Suspect my toddler is being sexually abused: Don't know what to do?

by Wendy
(Spokane, Washington)

I have a nagging suspicion that my two-and-a-half-year-old may have been, or may be, being sexually abused by her father. We are not together, but he does see her. It's just the way she acts around him sometimes. It's almost like she's uncomfortable around him at times, but at other times she's fine.

Then there was the other day when he was over here. They were in my room playing. He had laid down to take a nap and she went in to see him. The door to my room was open and myself and my older daughter were in the living room (my bedroom is off the living room). It had gotten kind of quiet, so I went to check on them. His back was to me and she was lying on the bed in front of him. When I came in and started talking to her, she looked a little uncomfortable around him. She kept looking from him, to me, then down, almost like she was embarrassed or ashamed. They had been tickling each other before it got quiet. I heard her laughing. I figured things were fine, but felt uneasy, so I went back in the LR then snuck back in a few minutes later. His back was still to the door and she was still in front of him. This time it looked like his hand was up high, by where her diaper was, but when he heard me come in, he moved it down real quick to her knee area. I didn't see where exactly it had been before he moved it. I had suspected him of the same thing a few months ago because I had started letting him take her overnight once in a while, and all of a sudden she started to touch herself more when she was at home. I heard toddlers go through that stage, but I still took her to see the doctor. The doctor said she was fine and that her hymen was still intact, but still, I had my suspicions.

I know he is obsessed with pornography and sex. He's a serial cheater and tends to get girls drunk to have his way with them (I'm speaking from experience). He is also very manipulative and a liar.



I am a survivor of sexual abuse and can't help but think that maybe I'm just over exaggerating things. I hope and pray this has not happened to her, because it would destroy me if it has. I've been so careful to keep my girls safe. I don't bring strangers or men around them, and only leave them with people I know. I also know he keeps trying to get me to get back with him, but I'm not interested and it angers him. He never wanted Mia in the first place, and I'm just worried that he might take his anger and frustration out on her.

What do you suggest I do? I don't want to accuse an honest man of horrible things if they are not true, I just do not know what to think.

Thank you
Wendy

Reply from Darlene – Part 1: Wendy, you are a loving, nurturing and caring mother—I can see that—a loving mother with suspicions based in part on having been sexually abused herself as a child. I'm so very sorry you endured sexual abuse. You didn't deserve it; and now you want to prevent your daughters from suffering the same fate. I can certainly understand your fears and concerns.

Signs are everywhere; and though it is important to keep your daughters safe from harm and predators (by the way, most of whom are known to the child), it is also very easy to misinterpret those "signs." Signs must be taken in combination and in context, both for the sake of your daughter(s), and for the sake of a possibly innocent father.

Remainder of my answer to this Ask Darlene question "Suspect my toddler is being sexually abused: Don't know what to do?" can be found at Comments below this submission. Depending on system activity, there are sometimes delays in comments going live on my site; but rest assured, they do eventually appear. So if you don't yet see them, I hope you will return later to read what I, and possibly others, have written. I thank you for your patience and understanding.

Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited, and could result in being banned from making further comments on this site.

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Jun 27, 2008
Part 2: A difficult situation...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Whether or not Mia's father is sexually abusing her, I cannot say, Wendy. It is possible, but it is also very possible that what you saw was perfectly innocent: A father having a nap with his little girl next to him.

An obsession with porn and sex does not make him a child molester, and neither does his "serial" cheating. You said that he "tends to get girls drunk to have his way with them." By girls, if you mean adolescent girls, then this IS a grave concern. But even if he IS molesting adolescent girls—and I am NOT condoning or minimizing such inexcusable behaviour; it's illegal and he should be made accountable for that if he is engaging in such activity—it does not mean he is also molesting your baby girl.

You described Mia's response when you spoke to her in the bedroom as "almost like she was embarrassed or ashamed." Children this age respond in such a way when they believe they have disappointed the people they care about. You said, "When I came in and started talking to her, she looked a little uncomfortable around him." Your daughter would have read your body language and tone of voice. If you asked her what she was doing there, that would have alerted her to something being wrong; and she would have automatically blamed herself for that. It is far more likely that her response was based on knowing there is conflict between you and her father, and that her show of affection toward "Daddy," or whatever she was doing at the moment with Daddy, in some way upset "Mommy." A 2-and-a-half-year-old is not capable of embarrassment or shame of a sexual act, because a child that age does not yet possess the cognitive ability to understand what has truly happened to them.

Toddler's do "touch" themselves, as you pointed out. Children learn that it feels good to touch themselves "down there." Very small children do not have the language to articulate when something is bothering them. When they are upset or conflicted they often resort to what is sometimes referred to as "comforting behaviour," where they touch, play or rub themselves in order to feel better. While this comforting behaviour does warrant addressing the underlying cause, it does not necessarily point toward sexual abuse.

