Should a bachelor marry a sexual abuse victim who has a child from that abuse?

by Name Undisclosed
(Location Undisclosed)

Need Advice: 
Is it a wise decision for a bachelor to marry a child sexual abuse survivor who has a child from that abuse?????


Reply from Darlene: Before I can answer this question, I must first address a few underlying issues. One of the most important messages to understand is that child sexual abuse is NEVER the child's fault. The criminal acts committed against a child, female or male, are the sole responsibility of the offender. I want to be clear here, if you are asking the question above because you in some way believe that the woman who was sexually assaulted as a child and then gave birth to a child as a result of this sexual abuse is in some way sullied because it, then your mindset needs to change.

It is a reality that female children—and subsequently adult women—who come from patriarchal societies that view women as second class citizens are often blamed for the assaults they have no control over, including sexual assault. What's even worse is that in such societies, especially in societies that expect females to marry as virgins, women who were assaulted as children may be considered "tainted" and therefore unworthy of a husband. It is that much worse for the woman when she has conceived a child as a result of sexual assault, even if she herself was a child at the time of the assault. But not only does the mother in this case carry the societal burden and shame; her child does as well, especially if the child born of the assault is female. Unless and until societies such as these begin to understand that child abuse in any form is NOT the fault of the child, unless and until the traditional and cultural ways of thinking shift to one that is compassionate and empathetic toward the victim and punitive toward the offender, then child abuse in these countries have no hope of being eradicated.

Remainder of my answer to this Ask Darlene question "Should a bachelor marry a sexual abuse victim who has a child from that abuse?" can be found at Comments below this submission. Depending on system activity, there are sometimes delays in comments going live on my site; but rest assured, they do eventually appear. So if you don't yet see them, I hope you will return later to read what I, and possibly others, have written. I thank you for your patience and understanding.

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Disclaimer: To the best of my knowledge the child abuse
stories on this site are true. While I cannot guarantee
this, I do try to balance the need for the submitter to be
heard and validated with the needs of my visitors.



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