Violent Mother

by Kyle
(Wyoming, USA)

I was in fourth grade when it started. At first is was only a hard smack on the bottom enough to leave welts. After that it progressed and be came more violent. My mother, a woman who could hardly keep a husband for more than a couple of years, decided to move from Colorado to Wyoming with her new husband. Over the years she would punch me, choke me, throw me around. And the words she would call me. No young girl should ever be called any of those. Name like: dirty little wh**e (I had never had sex), Dumb b***h, Useless piece of sh*t, F***ing c***... The list could go on for days. My little brother, nine and a half years younger than me, would try to protect me, but what could a little boy do? I normally would try to send him to our room to watch a movie so he could be shielded from some of it. And because of her I tried suicide, cutting, and even began abusing myself hoping death upon myself just to escape her hurtful actions and words. I tried to hide from her, but it never worked. She would always act kind and nice in front of company. She would call family members and tell them what I did to try and retaliate, keeping what she did a secret, making me look like a horrid child to my family. But finally she started to slip up.

First it was a punch to the face in front of my best friend, then while she had company over, and the last straw was when she tried to go after me in front of my boyfriend (now fiancee), my grandmother, my great grandmother, and my step-brother who was visiting for the summer. My grandma and step-brother went and shielded me from my mom while my great grandma told my fiancee and me to leave. My great grandma didn't care if it was legal or not (I was only 17 yrs. old), she wanted me away from my mother.

As for my little brother, who I still check up on, he is fine. My mother knows that if she makes one wrong move I'm getting my brother out of there and she will no longer have her "baby".

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Comments for Violent Mother

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Aug 24, 2015
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Clearly, your mother is deeply troubled. Whatever is going on in her life, she's taking it--or at least took it--out on you. She may well have been targeting you, which is a documented phenomenon among parents, in particular, mothers. There can be many reasons for a parent to target their child for abuse, none of them an excuse, all of them an explanation.

Though you see your mother more monster than parent--and understandably so--her flaws as a human and her inability to cope are at the core of her vile behaviour. That means that you are not to blame. It means that you ARE enough. That you ARE worthy of dignity and respect and love. I can only hope that the choices and decisions you make going forward in your life you make in your best interest, and not in order to get away or prove something to someone else.

What I hope for you is that you see your own potential and rise up to it. That you use what happened to you in a positive way, a way that can help others, as well as yourself, especially healing. And that can look different than you might expect. Make friends. Find things that interest you, things you are passionate about. Explore your Self and what you bring with you into the world. Your experiences and how to heal from them are needed in the world. But first, you must find healing within your own Self. And your ability to do so, I have no doubt, will rise right along with you.

Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me. I sent you love, light and continued healing energy, Kyle.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Aug 24, 2015
A Prayer of Restoration for Kiley
by: Michelle L

Hi Kiley,

It seems to me that you & I share something truly horrific in common.. My mother targeted me too. She said I was my father's favorite and blamed her divorce on myself. I also suffered untold varieties of abuse & shaming for the eighteen yrs that I lived at home (barring the six months she picked me up at school to take me to CYS, insisting on a "foster home or I'm going to kill her".. her jealousy was that severe and carried over into any relationship with other family members and friends.. She told them all "they didn't see the 'truth' about me"... I was polite, quiet, didn't drink or do drugs, ironed my clothes to perfection & cleaned that way too. I'm 48 now. I have PTSD severely! I'm very well read on studies of the brain and health & wellness in general and have tried my utmost to comport myself, as a lady with dignity and respect for all life but my own, through the years. I've been a terrific advocate for others in a host of ways throughout the years. I can testify to something else though that's a real danger to anybody who comes from our type of background. While it's awesome to focus on others and be a contributing member to greater good in the world, perfect housemate, employee, friend, etc etc. Acknowledge your pain early on in your healing! You were abused severely! You're real! You matter very much! You've survived an immensely horrific ordeal.. Chin up, square your shoulders and turn your face to salute the sun. Making it out alive was a major feat! At least it was for me... I buried my shame in denial for so very many yrs.

Wanted only to offer up to you the poor example I was to myself in the 20 yr aftermath of my youth. Healing has been gravely delayed not admitting to myself that my mother had actually succeeded in hurting me until these last five yrs.. I'll hopefully be fine.. I have a great team of professionals now.

I wish you opportunity and blessings, gracious people who cross your path, wellness, faith, and possibly most of all.. restoration unto that awesome person that God has you here to become.

Dec 17, 2015
by: Starkishia

Hello Kyle,
My name is Starkishia, and our upbringing with abusive mothers is very similar. I totally understand your hurt and pain because I was very young when my mother started physically, emotionally, and mentally abusing me. Every week she called family meetings where she beat and insulted me in front of my younger siblings. An innocent child, like you, I was accused and abused because her life was not the way she wanted it. And she needed a way to release her frustrations, so she chose me. Like you, I began abusing myself, and i attempted suicide by cutting my wrist when I was 10. My troubles worsened from that point.
I agree with what Darlene Barriere's comment to you. Turn your hurt into inspiration for others, and in doing so you will heal and find inner peace. Thanks for sharing your story. God bless.

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