Targeted Child Abuse

by Anonymous4mysiblingsSake
(USA)

I was the middle child of four children. Both my parents were present in the home. I had an older brother, an older sister, and a younger sister. All of us were abused emotionally and sexually. I don't think my younger sister was abused physically. I had been the target of my mother's rage. Before that was my older sister. Occasionally my brother would get beaten severely, but it was rare.


Although my older sister had gotten some severe beatings, I was the only one that had gotten beaten to bloodshed, a stabbing, and stitches. My mother would hug and kiss all of the other children, but not me. She told me I had "dog germs".

Every morning before my younger sister and I left for school, my mother would call us into her bedroom. She would give my sister a hug and kiss every morning but ignore me. I always had to come in anyway. One morning, I had protested and asked why she wanted me there if she didn't even acknowledge me. She told me it was because if I was found dead she would know what I was wearing and could identify my body. Lovely woman that she was.

My father was a wonderful gentleman who felt he had a God-given right to sleep with all of his children. I can't say anything about what my siblings dealt with, but he would use one specific threat on me. He had told me if I told anyone he would be sent to jail and would be unable to protect me from my mother's abuse. At the tender age of 8, I thought he was my hero. The more it happened, the more nervous I got and asked him not to do it. I told him I was afraid he would go to jail and I would be left with my mother and she would beat me more because he was gone and it would be my fault. He did not like my reasoning and then used guilt. When that didn't work, he would provoke my mother's rage against me the next day and make my life a living Hell. I was very much alone.

My parents encouraged all of us to hate each other. They would often target me as the cause of a group punishment. To this day, I am close to 40, my siblings and I have a strained relationship and I am seen as a trouble maker.

Later on when I was 20ish, I asked my mother why she felt the need to beat me so badly. She told me that I reminded her of herself and she wanted to "break" me.

If you look at the dynamics of it all, there were many causes of targeting a child. Not to mention I was a picky eater and terribly honest, which was not a good way to be in an abusive household.

I should mention, not only was my father sexually abusing us but my mother was as well. I was not sexually abused much by my mother but from what I understand my younger sister was the most. My brother and older sister had seen some awful stuff as well. I was very young when it happened to me, so I don't remember much.

On a wonderful note, I am a mother now. I have ended the cycle. It has been a tough struggle not to behave the way my parents did, but I do believe it is very much worth the effort.

Darlene's comments to this Child Abuse Commentary "Targeted Child Abuse" are at the link below.

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Comments for Targeted Child Abuse

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Apr 11, 2008
The "targeting" phenomenon...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

First off, let me say that I'm delighted to hear you broke the cycle of abuse. Your mother and father's legacy did not live on in your children. I congratulate you for that remarkable achievement. You have much to be proud of.

I'm not at all surprised to hear that your siblings continue to fall into the roles they adopted as children. I hope that you do not continue to see yourself as they and your twisted, malicious mother did.

Your mother and mine were similar, but for seemingly different reasons. Your mother said you reminded her of herself; what does that tell you about her ability to reason? My mother didn't like that I reminded her of my father. She was also was viciously jealous of the affections my father showed me; perhaps there was that element involved in your mother's perverse way of thinking too.

You might be interested to know that I replied to another contributor's question on the issue of "targeting" a couple of months ago: Why only me for child abuse? My reply titled Why only me? dated Jan 06, 2008 can be found at the bottom of that submission page. I also wrote an extensive article on the "targeting" phenomenon in my October 2007 issue of Barriere Bit's E-zine, the subscription information of which is detailed in that post. UPDATE: This article can now be found on this site at Why Parents Target a Specific Child for Abuse. Feel free to leave your own comments.

I thank you for sharing your experience on my website.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Apr 19, 2008
Thanks
by: Anonymous4mysiblingsSake

Thank you for your lovely comments. My mother was very jealous of my father's affections (looking back now, she coulda had em.. I didn't want them). Another factor was a was blonde haired, green eyed, and very thin. My mother was morbidly obese. All of my other siblings had weight problems. My biggest problem was keeping weight on (I have overcome that issue now, LOL).

I was told my whole life I look like my father. That is probably why I think I am so ugly.

Yes, ufortunately, I do still listen to their nasty voices in my head telling me how stupid, ugly, and unworthy I am. I am getting close to 40 years old now and am working hard to change that image. It is an uphill battle.

I am now in college going for my psychology degree (wonder of all wonders). So I am trying to break the stupid part. I still believe I am ugly and according to my therapist I still believe I am unworthy. But after all of those years of abuse, it is gonna take some time to undo those words and actions done to me at such a vulnerable age.

Jul 20, 2009
Thank You
by: Anonymous

It's a bit spooky, the similarities of your story compared with mine. They are quite parallel except for the fact that the abuse you endured was far greater, I think. It's healing to see I am not the only one and that I am not insane. I am almost forty years old, and I still don't understand any of what happened in my childhood.

Feb 10, 2015
Avoiding child abuse
by: Anonymous

It's good that you avoided the route your parents took. If you would have taken the route your parents took your children would have ended up in the same situation as you mentally, physically and spiritually. I am glad that God has his hands on your mentality and state of well-being. It may not seem like God was there when these things happen to you but guaranteed that he was there. He was there until you got older enough to have your own children. Now you can be an upcoming blessing to your children and show endearment that your mother or father didn't show to you. Life moves on. I know that you have move on to love and compassion toward your children. I know because you seems like a nice and caring person who didn't even have to share this article but you did.

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