Comments for Child Abuse Story From Lilly1

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Oct 30, 2008
You are NOT alone with your thoughts...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Lilly, I believe you'll find MANY feel as you do. The ability for a child to cope is based on a number of factors (see Sexual abuse effects on this site). My page at Sexual abuse victims provides some details about how children adapt. Check both of them out, Lilly; you might find some answers for yourself there.

As for what is normal vs. child abuse in the eyes of a child...children grow up believing that whatever is going on in their home is "normal" because they don't know any better. Children believe that everyone lives as they do, until they learn otherwise by some external means, or until they grow and come to understand what is happening to them is NOT normal, and/or until they grow and mature enough to realize that what happened or is happening to them was/is actually wrong. There are abused children who grow into adults who never question what happened to them; some of those adults go through their whole lives believing they are just fine (the vast majority are not "fine" as can often be evidenced in their failing relationships, difficulties at work, eating disorders, addictions, etc.); others go through an emotional crisis later in adulthood that is triggered by an event or a stage they have entered into.

You said you became sexual with your brother. While your behaviour toward your brother cannot be considered "normal", it is not at all uncommon because sexually intrusive children have been sexually abused themselves.

You are obviously dealing with the residual of being sexually abused, Lilly. Questioning what is "normal" isn't going to help you. What's going to help you is recognizing that what happened to you was life altering and left you with severe effects. I strongly recommend some form of counselling to help you with those effects. Your mother was wrong, Lilly; I think you know that. Use this knowledge as a springboard for change in your life; just do so with the help of a professional.

Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Oct 30, 2008
Undisclosed8
by: Anonymous

Lilly,
If you find my story (https://www.child-abuse-effects.com/child-abuse-story-from-name-undisclosed8.html) you will see that some of your behaviors are similar to how I reacted to my abuse, I was caught with other boys (that were not abusing me) because it felt good, it was what I was used to. So in that way, because of what happened to you and your brother, it was a normal reaction to the abuse you suffered at the hands of your uncle.

I also understand what you mean about disassociation in sexual situations. I want let you know that you can work through this, but you need to have a partner that you trust and that will stop when you tell him to. I found stopping when I realized that I had begun to "go to that place and nolonger feel anything physically", having a break and trying again really helped. I found it very hard to climax, I think it took a year of hard work with my partner (its a very psychological thing). Eventually things got better, I will never be an overtly sexual person and that kind of behavior causes me to disassociate, but I can have a relatively normal sex life.

Things will get better :)

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