Comments for Child Abuse Story About Nick From Alex

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Jun 05, 2009
You're ALREADY helping him...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Alex, you are already helping Nick, whether or not you realize that. Continue to be a supportive friend to him. Listen when he wants to talk. Validate his feelings when he shares them. Be his soft place to land when he needs one. Tell him all the wonderful things you see in him: how loving and caring he is, how strong his is, etc. But you can't "fix" him, Alex. You can't make him "all better". You can't "make him forget". He is on his own journey; and as such, he must make the choice to help himself. You can offer up the suggestion that he seek out some form of counselling in order to help him deal with the terrible repercussions of such horrible abuse, but ultimately, the decision must be his. Show him compassion, but don't pity him; instead, show him how strong he really is. After all, he survived parents who persisted in trying to kill him. After all, he has a wonderful friend in you; a wonderful friend who cares deeply about him. He also has great adoptive parents. That tells me he is blessed. But it's so easy to lose sight of that blessing when we are determined to live in the past. He will likely never forget what his biological parents did to him, but if he remembers that they can no longer harm him and that he is now in a safe place with loving people surrounding him (including you) his healing can begin. But his healing must start from within HIM, Alex. Both you and he must understand that.

I?ll also point you toward my page on this site titled Child abuse intervention. There you'll find the H.E.A.R.S. method, which you can use to some degree, even though Nick is no longer in that abusive environment. Also, Alex, pay close attention to the self-care. You too need to have a support in place so that you don't get all tied up in knots. You have the right to confide in someone without betraying Nick's trust in you. What you'll be confiding is how you feel about what your friend has shared with you, and perhaps some of the helplessness you feel as a result of him sharing with you. Keep in mind, Alex, that you are NOT helpless. You are, and have been, a GREAT friend to him; that is very powerful.

Thank you for sharing yours and Nick's story with my visitors and me.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Jun 05, 2009
What a caring friend you are
by: Anonymous

Alex, you are a truly kind, caring friend when it comes to your friend. I hope your friend's so-called "natural" parents and brother get incarcerated for all those terrible crimes that they deliberately committed against him. I wish both of you all the best.

Jun 07, 2009
A true friend is someone very special
by: maurice

Alex, you are one very special Teenager in your own right with wonderful caring feelings for someone who is very special to you too in his own right. A friend is a friend. Only Nick knew he could trust you telling you of the awful treatment abuse meted out on him by his sadistic and uncaring parents. How animalistic can a percent human beings stoop to??? these parents of your special friend Nick seemed not to care that they were putting him through a horrific time during his very innocent and tender years. Alex you are one very true sincere friend to you friend Nick, walk with him, Nick trusts you and I am certain you trust him. you are both good for each other learning and listening to and from each other. You will make sure Nick gets real help to work through and out of the memory of those years. Be patient with Nick. Alex great you found Darlene's site. She too is a true friend to all her many visitors. You are intelligent and I know you will read her comments and begin journeying with Nick to get the help she lovingly advises you to get him. Your the best, Nick is ever so blessed to have you as his best mate, friend, buddy, companion on his lifes journey now. Love yourself. Love him by opening up his giftedenss and his integrity. Always believe in your self. Hi pass that on to Nick. Tell him to always believe in himself. Think positive, act positive, be positive in all that you do together. Live well, laugh alot, LOVE much. Both of you look in your respective mirrors (BIG ONES) and say I can accomplish anything I want in LIFE. No doubting that fact either of you.

Sep 30, 2010
???
by: Cleo

Alex i wish i had a friend like you to confide in to talk like Nick does. I think it's great that your helping Nick. Maybe (this is just an idea) you should tell him you wrote this and he can tell his story through this site i'm 16 so about the same age group as you and Nick and i can't sleep in my house until everyone has gone to sleep and i haven't seen my Father in 1 nad a half years... I have horrid nightmares about him. But people deal in different ways they will go eventually. everyones different thought my stepdad was abused and his dad beat and did similair things to him his dad ended up shooting his mum to death soooo!!! and he had nightmares and hes says that they went on for years and then they just vanished. Gone. I dnt knw if Nicks will or not but just be there for him. tell him that he can contact you when ever he needs to talk regardless of what time it is i used to have a friend who i sat up all night with texting or talking on the phone just because i couldn't sleep because of my dreams/memories.... moved to NZ now but still talk to her. Just be there thats all you can do cousellors and stuff are ok but coming from someone whos seen like 14 in the last year... they don't stop the dreams its a subconsies thing.
your doing great already keep it up!!!! theres whats up helpline if he wants to talk. peace of advice don't go to school counsellors normal ones fine don't tell him to go to a school one just trust me on that.

Oct 01, 2010
My thoughts are with you both
by: maurice

I hope healing is taking place in Nick's life: Thanks to your good self Alex: A true friend is a lifeline of hope: A good friend is worth his/her weight in gold: Nice to be re-conneted in hope that Darlene's comment was a blessing and a beginning of the process for healing fro your friend: Always be lieve in yourself: Your the best: Your Special: who am I; I'M SPECIAL: Live well, laugh alot, love much, always beginning with yourself: I will: I will: becaue I am WORTH it:

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