Relationship Violence Story from Trapped

by Name Undisclosed
(Location Undisclosed)

I started seeing my current boyfriend when I was 13. He was perfect to me, absolutely gorgeous, funny, popular, smart and also very rich. During the first couple of years of our relationship it seemed so great. He spoiled me and treated me so well. He would get jealous though and it caused arguments. Gradually the arguments got worse.

The first time he hit me, it didn't seem that bad. I hit him and he retaliated by hitting (slapping) me back. He realised what he done straight away and apoligised. He spent days begging me to forgive him, and I did. I thought it was my fault for pushing him and hitting him first.

He didn't hit me again for a long time. But he would push me and grab me, throw stuff at me etc during fights. He also started trying to control what I did, who I'd see and what I'd wear. I'll be honest I could be a right b***h at times. I'd call him horrible names and really push him to his limits, which is why I put up with his temper for so long.

At 16 I got pregnant with his child and unfortunatly miscarried. I went a bit awol (drinking, even drugs). He took it real hard too, but tried to help me through. Then one night he hit me again. We were having a row and I said some extremely nasty stuff to him and he just lost it. Again I put up with it because I had been so bad towards him. Also I loved him so much and he had been helping me so much.

Shortly after my parents kicked me out because of my rebellious ways and because we disagreed over my future (college, careers etc). My boyfriend asked me to live with him. His house was so nice (so much nicer and bigger than mine) and getting to see him everyday, I couldn't refuse.

Having no money anymore meant I now relied on him so much more and he got more controlling. The hitting started again and became more regular. I would put up with it because he was always so sorry, and everytime he had hit me I had actually done something bad towards him or pushed him. He never beat me, kicked me, bit me or used a fist, so I didn't think it was that bad. A couple of times the neighbours had heard us and called the police who put us on the domestic violence register. But I'd always lie for him.

One day we had a fight and he pushed me and I hit my head badly. He was arrested and charged and had to spend 3 month in jail and attend anger management for 1 year (he had previous assualt charges). I refused to make a statement, but they charged him any way.

While he was in jail I found out I was pregnant. I moved in with a friend who helped me out. I decided I didn't want him to be involved with the baby. But when he got out he kept trying to be involved.

Eventually I gave in. He seemed so much calmer and genuinly sorry and aware of his previous actions. So I agreed he could be involved but it was at my control and that if he put one foot outta line I'd move away and never let him see the child.

He was so good throughout the pregnancy and when our little girl was born he was the perfect father. He still is the perfect father. As we spent more and more time together and I saw how good he was with our daughter, I started letting him into my life more and more. He genuinly seemed to have changed and I still loved him. So I ended up moving back in with him.

It was so good at first. He spoiled me and our daughter so much. He makes sure she has the best of everything. Money is no problem for him so she has the best clothes, private care, private health care. He gets me the best of everything to. He bought me a car and gets me treats.

But he began controlling me again and losing his temper, he hasn't hurt me but he shouts alot and sometimes threatens. I used to threaten to take our daughter away and remind him that he has no chance of custody with his previous charges. But I depend on him so much that it wasn't an option. He is such a good father to his child, she is everything to him. But I don't want to be with him anymore and he won't let me go. He doesn't want to be a part time dad to his daughter, her wants to be there all the time.

I tried to leave once, but he caught me and took me daughters birth certs and documents off me and hid them and threatened me. He told me that if I try to take her away from him again he will take our daughter away instead. He has the money and now all the right documents to do it. I have no money or anything. I could never offer her the same life he could. But now I'm trapped. I don't know what to do. I can't try to get him done for DV again because he hasn't laid a finger on me. I have even got to the extreme of trying to push him and trying to get him so wound up to try and get him to hurt me so I would have something against him. But I think he knows what I'm doing and does't want to risk losing his child.

I've tried speaking to him to negotiate something but he says he loves me and wants us both around. He still treats me nice when he's not telling me what I should wear, do, etc. But this is not the life I want.

Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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