Having said all this, a mother's intuition cannot be ignored. Stay vigilant. Keep a watchful eye on this man and on your daughters. If you really don't trust this man, don't put your daughters in a position that puts them at risk. If you believe Mia's father is molesting her, you have an obligation to report it. And if he is molesting her, you will do what you must in order to further protect her. You are a lot stronger than you think, Wendy.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Jun 27, 2008
Part 3: Two URLs on this site to check out...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Wendy, although the questions at the following 2 URLs on this site delved further into the situation of suspected sexual abuse of a child, you may find some of the information I've provided in my answers to be helpful. Not because I believe your daughter is being molested by her father, (I cannot say whether or not she is) but because of the nature of children (which I've addressed) and because you may be able to relate to the two women who wrote to me: If you haven't already done so, Wendy, I suggest you seek out some form of counselling in order to help you deal with what happened to you as a child. A professional may also be able to help you to further protect and empower you daughters.

I wish you, Mia, and your eldest daughter all the best.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Nov 11, 2008
Cause for great concern
by: Anonymous

Wendy, I certainly have a different perspective than your second response. You should always approach a matter such as this with caution and discernment, but protect your children the best you can. The sexually abused very often can be sexual abusers. I have personally known too many people with sexual abuse in their past to adopt that behavior and harm their own, or other children.

Look up what you can find on antisocial personality disorder as pertains to the child's father. I would let out a big sigh of relief if it didn't match him.

Dec 20, 2008
is there any way i can tell?
by: Anonymous

i have to work really early in the morning so i go to sleep early. my fiance comes home late to take the baby watching shift for 4 hour while i work. i was sleeping one day but i was half awake, he was changing his diaper and he said he took a really large poop, he wiped his butt and put the baby wipe in the diaper and i saw him jiggle his hand really hard in my sons buttocks area. hard enough for him to almost cry out. i cant really rember if him diaper was on or off. but i have had issues with his butt bleeding before, at the same time my son has always had hard poops. sometimes he would strain to move his bowels. my son is 13 month old, lately he wont sleep in his own bed, he wakes up more than 2 to 3 times a night, this is unusual cause the routine have not changed any.
please help me i dont want to point the finger at an inoccent man but i do have my suspetions.

From Darlene: My already in-depth answer applies here, Anonymous. If you suspect something untoward, then you need to deal with that by reporting your suspicions. Take your son to see your pediatrician to determine if he's suffering from constipation related anal injuries or something more. A doctor will be able to help you with any medical concerns your son may be dealing with.

Anonymous, while I understand your desperation, regarding the well-being of your baby boy, please be respectful of the fact that I have suspended the Ask Darlene feature of this site.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Jan 16, 2009
You as a mom
by: Chantal

If you so much as think something is wrong, put your self in there. Don't alow the overnight visets. Watch him with her, don't let him be alone with her at any time. You are the only one to protect her. I am a mother of 2 girls and a victim of child sexual abuse myself. Don't let any opertunity arise. All it takes is one time and your child is scared for life. Put your foot down. Thats your little girl.

Jan 19, 2009
A Mothers Intuition
by: Anonymous

First off sorry to hear about your sexual abuse. If you think something is wrong follow your intuition. I myself have a 21 month old. Me and her father is separated so she also has the overnight visits. I dont trust anyone I dont care who it is. I check for every little thing. Now that she can talk we call her vagina "cucu". I ask her did anybody touch your "cucu"? I ask her questions. Question your baby girl, ask her what happened. Anybody touch you? ... A girl is precious and should not have her innocence taken from her.

Feb 18, 2009
Don't know what to do??
by: Anonymous

I have a 2 year old nephew who does not like to go to his Grandmothers house.(Fathers grand-mom) since the age of one,he has always bust out crying because he does not want to be there. We always woundered why? just recently he was home with his mother and started to cry out of no where hystericaly and screaming. He did't want his mother to bath or touch him.The next day he freaked out and started crying because he did not want his diaper changed. I wounder is this a sign of being sexually Abused? As of today I'am watching him more and i'm trying my best to keep him away from being babysat by his Fathers grandmother and grandfather. My sister works a long day and is trying her hardest to put him in a daycare. But for right now I watch him. Can you help me out and maybe give me some answers!!

Mar 20, 2009
My 4 year old told me she had been molested by her father
by: Anonymous

Thursday her father watched her while I went to class and work. Today, she told me that her father had taken up to the bedroom and asked her to touch him and she showed me how she cupped her hands over his "peanut." She said that he made her take her clothes off and he took of his clothes. She knows about boy and girl parts but her teacher calls it a peanut. She came to me and told me about what had happened. She told me that it was gross and that she thought I would be mad at her or not believe her if she told me when I asked her why she didn't say anything sooner. He doesn't live with us and we are not together but we are good friends. at first I wasn't sure what to think, because she has told stories of a boy at school that showed her his penis and rubbed it like that and said it was gross. That was handled at school and we talked to the school counselor, teachers, and principals. I think it was innocent. He didn't ask her to touch him, though. She seems fine still around him. I mean she has talked to him on the phone since then. She hasn't seemed behaviorally different since she told me and I told her that she didn't do anything wrong and that I wasn't upset with her. I told her that I would handle it and not to worry about it. I thought about taking her to a councilor, but if its not true I would hate to accuse him of anything. But on the other hand, if it is happening, I think he needs to get help and she shouldn't be around him. I haven't spoken to him yet. I don't even know how to go about it. i just know that I don't want her to be around when I talk to him. Her descriptions about what had happened and everything. I asked her to explain it again to me and her story didn't change even a little. What should I do and how should I approach him. She is almost 5. She knows how to articulate her feelings and describe events, but I just don't know if she is confusing occurrences or if something actually happened.

