Living in Hell

by Alaina
(Las Vegas... AKA sin city)

This has always been hard for me to discuss...I've never once felt safe growing up in the "projects" of Las Vegas. My mother was a meth head. As a child I constantly moved around. New school, mother has a new man, new apartment. New EVERYTHING.

My mother's smoke buddies would come into my room as a child.
First thing any of them would say to me is, '"You want to make momma happy right?"
I didn't know...they'd force me to 'blow them' they'd stick their hands where they didn't belong.
Call me a little whore if I didn't please them...

At 7 years old I was put into the foster system...
I was put in flight risk my first night for taking a run for the hills when the police told me to grab my things...
A week later, I was put into an emergency placement home. I was lucky to last a month...
I was forced into a foster home, with a foster brother who would beat me when I didn't ask permission to do anything really, get a glass of water, go to the restroom.
I had three concussions in a month and a half.
I was placed in the "orphanage" if so to say of child Haven.
I ran away after two days and was on the streets looking for a place. I thought was my home.
I was taken in by some lady who said she'd take me home...
She took me to a child shelter, where they realized I was a "warrant" of the state. I was placed in flight risk for 9 months.
After a couple counselling sessions, I was put into a drug acknowledgement rehab center. (The Betty Ford Center. In CA.)
Lived there for 6 1/2 months.
After a few foster homes, I recklessly got kicked out.
I ended up in the house I'm at now.
I was in the system 8+ years.
I now deal with unsupportive, emotionally abusive adopted parents.
I CONSTANTLY wonder when will this nightmare end.
Will I ever be freed?
I've been through so much. Will I ever be able to cut these chains?
In all reality my life is all my fears living in my head... viewing a distorted perception of heaven on earth while living in hell...