Trying to be a strong mother for my children:
My 2.5 year old twin son and daughter had been physically and sexually abused by a live-in caregiver (non-relative, hired help). The caregiver had been living with us since they were born, so I have no idea how long it had been going on for. Although it is hard to not let my emotions run over, Darlene gives the best advice to provide lots of love, hugs and support. As a mother going through a similar situation, I can relate to how you are feeling (see commentary on this site titled My daughter was sexually abused written by Rebecca B.).
For me, the signs (physical and behaviour) had been there and my children were trying to tell me the best way that they could, but I just didn't understand it at the time. I fired the nanny a little over a month ago for a number of reasons and have been going through continuous disclosures from my children (especially my daughter) since the nanny has left. It has been a frustrating situation as the process from the police and Children's Aid Society isn't helpful (my toddlers were expected to disclose in a 15-minute interview with a police officer in a questioning room at the police station). The disclosure included code words that the nanny had taught my children, which meant nothing to the officer - and of course, what my children tell me doesn't hold any weight towards the investigation. The nanny hasn't even been brought in for questioning.
As a parent, it makes me very angry that she can just walk away as if nothing had ever happened. All I can do is be grateful that she is out of our lives, my children had actually told me what had happened (to a certain extent), and we can move on from here. I have been providing lots of happy times with my children, lots of love, hugs, kisses and a listening ear for the past several weeks. Each week I see progress with my little ones and I now realize how damaging their environment must have been (my daughter has had trouble sleeping for the past couple of years - she actually enjoys going to sleep now, and my son has had chronic eczema all over his body for the past couple of years and it has totally cleared right up - it's like a miracle!).
The guilt, frustration and anger is hard to hide, but I do not want my children to think that it is directed at them. I just hope that they do not remember this and do not suffer the affects later on in life.
I'm angry at the justice system as it seems to be set up for the offender and not the victim. For the most vulnerable & young, the system doesn't work at all and the offenders probably realize this.
I feel guilt, sadness and pain as I look back now and think "why didn't I see it? If only I did this or that, maybe I could have stopped it earlier". As a mother, I never imagined this would happen to my children. And I can't change it. But I did the best thing a mother could - I listened to them and believed them.
To Rebecca B at My daughter was sexually abused: The more hugs, support and love you can give right now, the sooner it will help ease the pain in your daughter's heart.
Darlene's comments to this Child Abuse Article titled "Twins Suffer Child Abuse: A Mother Speaks Out" can be found at Comments below this submission. Depending on system activity, there are sometimes delays in comments going live on my site; but rest assured, they do eventually appear. So if you don't yet see them, I hope you will return later to read what I, and possibly others, have written. I thank you for your patience and understanding.
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