Turned Into Satan!

by Jamie
(Florida, USA)

Okay so I am a teenager who was trying to find love. I thought I found it when I met this guy. He was hot, funny, nice, honest and caring. He and I started talking. We exchanged numbers and he texted me that same night. We texted every day, all day long. He called me the first time that same night and he seemed perfect. We hung out every day and had a blast. We became a couple soon after and he was amazing. I started to really like him and eventually I fell in love with him. He treated me like a princess that I thought happily ever after! Nope I was wrong.

Shortly after, I noticed he was acting a bit different, so I assumed it was hormones since we were teens. I was way wrong.

I remember I wore a pink shirt and shorts because it was summertime and I felt confident. I wore makeup because it made me feel good and he said you look heavier than the last time I saw you. I cried. I said I had a big lunch so I felt a little bloated. He said I didn't mean it, I'm so sorry. You are beautiful. I brushed it off and forgave him. I thought, okay, its not going to happen ever again and we forgot about it. Nope I was wrong again.

I met his parents for dinner one night and one of my guy friends texted me. They read my phone and they said why don't I date guys in my religion. I said I don't feel comfortable about that. They kept asking me the same thing so I told them I have a preference of it. He and I were going to a theater show and he lost the tickets so I was looking for them. That's when Satan came out. I was looking for them and he was screaming at me, threatening, cursing and almost hit me! I was crying so hard I hid. He ran after me and apologized. I had makeup running down my face and he kept saying I'm so sorry for doing that. I said don't do that again! He said okay I won't ever again. Boy was I wrong.

Every time my phone vibrated from a text, he would get so jealous. If my friends and I were hanging out, he'd call and leave like 30 messages and 20 texts. If I didn't have my phone, he'd call my mom and ask where I am. He always criticized what I wore and the makeup. He always said I prefer you don't look too sexy because that'll attract guys and I don't want you to do that.

I transformed myself by getting a new hairstyle and he didn't like it. I have the best job in the world and he always got mad if I was called in to cover a shift. He would talk about his ex like every day and it drove me nuts. He made me feel insecure.

I felt trapped. I felt like garbage. I saw Satan again.

He said you're fat, stupid, ugly, worthless. I can't have friends, career, family, I can't be happy. I have to live by his rules. I felt like I was walking on egg shells. I felt like if I said something he would hurt or worse, kill me. When he tried to hit me, I thought I'm dead. One hit and I'm going to be buried. He was so possessive and had to know my every move. If I was on the phone, he'd check to see if it was a guy. If it was a guy, he'd tell me I can't see or talk to him. I had no idea this was abuse.

I gave up eating and lost weight. I felt like I was disappearing but I didn't care! My clothes were big and I felt good about myself. He said oh so you lost weight I like the new you. I hated it. I felt I didn't belong on this earth. I never planned on ending my life, but it was something I thought about.

So what made me wake up and see?

I called my best guy friend and told him what was happening. I finally told my mom, sister, grandma, friends and they helped me. I was getting ready to go out and I wore a nice outfit. He called. Wanted to have a date night. I said can't. I'm busy. He was screaming, cursing, threatening to hurt himself and said I don't give a f*** about anything. I'm your priority. I cried so hard that my mom saw and I told her what the phone conversation was and she said what do you want to do? I said, Mom, it has to be over. I can't do this. He scares me so bad. So she said if you don't want to end it, let me. Just tell me what to say. I told her what to say and that was the end of us.

He was emotionally abusive to my whole family. I felt upset that it was over, but happy. I was crying because he was the love of my life who I was with for 6 years. I started eating again, gained the weight back. I'm confident, happy and still have the job and friends. I still am hurt by it, but I tell myself I am beautiful and I don't think he was the right guy for me. I still have the moments of thinking I'm fat, but I know I'm not.

He messaged me a few days after the breakup and said please take me back. I didn't mean to hurt or scare you. I said you hurt me so bad. He said I'll do anything to have you back. I said you're a monster. I can't. You hurt me so bad, I don't think I could trust another guy. But I'm slowly starting to trust people again.

If I can share my story about it I want to make it clear that you can leave! I thought I couldn't, but did! I'm incredibly happy and thankful I did! There's things I wish I could stop, but that's all in the past.

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From Victim to Victory
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How I got over the devastating effects of child abuse and moved on with my life


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