Jul 28, 2009
same situation
by: Anonymous

I suspect my daughter father molested her! But it's confusing because when I picked her up she seemed normal??? Happy and fine? but when I tried taking her cloths off, to get ready for bed she didn't want me to touch her and she looked scared. That was odd? But I brushed it off eventouth I had my susoecions. Well I go to change her diaper, and she clinches her legs together for dear life, she never ever done that before. I know my daughter I know something is wrong just don't know what??? However I did call the nurse, and she said to take her to the hospital! So I did, and apperently when you suspect child abuse the police gets involved, that I did not know... So today I'm struggling because I don't know if I did the right thing turnning him in if he is innocent. But at the same time I know my child and her father nor I can come up with a reasonable explination why she freaked out like that. And he has a history of using maajuana, alchol, exploiting an adult women over the internet, and he is also a pronography viewer. And when I brought her to ER my goal was to have her looked over by a doctor or a trained professional, and i guess the part I feel bad about is talking with the officer, because I don't know what her father and his family will now do to me and she, and I know there all going to hate me... but what else could I have done? But the kick off is she seems to be fine again today what does that mean???

Aug 25, 2009
Please dont be affraid to confront them!!!!
by: Anonymous

Come on ladies, This is a hard thing to deal with but by ignoring it, and waiting for the event to fade is hurting your child.

If it is obvious, which is some cases it sounds like it is, then please confront the fathers -- or call child services. Do not give them another opportunity to do this as it may permanently harm your child. Any father who would do this has to be stopped, and should be punished. It is wrong. and if you are in doubt that it happened, talk to them and alot of times you can tell my there reaction if it is true. Why would your child make a detailed story up, would they have any idea of such an expereience unless it happened OR unless they have been exposed to it through experience or movies etc?

Please please think over what your child is telling you, if you are not sure, then never leave them alone with that person.

I hope you find your way. I hope you child does not have to go through this again.

silvia

( a loving mother of a toddler girl )

Sep 29, 2009
3 year old little girl.
by: Babysitter

I have been babysitting this sweet, adorable, and very precious little girl (I will call her Mary) I have only babysitted Mary for 3 months now and she has spent the night about 6 times. Her parents are getting a divorce and her dad has temp. custody until the divorce is final. Both of her parents have a history of drug use. I agree to babysit her because I lost my job due to the economy and needed the extra cash.

First- her father (I will call him Sam) told me she ONLY slept in her panies and she liked it. I brought her some sleep wear because I have a son in the house. She loved her sleeping clothes and did just fine wearing them.

Second- Sam and Mary sleep together, take baths and showers together.

Third- He still picks her up and totes her everywhere. He hardly ever makes her walk.

Fourth- Mary loves him so much she will cry and cry for about 5 minutes after he drops her off saying daddy, daddy, etc.. Even though I have babysitted her for 3 months now.

Fifth- After knowing and witnessing all this behavior. She told me a week ago her daddy pulled her panies down and hurt her private area. I asked her how many times has this happened and she said just one time. She didn't cry when she told me this and she still treats Sam the say why she always has.

Sixth- Mary told me today that her friend Joe touched her privates but it didn't hurt. I asked her if Joe was daddy's friend or mom's friend. She said daddy's friend.

Seventh- Mary also lies a lot about a lot and I am not sure if she is wanting attention or is this stuff really going on.

I don't want to ruin anyones reputation for something that may be made up. She has no problems going to the bathroom and she doesn't complain about hurting down there at all. After hearing this information I starting looking when I gave her a bath. I notice it was red around the birth hole and the back hole BUT not bruised or damaged looking.

Someone please give me some good advice!!!

I can not take her to the doctor I am only the babysitter AND I don't want to ruin Sam's life if its not going on. But I don't want Mary getting hurt if it is going on.

My sister (she's an RN) said she could exam her BUT she lives almost 4 hours away and she could only get here on the weekends. I never babysit Mary on the weekends.

Oct 20, 2009
Act Fast
by: Anonymous

Come on ladies, if you have to ask it - given the details that you've provided, then it's definitely true. I trust NO man. If you have a bad feeling, then you're right. Pay attention and listen to the children. If I suspected for a split second that my daughter's father and or any family or friends has hurt my child in any way, they would never see him/her again. Those are not the kind of chances you take with your child. And don't allow them to spend the night NOWHERE. These days, it seems that every other person almost is a pervert. Men and women.

Oct 21, 2009
questioning
by: Anonymous

Is it possible that a man might pretend to enjoy giving his nieces and nephews diaper changes as part of some "affection for diaper changing or fond memory making or whatever, I don't really get it)" but actually be using this "tradition" as an opportunity to molest them?

He's an OCD, bi-polar, self-medicating Alcoholic, perpetrator of emotional incest, emotional abuse, and can possibly become violent. He treats older children like they're his adult drinking buddies and delights in the "special relationship" he always has with the babies in the family.

