Lost in Lust and Abuse

by Rose
(New Hampshire, USA)

The first time I can remember being touched inappropriately was by my mom when I was 4 maybe. It was only one time but it has stained me. There was also a lot of violence in my home. My step dad and mom beat each other and myself. I had violent outbursts when I was 10, 12,13 where I would just attack other kids. I was also rumored to have been fondled at age 3 by my step father's friend but don't remember it. The next time I was 6 or 7 and experimented with my half sister Who was older than I was. When I was 8 I had my first boyfriend who was 13 Who also fondled me. At age 12, my half sister and I experimented as well. My stepfather used to rub and slap my behind any chance he got. One awful day I wish I could erase is when I abused someone else. My two younger cousins, ages 6 and 8 when I was 12 or so. I felt like I was outside of my body trying to stop it from happening, but I couldn't. After one isolated act with each girl, I was horrified and twisted with guilt. Afterwards I realized these weren't experiments that were meant to take place when we were bored. Since then I have a hypersexual mind. Only God and Jesus Bring relief. I hurt so much inside sometimes. I tried to apologize to one of my cousins once but she just seemed confused. I hate myself for what I did especially since the same cousins were abused over and over by their uncle. As soon as I realized what I was doing was wrong I stopped but I still feel urges I can't explain. My heart screams to be free of these thoughts and memories.

Subscribe to Darlene Barriere's healing blog:

Healing the Body, Mind and Spirit
My goal is to inspire you, challenge your thoughts, and break open your heart. Your Self already knows you're remarkable and that the world needs you, more now than ever. It's time you know it and believe it too.
Healing the Body, Mind and Spirit

Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in submissions and visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited. Please don't include them, as they will be removed.

Click here to read or post comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Write Your Child Abuse Story.

Disclaimer: To the best of my knowledge the child abuse
stories on this site are true. While I cannot guarantee
this, I do try to balance the need for the submitter to be
heard and validated with the needs of my visitors.

E-book: Victim To Victory

From Victim to Victory
a memoir

How I got over the devastating effects of child abuse and moved on with my life


Most Recent

  1. As a Teenager

    Jan 19, 18 10:30 AM

    When I was fourteen, in sophomore year of high school, I started going to homeschool. My mom started yelling at me to move out of the house, get out, and

    Read More

  2. Didn't Break Me

    Jan 18, 18 08:30 AM

    I have to find some goodness in all things. That there can’t be things that are truly built with nothing good in them, because it’s actually how I survive.

    Read More

  3. Can't Take Anymore

    Jan 16, 18 11:41 AM

    My father was always a good father, and a good husband, until 2008. He used to go out of the country because he's a musician, and when he came home in

    Read More