Comments for Men Scare Me

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Feb 09, 2016
Krystle:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

"The man" as you call him is anything but, that's for sure. He's a pedophile, preying on vulnerable young children. Your mother enabled his perversion in the worst way by letting him back into your home. That put you and the other children at risk. He's responsible for his behaviour, she's responsible for making the decision to allow a molester into the home, knowing he was this way. But what's done is done. What's important is to now move forward.

Keep making every effort you can to help the children still in his care. Give them the Child Help number and website to help them deal with what is happening (Child Help: 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453); send them the following URL to copy & paste into their browser https://www.childhelp.org/hotline/) And don't allow this man to get near you. Don't allow him to manipulate or control you, which is what he is doing.

I can understand that you don't trust any man as a result of what he did to you, but not all men are like him. There are good men everywhere. Don't paint all men with the same dirty brush used on "the man". Yes, there are men like him, but they are in the minority.

Focus on your own healing, Krystle. You know what he did was wrong. But do you know and truly understand from an emotional perspective that you did nothing wrong. None of what happened was your fault.

I do get the sense that some of what bothers you is the unknown. I sense that you wonder if he went much further, and that frightens you even more. I know that survivors who don't remember everything want to. But I've never met one who was happy when they did remember.

There comes a point in all of our lives when we have to decide if we are going to dwell on what may or may not have happened in the past, or if we're going to make every effort to bring true healing into our present. There are those who believe that in order to heal, they must recall and rehash all that there is to recall and rehash from their past. I'm not one of those people.

Don't get me wrong. Counselling and therapy can be very helpful when walking the healing path. But I've known too many who have spent almost all of their adult lives in such counselling and therapies, without any real results. If there is no movement forward in life in the present, then one must question whether the approach is actually helpful.

You can make choices to help your Self now, Krystle. He is probably manipulating you into continuing to see him through his right as the surviving parent of the children in his care. You must protect your Self by severing contact with him.

And remember, your life is only ruined or "thrown out" if you continue to believe it is. Don't let him have that much power over you. He isn't worth it! Live your life doing things you enjoy doing, things you're good at, and make a difference in the world in some way. Use what you've been through as a springboard, a way to help others, and thus, help your Self. I know you can do all this because you already survived the worst of it, the abuse itself.

I send you love, light and healing energy, Krystle. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Feb 09, 2016
Men Scare Me
by: Carol

Hi Krystle, I hope you won't do anything drastic to "the man." That will only land you in jail...there is always a trail and surely even your post here could be found. Your sister would lose you too as well as your brother and they really need you. But encourage your sister to keep talking... to her teacher, student counselor, make police reports, friends parents if she feels safe doing so, document everything. Its really important. In Canada if a student tells school staff they are being abused/molested we are required to make a police report. The more reports there are, eventually somebody will listen I'd hope. If touching her is as far as he goes, there likely isn't any evidence and its sad that it often has to come to that before anything is done.
Is there any chance you could file for custody of your siblings? Can someone stand up to this monster? I hope you and your sister and brother find a way to get away from this man real soon. Carol

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Disclaimer: To the best of my knowledge the child abuse
stories on this site are true. While I cannot guarantee
this, I do try to balance the need for the submitter to be
heard and validated with the needs of my visitors.



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