Am I just paranoid? I think he may have abused me too. How would babies or toddlers cope with sexual abuse? They wouldn't be able to remember it at such a young age, would they?

Next time he volunteers to uphold his diaper tradition I will definitely plan to observe or "accidentally" interrupt.

Nov 13, 2009
mothers can abuse also!
by: Anonymous

I read some of the comments above,and belive me mommies can try and put off what they are doing to their children mentally & sexually and let other people in their family.Then blame it on the father or his family.I know a family that had to seek justice from the mother lying.
The truth Will Always prevail

Jan 07, 2010
november's comment to this story
by: november

check your daughter very closly and like dont just straight up ask her but watch her and when you see her playin with her cuchi ask her why. be like why do you do that? Ask her dad and watch his face like be like have you ever played with our baby girls cuchi. then watch his face to see what he says
im sorry to hear this but girl you gotta take some action
this story pisses my off
but girl im sorry
~November
(yes this is my real name)

Feb 02, 2010
when you can't prove the abuse
by: Anonymous

Have any of you already taken the step of reporting suspected child abuse to either Child Protective Services, Social Services, the police, the child's pediatrician, your lawyer, -- went through the drama when you do that and end up with the court ordering joint custody of the child because you didn't have enough evidence? What if you saw it happen, but your word against his wasn't good enough? The doctor's examinations show no evidence of trauma or penetration? Was it the kind of abuse that did not physically harm the child but still inappropriate touching? C'mon, we all know that regardless of what form it is, is still sexual abuse. Showing porn to your child or fondling genitalia, like you would your own sex partner, is sexual abuse. Sadly it happens, and unless you don't have the act witnessed by someone other than yourself, or recorded by way of covert surveillance, you've got nothing that will keep your child within a safe distance from his/her abuser, especially if the abuser is one of the parents. Can you imagine something like that happening to your baby who can't verbalize what is happening, and you can't do anything about it because the social workers, doctors and lawyers can't do anything about it without EVIDENCE.

Sexual abuse is difficult to prove on kids. The abuser knows how to elude and will know how to stay steps ahead from being caught. You must be light years ahead of him. If you suspect it you have to catch him in the act in front of witnesses. If you tip him off, it will make catching him in the act hard. If you don't have witnesses then your only witness may be covert audio video surveillance. If you confront him right there WITHOUT evidence in your hand and you have a hard time speaking for yourself for whatever reason, you might give him the opportunity to cry foul on you, defamation, false allegations and he might even go to court and take your child from you, and then what -- baby goes right into the hands of her or his abuser. Continuous faith and persistence does pay off. If you're worried that your child will be taken away from you because you don't have the proof you need, do not think for a second about sweeping this under the rug and that it might go away. Molestation does not stop or get cured through rehabilitation. You MUST report to Child Protective Services, to your pediatrician, and to the police, for your child's sake. Go through all of the motions so that the history of it is documented. If it happens again several years later, and this time you are able to prove it, then the paper trail that you started previously will not be in vain. DOCUMENT for your child's safety and well-being. It's the RIGHT thing to do, regardless of what all of the naysayers say to you. Please do not be afraid to report your suspicions. By not reporting, you are doing a disservice to yourself as a parent and to your child; It is his or her opportunity to be heard, through YOU.

Feb 16, 2010
3 year old said something
by: charlie

Today on 2-16-10 my 3 year old boy said that his cousin touched him on his butt. When I picked him up at the cousins house he was crying and the cousin said he was just checking his diper if it needed to be changed. So I took my son into another room and asked him if his cousin hurt him. At first he didn't say anything, but when we got home I was preparing food and my son said his butt hurts. He did not want to eat and he fell asleep on the couch. I don't know what to do. A couple of months ago he was left alone with cousin and he was also crying when I came to pick him up. The cousin also has a 4 year old brother and sister. When the cousin would change their diper they would scream. The parents don't pay attention to stuff like this, like I do. I was molested when I was a kid and I will fight if my kids get hurt in anyway. Please tell me what to do or and what signs to watch out for.

Mar 06, 2010
Safeguarding your child from a porn addicted father
by: Anonymous

Hello, I am going to give you an Islamic answer
to your question and hope it might help. If indeed the father is as you describe then your worries can very well be justified. However, your own experience of abuse might also have added somewhat to your worries which of course is
perfectly natural. Having said that since you want to act rational and you do not want to disregard your emotions( which you should not, since often they provide hunches into the real problems!)under the circumstances I think you should try to see if you can get some evidence to
further justify your worries. A surveillance video would be a good idea, also watching to see if your child has any nigthmare which she did not
have before, with no history of such before
staying with her dad. The holy Quran tells us that God asked mankinds' common parents Adam and
Eve not to even get near the forbidden tree, let
alone eat from its' fruit; so coming near pornography and other sexually illicit stimulants
and drinking and such obviousely brings one near
an atmosphere of pollutants and motivators of wrong-doing and ugliness. So I think you have a
perfect right to be worried, you must pay careful
attention and try to get further evidence of anything that might be happening. I pray that you are wrong and no such thing is taking place
nevertheless caution must rule and prevention must be relied on. I hope that your daughter will be well protected and safe and grows up to be all that she can be in God's holy plan. Good
luck and God bless.

