Afraid I'm Him

by Nahom
(Virginia, USA)

So today I was in an argument with my aunt, uncle, and mom. Yep, I soloed three adults. But anyway, we were arguing about knocking on the door before coming into my room. I said that if I was changing or whatever, if they just barged in, it would be pretty rude and weird. But they said I deserved no privacy until I was 18 (I'm 16 now). So then the argument got up to beliefs and stuff, and all these guys happened to have very similar beliefs to my father, who you could say I didn't fancy much.

When I lived with him he was abusive verbally and physically, and he did narcotics when we moved to Ethiopia. Apparently he would do them here in the States, but he couldn't get them because they were illegal. So during my time in Ethiopia I always had problems with him, and my mom was always sandwiched in them. He'd always hit me and insult me till I was really hurt/bleeding/crying whether I committed a mistake or not. He was always looking for an excuse to do bad things to me or take stuff away from me. Even hard-earned cash if I had it and he was mad enough.

My Mom got so angry at him for abusing me and my sisters, that she even threatened to move back here to the States with me. But he said, "If you don't stop trying to defend Nahom (that's my name) from my discipline, then you should take him and go."


So she called me and one of my sisters to move away, but my sister wanted to stay in school and THEN move. I didn't hesitate. The abuse to me and my mother was something I wouldn't want to live with for another day if I had to. But we had to stay anyway until we processed a Visa, so I had to stay with him and she had to stay at my other aunt's house for a while. So as soon as we got the Visa, I headed for my aunt's house (the one I argued with today) and lived there without my mom or sisters.

So during the argument my aunt says I shouldn't be saying anything about my father because I'm "just like him". She said I wouldn't change either and I'm abusing my mom. It shocked me because I never tried to hit my mom, or insult her, or anybody really for that matter, only when I had to defend myself from my father. She said it was because every time she visits, I kept telling her to "get this and that". And yes, I did ask her to help me buy a phone which I would pay most of the price for, but if that's considered ordering my mother to do stuff, then I won't ever do it again.

She said I was abusive like him and would never change or listen, so I was a "Little Ti---"(my father's name). So I started to weakly say "No, I'm not, don't associate me with that pig", and "I'm not him", but she kept saying it. I just walked upstairs now because I knew I was about to cry like I'm doing now. Ti--- would have just gotten out his belt, and hit me and insulted me if I insulted him like that.

So I'm in here, you could say pretty dang insulted, pondering If I'm really what she says I am. I'm thinking, "I'd never hurt or insult anyone!", or "I'd never do narcotics to make me crazy! I'd never drink!". If I ever wanted to have a family, I couldn't imagine insulting and abusing them just because I had a bad day or because they dropped a plate or something. (And yeah legit, my 4-year-old sister dropped a plate once, and he exploded.) I couldn't imagine being so cruel that my wife would want to leave me. I even have different political views from him, (I'm a liberal democrat, he says all the time that democracy doesn't work.) if that counts. I don't even look like the creep.

Or maybe I'm just exactly like him in a different way and I just don't know it?

So, I don't know if it could it be true. If I could I be as abusive as my father.

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