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Feb 03, 2016
 To Anonymous:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You are absolutely right about the toll that emotional abuse takes. Emotional abuse leaves the deepest and longest lasting scars. Especially when that abuse comes from the very people who are responsible for your safety and well-being.

When I was an adolescent, when my father sat beside me on the couch or if he was close enough at the kitchen table, whenever we had company over, he would slap my thigh really hard and make fun of my weight. He'd call me fat and worse, then laugh at me. To shame me into losing weight, he told me. I couldn't understand where he ever got the impression that shaming me in front of people would have the desired affect. Instead, he humiliated me. At the time I thought the people who witnessed these actions of my father were judging me even more than my father was, more than I was judging myself. I felt as though I was worthless. Not enough, but too much at the same time. Later, when I was about 75 pounds overweight, he would apologize to anyone he introduced me to, as though he was introducing me as some terrible person who had wronged. His earlier actions had the opposite affect, and the "apologies" only made things worse for me. Years later, I confronted him. At first he laughed it off and told me I was overreacting. But I stood my ground and let him know that what he did was wrong and that his misguided attempts at getting me to lose weight had really serious consequences for me. And when I shared with him all the unhealthy choices I made for myself because I was looking for approval, he still didn't understand. The only time he considered that he might have been wrong was when I'd lost over 150 pounds in a way that was very damaging to my body.

Anonymous, we have similar, but also different abuse stories. I want you to know that you CAN recover from what you're going through right now. I also want you to know that one of the most important things I learned as I walked my own healing path is that what others think of me is not who I really am. And if I choose (yes, choose) to allow what others say about me affect what I think about my Self, then I've given up my power. No matter who it is who is doing the telling, even your parents, don't believe the lie. And it IS a lie they are telling you, directly and indirectly. You HAVE to tell your Self something different.

I know only too well that it is much easier said than done to not let others dictate how you feel about your Self. But if there is one thing I've learned about the youth of today is that you guys are SO MUCH MORE ON THE BALL than my generation was. I was smart. But your generation is even smarter. And that tells me you have it in you to heal from this. To take what is happening to you in your life and turn it around. Turn it into something positive. For you AND for others.

You are stronger than you give your Self credit for. Reach out for help when you need it. Follow your own advice. It's really good advice. You deserve dignity and respect and love. Start by treating your SELF with that dignity and respect and love. It'll go a long way. Believe me.

I send you love, light and healing energy. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Apr 20, 2016
 Be Proud
by: Shane

Take pride in the fact that you aren't and never will be like your parents; you are brave and of admirable character and this is something that they will never have. You have no reason to be ashamed of yourself. To say those things about you and do that to you highlights their insecurity and cowardice.

From reading your story I see many positive things about you without even knowing you; you are obviously very bright and articulate, and aware. These are the things that matter and will take you far in life, but I am sure that there are beautiful things about you on the outside as well as in. I know this without seeing you. Everyone is unique.

Kind regards and keep your thoughts positive.

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this, I do try to balance the need for the submitter to be
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From Victim to Victory
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How I got over the devastating effects of child abuse and moved on with my life

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