Mar 17, 2010
i uderstand
by: mandy

i have a freind that i think is going threw the same thing one day she asked me if it was normal for her 2yr old daughter to fight her when she trys to change her diaper and i have 2 girls and they never acted like that when i change them he boyfriend the childs father seems very much like your ex he is the exact same way except he was happy to have a baby girl i never trusted him around my girls i always had abad feeling about him also one time they went to visit his mother and the baby had some discharge and my friend was wondering why it was happeing and his mother told her that mabye her son or uncle was molesting the baby if that isent a sign that somthing is wronge i dont know what is my friend took her daughter to the er and the told her was a yeast infection but i feel like it was a clear sign somthing is wronge but i think she is afaid of the truth but iam afaid for the child it would mess her whole life up i just dont know if i should interveen i want to talk to her but dont want upset her to the point she doesnt want to be my friend anymore

Mar 22, 2010
Hey..
by: Anonymous

I do think you should still be very careful even if that's her father, because there has been a lot of cases that I know of kid's own parents sexually abusing their kids... I think you should sit her down and ask her if anyone has touched her private parts, and keep her aware of how to take care of herself when it comes to other people not caring their age. Kids need to be aware! I hope and pray that he has not touched her, may the blood of Jesus cover her and protect her from any harm. God Bless you! ♥

Apr 09, 2010
Backs against the wall
by: Anonymous

I lost custody of my 2 year old baby girl over a year ago to her dad. I was out there cleaning for him a while ago and found a used condom under her crib. I just figured at the time she must have pulled it out of the garbage in his room. But recently when I see her she gets violently angry with me especially when I try to change her diaper. She slaps and spits at me. She has started having alot of temper tantrums and I dont know if its just the terrible 2s or what. She never used to act this way. Dont know what to do cause as usual he has control. Hes already ruined my life and I cant bear the thought of him doing the same to her.

Apr 12, 2010
That sick gut instinct feeling you get....
by: Anonymous

As a mother, I am experiencing that sick gut instinct thats telling me something is not right. My ex has only been seeing his daughter at supervised access visits for the past two months and in that time I have noticed a major difference in my daughters behaviour, she is 17 months old. She has started putting her hand over her privates when I change her, she screams when I try to change her, even trying to take her clothes off is a constant battle. She used to let me wipe her top to bottom when I changed her, but now she clenches her legs shut and its so hard to change her, its almost like she is predicting pain. I noticed a scatch on her outer part of her privates after a visit once but didnt think anything of it, maybe she had touched herself and scratched herself. Then I have noticed that area to be redder than normal after visits. There are things running through my mind and Im not sure what to do. After reading all these stories, I am convinced her behaviour is not "normal" and I am going to have her seen by our doctor. I hope and pray that he hasn't done anything of the sort to her, but if he has, so help him god.

May 12, 2010
I think my 3 year old might have been sexually abused.
by: Anonymous

I'm really not sure its just my inkling that my daughter has been sexually abused.
Well my daughter is hearing imapaired an has a hard time talking. I was downstairs watching tv men an my husband, when he deicided to upstairs to see what was going on. Well he was up there for like 5 to 10 minutes when I called out to him.
He didn't answer at first. I called him again. An then he answerd. Well I went up there to see what was going on. An as I was going up he was coming down. I went to check up on our daughter when she told me she was having issues with her privates. So I checked to see what happened to her an discoverd that it was wet down there. It was also red. when I asked her who did it she said daddy.
He was up there with her for just a bit. Could he had touched her an rubbed her raw that fast? I'm caught up I don't know what to do. What do you think? He said he didnt do an maybe she had some kind of infection. But why would she say it was daddy?

May 30, 2010
WENDY
by: Anonymous

I WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOUR ANSWER TO WENDY IS BECAUSE IT IS EXSACKLY THE SAME THING IVE BEEN THINKING I MEAN IT SOUNDS LIKE WROTE IT. I MEAN ALMOST WORD FOR WORD I FILL SICK ABOUT YOUR ANSWER. BUT OH MY GOD I NEED TO KNOW. only its my new husband, i just need to no if im being parinoiyed please tell me what you told thank you so much

Jun 07, 2010
Be Careful!
by: Anonymous

I can't believe people are telling this lady that she should take the chance of thinking she is wrong.
Mothers have a gut instinct. Women also have s strong gut instinct about the man they are with. If you have those feelings, you should NOT take the chance of ignoring those signs you saw in this kid of a situation. To me it definitley sounds like a strange situation, the way he moved his hand so fast. It can be easy for you to ignore this and move on because you don't want to believe he would do that to your daughter, but she has no voice or understanding of what is going on. You need to be very careful. You don't have evidence to accuse him and make a huge deal about it. But you should keep an eye on him and your daughter. Don't get back together with him and don't leave her alone eith him.
Females that were molested as a child are very likely to have relationships with the same type of men as adults!

