Comments for Child Abuse Story From Brittany2

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Mar 30, 2009
Labels about abuse are less important than how you FEEL...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Brittany, all parents have bad days. Most parents say and do things that they aren't proud of, or in retrospect, are sorry they said and did. You obviously believe your father either doesn't love you or that he has it in for you. You got those messages over the years from the ways he has spoken to you and the way he has mistreated you, especially as compared to your sister. Regardless of whether or not your particular situation falls under the accepted definition of emotional abuse (where the child gets nothing but negative messages), the fact is, you feel rejected by your father.

When a parent projects their negative feelings about their spouse onto their child, they are not only out of line doing so, they are in effect rejecting that child. I can relate to how you feel, Brittany. My mother and father argued all the time. Their arguments always got violent. There was no doubt that my mother hated my father during those times. When she was mad at me (which seemed to be all the time) she would say between clenched teeth, "You are just like your father." As I got older she would say it while laughing at me, knowing how much it hurt me; none of us kids wanted to be like my violent father, but I would rather have been like him than like her with her maliciousness and her own violent ways towards us kids. And then in front of me, she used to tell my brothers and sisters, "I don't ever want another Darlene in my house." Translation: I was the most hateful person on the face of the planet. So you see, Brittany, I do understand how you felt when both your father and his mother demeaned you for being like your mother. Not because she was a terrible person, but because they don't like the way she's behaving. When they see you behaving in a way that reminds them of your mother, they, in their troubled minds, lash out at you.

See Part 2: The messages you received are lies... below.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Mar 30, 2009
Part 2: The messages you received are lies...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Brittany, you mentioned a counsellor. I hope you are still able to talk to this counsellor. You need help sorting through all your feelings. And you need help understanding that the negative messages you've had to listen to for the last 5 or so years are simply NOT TRUE.

Don't for one second believe the lies, Brittany. You are a lovable and worthy person. You deserve love, you deserve nurturing, and you deserve dignity and respect. You don't deserve to be mistreated in any way.

Right now your father is too wrapped up in his own troubles to see anything beyond his own needs. That's not fair to you; but it is the way it is. And your mother doesn't seem to be helping the situation.

The trick here is to replace the negative messages with positive ones. I had to learn that not only was I worthy and lovable, but that I would have to be the one to give myself the love I didn't get at home. As a 13-year-old, that shouldn't have to be; but the best advice I can give to you now is to empower yourself.

Start telling yourself the truth about yourself and see the positive attributes of who you are as a person. I'm not talking about being arrogant or conceited. I'm talking about self-love. I'm talking about boosting your own self-esteem. Every time you hear a negative message about yourself, in your mind, replace that with something positive about who you are. Make a list of all the wonderful qualities you possess: caring, loving, a good friend, loyal, giving, ability to see the positive when something negative happens (like being grateful after the ipod situation; an exceptional quality, by the way!), etc. Then resort to that list whenever you need to remind yourself of the good things about you.

Another resource is Child Help at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453). They are staffed 24/7 with professionally trained counsellors who will listen to you about what you have dealt with, as well as what you are currently dealing with. You're worth that kind of help.

Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me, Brittany.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Mar 30, 2009
low self esteem is can cripple one for years.
by: Maurice

Britany, you've begun on the road to Always believing in yourself, your own self worth, self esteem, self acknowledgment, love of yourself and your body. By sharing your story it is one big step for you and in turn that brave step for you will encourage many your own age to take it too. There's goodness and greatness in all children/teens/adolescents/young adults but it has to be nurtured and affirmed by loving parents, teachers extended family members and friends. Only then can any person accept their beautiful God created self. As in quite a number of families children are put down most of the time by nagative saying and doings of their parents and older siblings. This causes deep emotional anxiety in those children for a long period of their life. I like mirrors Britany but more importantly I love who I see in the Mirror, for years though and I mean years I did not like who I saw in the mirror I had negative attitudes about my whole self especially my naughty bottom as I thought it was because I was beaten and abused by a control freak. He was beating a very beautiful part of my body putting me down as a bold boy deserving to be punished, He certainly did no good for my self esteem. With the help of a counselor and a few friends who loved me for who I was I began loving myself and my mirror image soared high within me. So Britany Darlene has advised wonderful steps for you to take now to build up your self worth/esteem. begin to take them with the help of your closest of friends. Trust them and they will walk with you building your self worth as they do.

Apr 02, 2009
Your iPod and Mine...
by: Francine

Brittany, I'm sorry about your beloved iPod; in fact, I have 2 iPods, and if my dad did something like that to either one of them, I would be so mad at him. Please tell someone about your dad cuz you don't deserve to be abused in any way. Hang on!

Jan 12, 2010
Again
by: Brittany

What do I do if this has gotten worse??
More on the hitting side???
I don't know what to do, please help

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