Helpless and Scared

by Zoe
(United States)

I really wanted to write a story about how I was forced into sexual things. So here it is. When I was 7 years old and my brother was 10, he used to kiss me on the lips in front of my parents. But I didn't mind cuz I was so little and innocent. I didn't know it was wrong. Neither did my parents mind cuz they thought he did that to show his love. It continued but he didn't touch me sexually until I was 14 and he was 17.

He started smoking and it was very annoying because whenever I told him to not smoke when he was around me he then blew it on my face or forcefully pulled my head to kiss me and then blew it in my mouth. I was so sick of him. My mom knew, and she would get mad and ground him but he still did it.

When he touched me for the first time my parents weren't home. We were sitting on a couch watching tv. He slipped his hand under my skirt and started rubbing. I was very uncomfortable I tried to stand up but he pulled me into his lap. I got scared and I tried to push his hands away but he kept me in his firm grip. Suddenly I felt his finger went inside me I started crying. I cried so much that he stopped and went to his room. I was so shaken up I didn't come out of my room for almost 4 days. I didn't talk to anyone. My parents thought I was sick so they didn't bother me much. I never told my parents about that because I was and am scared of him so much. I was scared if I told them then he would do much worse to me.

Now I'm 17 and he's 20 (almost 21). Whenever he wants something like the tv remote when I'm watching tv, wants snacks, a favor I do for him cuz if I don't listen to him he shows me his middle finger as a warning then I have to do whatever he asks. I have never been sexually touched by any other guy. My brother is the only one who has touched me and fingered me few times. I'm so conscious about my body and I feel so dirty. Now I wish I could've done something to stop him. He's not some physco or anything he just likes to control everything. He says he wants to show me that he's in control and stronger. He says I'm no match against him and I should be scared of him (which I am). I don't know what to do and who to tell. I don't trust anyone to share this information. But I'm glad to share it here.

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