Jun 25, 2010
Experience
by: KidsrAngels

I have a daughter who is 4 right now, in therapy and getting her life back. Do you know how she is getting her life back? I reported specific behaviors & comments she made about alleged abuse.
Sure its a long road, its not easy, your head spins,sleepless nights, endless interviews ans sessions life seems unstable for soooo long.
The other side of the family really believes I made it all up, her father and I are not on speaking terms, and may never ever be after this is said and done. I dont care though, they need to quit being selfish. And I question now, what would they have done? Sat and laughed at her comments? Tell her shes lying at 3? Or worse INGORE it?? SO I dont question my decision ever!

Would I go back and do it all over? YOU ARE DAMN RIGHT! She said those things I reported, even more came out over the past year and 1/2, there is no confession no one is in jail, and of course I am on the edge going what the heck is going on? Its just not possible she has any knowledge of these things she speaks out about!(graphic)
However the law is the law with NO evidence, there is no case, thought there is more unfolding almost 2 yrs later here. Take alot of patience.
But the positive things are these:
1)Therapy is helping her learn right vs wrong in these scenerios. As well as boundaries, what to do if it happens again etc.
2)The person/s responsible for her knowing/experiencing this crap KNOWS THEY ARE WATCHING!!! Possibly putting a stop to it.
(please read #2 again?)
3)It's documented, so should something else arise, there's a conclusion.
I dont care who thinks I am lying, I know what SHE said and I delt with the tears,tantrums,fears,hurting herself & hearing these horrible things. And I believe in my daughter. Period.
Theres no doubt in my mind SOMETHING occurred, to what extent is the mystery. But I did the best I could with what was available. THATS what parents and caretakers are supposed to do. When you have kids its not about YOU anymore its all about the children.
The rollercoaster (still involved in it) is no joy ride, but the pros out live the cons by far.
I give props to the officials that are handling this case with passion, care & professionalism. Because they are trying their best to figure it out with us.
SO MY ANSWER TO ALL OF THE ABOVE:
REPORT IT IF IT FEELS WRONG! PUT A STOP TO IT!
Because kids cant speak up until its too late. Death? Depression? Turning into those monsters? Not knowing what a real loving hand feels like?
WHO WANTS TO LIVE IN THAT!?
Plus if it ever does get reported and you had ANY knowledge of this, you will get arrested for not reporting such behaviors. Or even worse, you may get blamed!

Hugs of warmth for all the survivors and future survivors of this SICK dark CRIME!




Jul 09, 2010
When abuser is the non-custodial parent
by: Anonymous

When the abuser is the non-custodial parent, and you have gone through all of the motions to try to prove the abuse happened, but lost in court, do not despair nor throw in the towel. Your voice is the only voice your toddler has. You have to be strong for your child. The courts go by the book and in the United States, the accused remain innocent until proven guilty. Therefore, you, as the accuser, are burdened with the huge task of proving the crime.

So what do you do if you're in the same boat? Remain silent for fear of losing custody of your own child because you know that the evidence is not enough to prove anything? NO. Silence will only give the abuser a continued license to keep doing what he is doing, whenever he feels like it, leaving your child to remain his helpless victim.

There are resources out here that exist to address your extremely legal complication. Do your research carefully, wisely and quickly. Find out who your local sexual abuse experts are. Some are even free of charge.

Do not ever give up doing all that is necessary to protect your child, even while the roads stay rough for a while. Expect the other parent to stay angry at you because you exposed him, despite the court's decision. You did the right thing. He wants to keep doing what he is doing without your interference, and definitely does not want to be held responsible for the abuse he caused. So, yes, you've got a problem on your hands. Expect that he is probably going to keep doing whatever it takes him to continue to set you up to look like the bad person in order to mask the truth about him. The truth eventually comes out. Do not ignore any signs of abuse whatsoever, document them and continue to check your child, all over, and listen to your child carefully, and tell someone about it. Report it.

Aug 10, 2010
GOING CRAZY THINKING ABOUT THIS~
by: Anonymous

I have two daughers, they just started back on seeing my mother after a month due to the fact she disobeyed me by leaving them alone with my step father whom ive had a experience with him as a child. Lately in the past two weeks my two girls have been playing with themselves with their hands and with objects, and one of them will not even let me near her vaginal area to wash, she hides it. I was a victim as a child and do not trust very easily. what should I look out for, is this normal with 4 year olds? please let me know, is it normal for that age to play with themselves?what are the signs I should look out for?I ask them where they learnt that and they look at me in fear and say noone....im loosing my mind....HELP!

Aug 14, 2010
To anonymous Aug 10, 2010 dated
by: Angels4kids

In my experience, yes some of that is normal for little girl or boys to experiment or explore. BUT you also have to remember when they see fear in you with questions and comments they will respond in fear. That's only part of it though. The other part is there is a fine line between coaching and keeping your kids safe with teaching them right.
If you have experienced this by the same man and you are leaving them in the home with the offender, maybe it is a good idea not to take them back, especially if you trust no one to care for them properly and safely.Leaving them with a known abuser leaves you responsible for what occured because you are supposed to keep them safe. Thats the eyes of the law. No offense just helping you be aware!!
There are some great books on leading your kids to the direction of prevention. Let them know "good touches" vs "bad touches" good secrets vs bad secrets etc.Give them an action plan. Its something all of us as parents should let our children aware of just like math, poison & behaving well.
Please becareful when using comments or questions like "where did you learn that" thats direct to its bad or something is wrong in a shady situation, my opinion is to try something like this "maybe you should do that in private and not in front of people" at first, to promote the better behavior of it.Eventually it will be told to you if the child trusts you. Showing fear or anger when approaching children in these situations sometimes causes them to show the same in return. If you suspect something is wrong, maybe you should speak to someone professional.There are books and stories built to help these things come out without directly blaming or feeling as if you have to coach it out of them. Its a safer approach to be honest.

google ways to help your child understand sexual abuse there are so many resources, hotlines etc to assist you.

