At the age of 4-5, I was sexually assaulted by my first cousin. He was my father's nephew. My parents were fostering him at the time the abuse was happening. He came from a bad neighborhood of Milwaukee and my father wanted a better life for him. Almost like a second chance. So we invited him in our home. Little did we know that he was being sexually abused by another male and was mentally messed up from it. He thought that having intercourse and touching a family member was love. Being a little girl I never thought that I would EVER be touched by a close family member. He was like a big brother to me.
The abuse happened for a year without anyone knowing what was happening. After a year I had the courage to tell my parents. I was brainwashed and really didn't think that what was happen was wrong. I was told that if I would say anything the cops would be called on him and that he couldn't be with me anymore. I had to stay quiet. As a girl being brainwashed I didn't want him to leave, but that changed. Somehow my conscious or a voice told me to tell my mother, and I told her. I believe it was God that got me to tell them.
Being a little girl the PTSD wasn't showing really until I was a little older. Throughout my childhood I was a messed up girl, sexually, etc.
I'm 17 years old today and struggle with serious mental illnesses. BPD (Bi-polar Disorder), Anxiety Disorder and PTSD associated with the borderline. I'm in counselling and taking medication. I am learning how to trust men more because I can't trust even a male member in my family.
I'm recovering in so many ways and I'm here to tell you that it does get better. Recovery doesn't happen in a day. It takes patience and being strong to do it. It's not your fault, even when people may say it is. No little girl would ever think about doing something like that. You will get through it and you will overcome. It took me years to get help, and it was the best thing I've ever done. Stay Strong and be a warrior.
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