll work with your natural insticts always but NOW you have Darlene's loving, caring, supporting trustworth (spoken from her heart) words of advice: Parenting courses seem now to be the in thing to teach the art of parenting: ( commendable) neccessary and needed but we must not allow parenting to become a head thing: A mother is a very precious woman especially after birthing a child so beautiful naturally: The natural way good parenting took place through the years is good mother sharing from their hearts with each other as neighbours more importantly as friends: Sisters within families also kept each other doing the right thing: I know so many absolute good and great families especially among my friends who are bonded in love as their own family and now are watching out for each other in the rearing, loving and cherishing of their own children: They tell me nothing will substitite for that in a marriage or in the Love of a precious child: Rebecca: Have friends who are mothers whom you can share in total trust and be trustworthy with speaking from your heart: Also some form of counselling a must Rebecca just to put all you shared here with Darlene and her family of visitors into perspective: ALWAYS BELIEVE IN YOURSELF: You are a good MOTHER: The best: Just Live well: Laugh Often: Love much: I WILL I CAN I MUST BECAUSE ME AND MY DAUGHTER ARE WORTH IT: Make sense too of what Darlene said in love to you in her personal comment: Parents should not grill their chuldren when they suspect abuse: I am certain there is a huge message of love from her heart in that for all parents: She is a gifted and professional woman with a woman's heart:

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