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Apr 25, 2009
Part 1: You WERE sexually assaulted...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Carla, that man was a sex offender, a sex offender of children. You and your sister were sexually assaulted by him. And your grandmother was complicit in it. Even if it was in ignorance, she enabled the assaults against you and your sister. Chances are she will never understand her complicity. Chances are she will continue to deny her role in it.

Men like Ronald search out women like your grandmother, women who turn a blind eye to such despicable behaviour, women who blindly accept that a child can be touched without fear of reprisals as long as there is a title attached to his name. He found the mother-load with your grandmother. Her blindness set you and your sister up for continued and long term sexual abuse and the resulting emotional residue. Even if he had been a fully qualified licensed physician, his practices would still have been sexual assault. He did what he did for his own gratification; and he did it with free rein. And now you suffer the effects of ALL four types of child abuse: physical, emotional, sexual, and neglect.

Not only did you both suffer at the hands of this sick and twisted excuse for a human being, you were betrayed and abandoned by the one woman who could save you from such horrendous abuse. Having your grandmother laugh at what she termed "bashfulness" must have been unbearable given what was really going on. To be so ignored must have been excruciating. Regardless of the circumstances, you and your sister had already been in a sense abandoned by your biological mother, and here you both were, again being forsaken. Your grandmother neglected your basic needs when she didn't provide you with a safe environment, when she openly allowed this man to touch and humiliate you.

See Part 2: Appearances can be deceiving when it comes to coping... below.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Apr 25, 2009
Part 2: Appearances can be deceiving when it comes to coping...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Carla, each of us deals with abuse in our own ways. Sometimes it can appear as though a person is handling what happened to them without any problems whatsoever. But we don't know what we don't know. While your sister may seem less bothered by what this man did to you, the effects may be much deeper than you realize. Furthermore, the effects may worsen as she gets older. As she experiences more in her life there may be triggers. I sense you are making comparisons between how you and she are affected, perhaps because you somehow feel less able to cope. Try not to believe that she is somehow stronger than you, or that you are somehow weaker because of your perception of how she is dealing with all of this. Even though the two of you experienced the same abuse, it will have affected each of you to varying degrees for a number of reasons. I point you toward my sexual abuse effects page.

Your grandmother may never "get it". She may never be able to admit to the reality of what this man did to you both and her part in it. But that cannot interfere with your ability and willingness to heal. If you wait for her to acknowledge all of this, you are giving up your power to her, and to HIM. They're not worth giving up your power to, Carla. No one is. You're the one worthy here. You're the one who must take the reins now. You need help with this, Carla. You can't do it alone. If at all possible, I strongly urge you to seek out some form of counselling. It could make such a difference in your life.

Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

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