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Feb 08, 2009
Part 1: Emotional vs logical mind...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Alyce, as a psychology student, you probably realize on a logical level why it is that you still need your mother's love and nurturing; these are inherent and basic needs in children. When they don't get their needs met (especially these particular needs) and when they believe they are worthless and unlovable because they've been told so, or it has been expressed by the neglect they experienced, then that child becomes emotionally (and yes, spiritually) unfulfilled.

When a child is battered and emotionally abused as you were, Alyce, for every incident of abuse YOU had to endure you needed to hear how wonderful and perfect you were (ARE) about a thousand times so that those horribly untruthful messages were countered.

Of course you'd want your mother's arms around you, hugging you and protecting you and taking away all your pain, because that's what mother's are supposed to do. But you never got that, Alyce. Instead, your mother caused a great deal of your pain; and now here you are, dealing with the residual of the neglect and the beatings and the emotional battering. And if that isn't enough, you witnessed family violence and as a result were thrust into the role of protector when you yourself were the one who needed protecting. The fact that your father couldn't (or wouldn't) protect himself from his wife, let alone you his precious daughter from physical and sexual abuse at the hands of her mother, has now left you feeling even more betrayed and abandoned than ever. Especially now that you know so much more of the details. It is very difficult to reconcile yourself to the fact that as a little girl you had more wherewithal and gumption than your full grown father, the man who was in charge of ensuring your safety.

I'm not a doctor, so I don't know what your mother suffers from. It's possible she is schizophrenic. But more important than getting a firm diagnosis is the knowledge that she was and continues to suffer from some type of mental illness. No mother in her right mind would do the heinous things she did to you, Alyce. Not only was it NOT your fault, there wasn't a thing you could have done differently that would have changed the outcome.

See Part 2: Healing and recovery... below.

A Video Reading by Darlene BarriereDarlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Feb 08, 2009
Part 2: Healing and recovery...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You are now the adult, Alyce; and as such, you must look to yourself in order to get your needs met. Your mother is not capable of providing what you need—she wasn't capable when you were a child, she isn't capable now—and neither is your father. Keep seeing your psychologist. Keep learning more in your own classes, and then apply what you learn to yourself, in tandem with your psychologist. You deserve that, Alyce. You are certainly worthy of the help. As you work through the healing and recovery process, you will find yourself making more and more friends. I truly believe that.

Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

A Video Reading by Darlene BarriereDarlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Feb 08, 2009
the same
by: touched2mysoul

My story and yours have some very similiar parts to it... I read your story and I could feel the memories for myself coming back.... It is a continueous fight to stay focused on my work to get better at being me... rather than focusing and feeling what was done to me as a child. I wish you peace and love. You have started healing for yourself by going to counseling. I too am in counseling. It helps... it does.. and sometimes my counselor is the only person that i think really hears me... Know that in your writing here today... you have been heard and related to by someone who relates all to well to your story.
God Bless... may the love you deserve be granted to you in your life

Feb 09, 2009
How Could They?!
by: Francine

Wow, this is so sad and crazy! Did you forgive your parents? Your mom is wrong, Alyce,; you are not worthless; you are not dirty; you are not ugly. You are beautiful and worthy of love and respect that you deserved (and still deserve). Period. Have you tried counselling yet? Strangely enough, I went through the same thing and everyone outside of my house has always loved my parents. Stay strong, sweetheart.

Feb 11, 2009
Moving forward
by: redefine

Alyce, not every woman should be a mother and not every father can protect their child. There are many ways to move forward from such a hurt full past. Counseling was the start for me, what has maintained me is learning to develop friends. It is not easy, nothing for me is easy but I am learning what it is to have friends and how to be a friend. best wishes on your forward journey.

Feb 13, 2009
wowwwww!
by: Anonymous

omg i have never heard of anything like this before, i wish instead that you could have been taken away from that monster and couldve been adopted by a loving and nurturing family, thank goodness that she didnt kill you! i am in disbelief that your father didnt protect you!
but there is good news, Jesus loves you, in heaven your soul shall rest in bliss

Mar 19, 2009
I am hugging you
by: Kathie

I wish I could be there and hug and kiss you like I did my daughter, I have a hard time with child abuse and while I can understand that children can be trying at times, at no point should they be abused. I only spanked my daughter a couple of times and I only applied 1 small swat, it was enough to make the point without hurting her. Since it was such an infrequent consequence, it was powerful. That being said, I wish you the best and hope your recovery will bring you peace. God bless you, you deserve the happiness that God wants for all his children.

Dec 12, 2009
Healing is a Life Long Process
by: April

Dear Alyce, The healing is gradual and constant through out your life. I am sixty years old and have other sisters. We all have been victims of a mother who I believe suffered from bipolar depression and paranoid schzophrenia. Many of the violent attacks you suffered seem similiar, but not exactly the same. I have come to grips with her illness through various Internet writings like yours. I'm thank for them, as I am for your writing. What I haven't come to grips with, and don't know the answer, is whether I should forgive her? My gut feeling is to acknowledge and deal with what happened, but to hold her responsible for her abuse? In all the Internet searches I have done I have not found the answer to this. Does anyone have a comment or response to this? I am seeking resolution to this part of my healing.

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