Seek help seriously if you feel your children are in danger!!!! I am just suggesting things here, not trying to diagnose or cure anything you may be going through. I have been through this myself with a small child, so I found these things helpful.
I wish your children luck and you as well in healing should you find this stuff to be true.

Hope I helped in someway!

Sep 19, 2010
Trust your instincts
by: Anonymous

I say trust your instincts, don't let him know you are suspicious (as hard as that may be)and get physical evidence. You need that physical evidence especially if it has happened to you before, as that is what they will play on. Set up a spy video camera in your room or where he plays with her, do it immediately for everyone's sake. Hard physical evidence is the only way you will keep her safe from him.

Dec 17, 2010
Help me please, I can't stand not knowing what to do
by: Ali

My situations is almost the same. My 3 year old little girl used to be so happy and cheerful. Her father and I separated because he was constantly cheating and was abusive. The last couple weeks, my little girl has been touching herself alot, which from my understanding is normal. I've just shrugged it off and figured it was a stage she was going through. However, these last couple of weeks she has aked me if I want to play the "tata" game. (Tata is what we call her private area). I shrugged that off as well for the last couple weeks thinking it was another part of what she is going through with being three and saying silly things.

When I tucked her in to bed tonight, she asked me again of I wanted to play the tata game as she touched herself. It gave me a very wrong feeling and I asked her what the tata game was. She told me it's when you put the finger in the tata. I asked her who she had played the tata game with and if anyone had put their finger in her tata. She said "daddy and uncle c-- did". (uncle c-- is her dad's brother), who she is terrified to be around. I got the sickest feeling in my stomach and wanted to burst in to tears. To me, this was no game at all. As a child, I was sexually abused as well and it messes up your head and effects the rest of your life. It's something you can never let go of, never forget, and I can not let this happen to her. At the same time if it isn't, and I have no evidence, like someone above said, what if the police get involved. I know her father, his rage, how angry he can get, how violent he can be. I'm terrified to even take her to get checked out by a doctor if the police get involved. I know i'll have no evidence, and if joint custody is granted, she'll have me half the time and the other half she'll have a father who is violent, emotionally and possibly sexually abusive, who drinks a half bottle of vodka everyday and refuses to pay child support. Someone who will do nothing but be a negative influence on her. And if he knows I accused him or his brother, he will come after me.. What do I do?

Mar 09, 2011
2 year old boy
by: Louisiana mom

I am thinking this is normal or maybe it's normal.. then I get scared.. his sitter is over 50, single and had a grand daughter "same age" that she watches..
Red flags went off about other things so I started looking, then he started humping teadybear and me .. I am sad and scared and mad
but I can't image "her" doing this, so I go back to thinking, maybe this is normal

Apr 17, 2011
My 4 yr old lil girl
by: Anonymous

Abiut a month ago and two days ago my daughter who is 4 told me that her father had took her a bath had her laying on a towel & scratched her privates with his "LINGI"what we call a boys privates We also have a 9yr old son so she knows the difference in private parts and I also was a victim of sexual abuse as was my kids father. My daughter and son were going every other weekend to their fathers and my daughter also has said her daddy poked her well she was sleeping. Anytime my daughter has told me something I have told her father who told me he would never hurt our kids. I believe my daughtet so I told him our kids would never be spending the night with him
or be alone when he wants to see them. I can not prove he did anything but I refuse to let her keep being abused I also would not let my kids out of my sight or leave with anyone the person I thought who would not do something her daddy has let me down. Do I tell his family what my daughter has said they have lil girls he is sround or do I just protect my kids? Do I keep letting him see our kids with me right there or do I stop? Im so confused & sick this could happen feels like a nightmare.

Jun 27, 2011
God gives us all motherly intuitions!
by: Anonymous

Do not and I repeat do not ignore the warning signs God is giving you. You know what you saw and please don't ignore them! You know what you saw and you're not imagining anything.Your child is more important than anyone else. Protect your child at any cost. She is dependent on you. Her life depends on you being brave against all odds! Pray and the Lord will guide you expose the culprit! I will be praying for you!

Jul 21, 2011
A mothers Instinct
by: Anonymous

My baby girls are 2 years and 4 years and they both I feel is and was being sexually malisted but the doctor says I can't prove it if there little too too's I call it is still intack. By my babys father's father and my baby father when I use to let my 2 year old stay with them while I work. And they would also stay the weekend. my babys started making mouth justers showing the action of oral sex emations. I last cought my baby girl under the cover from the waist down of my father in law and when I called for my daughter she came from under the cover and my father in law stayed very still in shoshock when I told him I was going to call thee police he told me I cant prove it. I know there is a test they give to kids to show there has been sexually touched please tell me the test so i can get it done. And to make it worst the courts gave them custody of my baby girl and now they fighting for adoption please help....

