Comments for Child Abuse Story From Pat

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Dec 11, 2008
Emotional abuse...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Pat, your father sounds psychotic. What he put you and your family through was terrorizing, a recognized form of emotional abuse. You also dealt with witnessing abuse, which is also a form of terrorizing. Emotional abuse leaves the deepest scars, Pat, because the child grows up—you grew up—feeling rejected, unworthy, unlovable, and at the mercy of a set of parents who seemed more like children themselves than the adults their years and position in life would suggest. Your father was a child molester, a sex offender. Perhaps this is the first time you've read this label for your father. What he did to you was sexual assault. What he did to you was criminal.

You were helpless and powerless as a child. You relied on your parents to love and nurture and protect you. Instead, you endured harm by them. Your father (and mother) held all the power; and they grossly misused that power. In the case of your enabling mother, for whatever reason, she chose NOT to use her power to protect you from the rages of your father, which put you and your brother in further peril. I certainly understand your outrage at her lack of action. I lived this myself.

Pat, I've learned that we can only "salvage" ourselves. Whatever path your mother is on, it's her path to walk, her path to trip and stumbled on, her path to hold steady to or veer off from. If she wants help, in particular, your help and she's asked for it, then if you are so inclined, that would be the time to offer up suggestions, advice, a listening and an understanding ear; whatever offerings you deem appropriate and effective. Having said this, an exercise I've found helpful when dealing with my "unhealthy" (stressful) thoughts, is questioning those thoughts, and then reversing them. You said, "... she had alternatives, including a wealthy father and a hometown to escape to. But she wouldn't." Do you really know with absolute certainty that this is true? Perhaps she really didn't have access to the resources of her family. Perhaps whatever resources you believe she had came at a price that she could not pay. Perhaps her childhood was filled with abuse that left her unable to act to help herself, let alone her children. Please do not interpret what I'm saying as an excuse. I offer only a possible explanation; offered as yet another lesson I learned along my own road toward healing and recovery. Counselling may help you with this further, Pat.

Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Dec 11, 2008
wow
by: kristen

Wow Pat, so horrid. I can not imagine it. No love. No self worth.

My thoughts are with you.

kristen

Dec 11, 2008
Cruel parents
by: Francine

Your perverted parents should be ashamed! They should've been in jail, your father for having his way with you and your mother for neglecting you. I'm sorry that happened to you and I hope you try counselling.

Dec 11, 2008
terrible
by: touched2mysoul

I read your story... you are in my thoughts... pain is pain and this site is a calm place to land...
i hope sharing your story helps you..

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this, I do try to balance the need for the submitter to be
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