Abuse in Question
(United States )
I struggle with my body image even though I'm only thirteen. I see the girls at school with their thin legs and flat stomachs and I wonder, why can't I be skinny? Why am I so fat? The abuse I get from my mom and dad don't help either. "You're too fat, you worthless piece of horse sh*t, disgusting stupid pig." these are the names my mom and dad call me. I can't remember the last time they called me pretty or beautiful, or even anything nice about my body as a matter of fact. My mother says I used to be so pretty and cute when I was little. Used to be.
Besides the name calling, they turn conversations into fights and are always comparing me to other kids, "Why aren't you so perfect? Why don't you play basketball? Why are you so ugly?" I don't understand why they can't accept me for who I am and love me. They call me disgustingly overweight and because of this I fall into depression frequently. I have done self-harm but have recovered from that although I do have some scars.
Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me. A very unreal statement. If anything, emotional abuse is one of the worst types of abuse which, as you've read is what I suffer through.
I also endure very physically abusive beatings one recently of which I got a swollen eye and a bruised hip for. One of my eyes also had a small bruise on it. When I was asked about it I just said I was tired and also walked into a wall while playing a blindfolded game.
On the outside my parents try to make us seem like a normal family, which we are very well at. I have clothes, a phone and food. On the outside. Inside my parents starve me and take away my phone. That is why I prefer to stay home alone when they are at work.
After my last beating over a simple 5 minutes of piano, I have been in a downfall mood and been crying myself to sleep lately. In school, I have friends and am on the ledge of the cliff of popularity. But I have been getting lower and lower grades despite the years of my mother yelling at me and writing down difficult curriculic questions and problems for me to do. The path of life is difficult and problematic but we have to deal with it.
I know that when I grow up I will be nothing like my parents and the abuse they give me to my own children, that is if I make it that far. I realize that my parents do care about my siblings and I but if they really want to show it they should do it with love and not with their demented form of discipline. I will love my kids and praise them for how unique they are, unlike my parents who look down on uniqueness and only on their narcissistic selves.
Now, I realize that I'm young but it's still a very real story with real pain endured. Abuse can be given at any age from 0 to 100, from human to animal or from race to gender. And just because you can't see the proof of abuse does not mean it is not there. That doesn't mean you can skip to conclusions though. (If they say they're tired they might actually be tired) which is not all situations once again.
If you or a friend is being abused try to find help with a school counselor or good friend, try to find help and always know the signs of abuse.
Subscribe to Darlene Barriere's healing blog: My goal is to inspire you, challenge your thoughts, and break open your heart. Your Self already knows you're remarkable and that the world needs you, more now than ever. It's time you know it and believe it too.
Healing the Body, Mind and Spirit
Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in submissions and visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited. Please don't include them, as they will be removed.