Three Strikes You're Out

by Sara
(Iowa, USA)

March 10th, 2000 was a wonderful day to some, and to others, it was just another day. However, this day to me literally made me who I am.

I was born on this day 15 years and some odd days ago. My mother was a druggy living with her mother and some of her sisters, who probably were also druggies. So this day that brought many babies into this world, me being one, drug one into a world of foster care and abuse.

I don't remember much of my past, but I read about it on my papers from when I went into foster care in 2004. I had read that my mom did drugs (big surprise) and I was removed at the age of 3, just months after my brother was born. We were in and out of foster homes, and only in one of them we were together, but we were living with our great aunt. In that home, I was molested for the 2nd time. (I also read that my mother and grandmother molested me.)

I was put into therapy for about 4 years. But me and my brother were adopted when I was 6. Not even 3 years later, my father had started raping me. It started with just touching and talking about the things he wanted to do to me. This was in 2008 and I didn't tell anybody that this was going on (which happened almost once every week until 2013) until August of 2013. This is when I told my mom but she didn't believe me, so the abuse kept happening. It finally stopped a couple months later when my mom started staying home more. But my dad would still touch me when my mom wasn't looking.

I got put into foster care again January 2nd, 2014. I am still currently in foster care with my 3rd "family". It's hard to consider myself anybody's daughter because of all the trauma.

I have been sent to the hospital over 10 times for self harm and suicidal actions. 4 of the times I stayed in the hospital for over a week. The first time was 8 days, 2nd time 9 days, 3rd time 2 days because that's when I tried to kill myself so they put me in-patient for 2 weeks. This is who I have become. This is my story.

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May 21, 2015
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

"This is who I have become" and "This is my story", the last one I accept. But I don't accept the first. You are not the story. Nor are you what has happened to you.

I know it's so hard to believe that you are so much more than what you think you are. Especially when most of the people in your life, the people who are put in charge of your safety and well-being are the ones doing so much harm. I've been there, Sara. And I too had similar feelings and emotions to what you're now experiencing. It wasn't until I began to recognize my own personal value that things really began to turn around for me.

The messages that you're getting, both directly and indirectly, are lies. So if you take what those messages are and adopt them as your own, you are accepting what simply isn't true.

I had to learn to pull myself up. To give myself all that I needed. And not to rely on the words or actions of others to build my self-esteem back up. That doesn't mean that I didn't get help along the way. Mostly in the way of encouragement. So allow me to be your encouragement. Allow me to tell you that you are so much more than you think you are. That you MATTER. That you are NEEDED in this world. That you BELONG in this world. Even when it doesn't feel like it.

Explore healthy things that interest you. Things that you're good at. Maybe it's sports. Maybe it's something more creative. But whatever it is, nurture it. In this way you can begin to re-build your self-esteem. Your past doesn't have to define you. What defines you is your character, your integrity, and what you decide your purpose will be. Always remember that.

Three strikes you're out is applicable to baseball and criminals in some places. It does not have a place in your life.

I send you love, light and healing energy, Sara. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

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