Unable to make love with my husband: Could I have been sexually abused as a child?

by Kilee

Needing Advice: 
I came across this site hoping to find some answers.

This may sound crazy but I do not remember being sexually abused. But I do have all the symptoms of someone who was. There are huge blanks in my past though, so is it possible I do not remember it? If it did happen, how could I remember it or do I even want to? I cannot make love to my husband! It is causing problems because neither one of us understand. All I can tell him is "it's not you" But even though I tell him that, he believes it is. Pretending it's all okay in the bed is not working anymore. I JUST CAN'T DO IT! But it is NOT my husband. I Very much love him. Hope you can help.

~needing a solution

Note from Darlene: My answer to this Ask Darlene question "Unable to make love with my husband: Could I have been sexually abused as a child?" can be found at Comments below this submission. Depending on system activity, there are sometimes delays in comments going live on my site; but rest assured, they do eventually appear. So if you don't yet see them, I hope you will return later to read what I, and possibly others, have written. I thank you for your patience and understanding.

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Jul 12, 2008
Childhood sexual abuse a possibility...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Kilee, it is possible that you have been sexually abused as a child and have no memory of it, but there is no way for me to know for sure.

I have replied in-depth to others who have asked this question in various forms. I refer you to the following URLs on this site; each URL houses the question, some details, and my response:Even if you weren't sexually abused as a child, there is an underlying cause for your inability to have an intimate relationship with your husband. As I suggested to each of the above contributors, I urge you to seek out some form of counselling in order to help you understand one: why you are experiencing this inability; and two, how you can overcome the underlying cause so that you and your husband can experience and enjoy intimacy in your relationship.

I wish you and your husband all the best, Kilee.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

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