Men Scare Me

by Krystle
(Iowa, USA)

Being sexually abused threw out my my life (so I think):

My mother had just divorced my dad and found a man that she was deeply in love with. This man had two kids of his own and married my mom who also had me and my brother. The first time something weird happened, he had walked into my room and told us good morning but his penis was hanging out of his shorts. I had told my mom but "the man" laughed it off and said he didn't realize it was hanging out.

After a couple months we moved houses and "the man" had got in trouble for showing his junk off at work to women who worked there. After that had happened he was not allowed to come to the house and be around my brother or I. He then had to take a lie detector test asking if he had touched his son, daughter or my brother. He passed but when they had asked him if he touched me he couldn't pass the test. At that point I was about 5 years old. My mom didn't believe he would touch me after 6 months of him being evaluated he got to come back home. But the weird thing is didn't stop there. I was about 8 years old (so I think) and "the man" and I were swimming in our pool when he had asked me if I wanted to play Marco polo. That's the day everything began.

When we were in the pool he would grab my butt and private area over and over. I got out of the pool upset with what had happen and my mom was sitting outside the pool and she didn't realize what "the man" was doing. I jumped in the shower and next thing you know he walks in and opens the shower curtain and looks at me up and down. He left came back and did it again. I finally got the courage to tell my mom about the shower but she only yelled at him. But I have no memories of anything after that.

I was in 8th grade when I found a dildo under my bed. I had no idea what it was until I showed my mom. My mind started to wonder why that was in my room. Who put that there. Was I being molested in my sleep?? "The man" had always made sexual comments towards me but always blew them off.

As I hit my freshmen year of high school is when my nightmares started happening. But they were the same vivid dreams over and over. "The man" has been sitting at the end of my bed touching my private area or having his face there. These dreams happened until I moved out.

Then he asked me to go racing with him and for some reason I went. He was with 3 other men and he told the guys to hurry up and told me to take my pants off. I got so scared I called my husband (boyfriend at the time) and I told him what happened. My husband then beat him so bad he was hospitalized. But he didn't stop there. He pretended like he didn't know what I was talking about and his life went on. My mom died a year later and his comments towards me went on more and more.

I am 23 years old and still deal with "the man". He doesn't touch me anymore but he does has his comments of me being sexy. He likes my short shorts. I have beautiful legs. After all this, I hate being touched by any man. All men scare me, I am very depressed and what scares me even more is the fact is this isn't over. It has only got worse since my mom died. My little brother and sister live with him and the justice system won't get them out of the house. My sister told the child services that she was being touch but after them making 1 visit to their house a week they didn't see no problem in the home. I hate the state I live in. Something needs to happen to "the man".

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