Jul 21, 2011
Follow-up on My 4 year old told me she had been molested by her father
by: Anonymous

I wanted to post this in light of my personal experience, as posted above. I ended up taking my daughter to the doctor to get her checked out, but a report and investigation followed. The school counselor even spoke with us all separately. As well as the little boy that had approached my daughter in the bathroom of her school. The boy and my daughter ended up admitting that they had done more than show each other their private area. The counselor has been working with both of them. The specialist that she was brought to found out that my daughter had a transference of events, between her father and the boy and that she felt that she would be under higher scrutiny at school if she told on her class mates, as she has had a real tough time with bullying and making friends at her new school. She is still working through that,but she is better now. Things have been strange lately with her father and me, but we are working through it. If I hadn't done anything than she may have not understood that what happened to her with the boy shouldn't have. She might have had further emotional problems in the future. But when I confronted him all he wanted to know was why she was saying these things and how she even knew about them. He was very open to the investigation. But trust is hard to build after that so tread respectfully until u know the truth of the situation. Even if your not sure u still have to act in your child's best interest.

Aug 15, 2011
2yr old lil girl n confused
by:

Okay well I have a 2 and a half year old daughter, me and her father broke up about 2yrs ago .. I have never suspected anything! He knows how anal I am about him changing her or even looking while I dress her.. That's how bad I am about men looking at my daughters. Well she doesn't stay often maybe 1 a week .. And thered times when he doesn't like staying with her overnight.. I constantly call when he watches her and assure him he should not be changing her at all!! N at times he gets annoyed because he knows what I'm thinking when I mention it to him.. But this is the confusing part .. My daughter adores her father! I mean that's all she does n talks about! When he comes around she litterally forgets about everything and its all about him! She's constantly wanting to leave with him ..askimg me to dial his number to talk! Always saying she loves him.. And when he's around she doesn't leave his sight! So she just started using undies because she's potty trained and I'm constantly catching her touching herself down there and I ask who touch u there n she saids daddy..if I start saying random names she saids yes they touch her too. Like her sister , my 3yr old nephew, my sisters ..I name all of them n she says yes.. I texted n called him..n said if its true he's not only going to hell but he's going down..he's calm and tells me I'm crazy ..n to go get her checked, that once I'm proven wrong he will sign her over to me because he doesn't need to deal with this.. What should I do?

Aug 24, 2011
To the above woman with the 2 1/2 year old
by: Anonymous

A father should be allowed to change his daughter when she is that young. I changed my son, I help him use the potty, I give him baths. Just because I am of the opposite sex doesn't mean that I'm going to abuse him to objectify him.

I was touched once by my father when I was very young. He also watched soft-core pornography in my presence and made comments about my breasts starting from when I was a very little girl. I completely understand your concern as I don't allow my son to be left alone with my father (no one knows about the abuse but me and my husband). However, you cannot treat all males as guilty of being perverts from the get-go. You are teaching your daughter that she is being sexually abused simply because you assume that he is doing it because he is a male.

Also, you're asking a 2 1/2 year old if she is being touched. When I ask my 3 year old son if he loves my mother's dogs more than he loves me, he just says "yes!" and then repeats my sentence. It doesn't make it true - it means he's repeating. Please, do not teach your daughter to distrust all males and assume they are abusive for if she really is abused, you will never know the truth. Keep your daughter safe, but don't make her paranoid and a victim of things that never happened.

Sep 20, 2011
stress to the limlt
by: Anonymous

My 22 year old stepdaughter just told me her step father was molesting her.She don't no exactly when it was but she said maybe around seven also her sister who is two years older.I am married to her father.Her mom met her step father to be shortly when the children were toddlers,also she has two other younger ones.Her real dad was taken to court for molesting his children,but all long I kept telling them to look into the stepfather but they did nothing.It was throw out of court but we lived two years off hell for what they mother/and stepfather put us through.She does not want me to tell her father but I am going crazy knowing all long I had that idea and no one would listen.The girls were,3and 4 when she met him.....Don't know what to do.

Nov 09, 2011
16 MONTH POSSIBLY BEING ABUSED??
by: Anonymous

Hello
My 16 month old tenses up when I change her diaper and when I wipe her she looks at me with a concerned look as if to say "what are you doing down there". Its kind of scary sometimes and the way that she looks at me makes me feel like i'm doing something wrong. Is she too little to know if she's being touched in a wrong way? is there a way to tell if a baby her age has been abused?

Thanks

Nov 24, 2011
brusing on the bottom
by: Anonymous

I had company the other day and they have a two year old she is almost three, they were in foster care for almost a year and have been back with the parents for almost two months, while the mother was changing the little her the baby was screaming she said she just had a bad diaper rash but I didn't see a rash and she had a bruse on her totie but the mother said it was caused by the diaper rash,later that night she called and said somebody was making fause calls to DHR so they left the state with the kids.DHR gave them custody back a couple of weeks ago but the case is still open and I feel uneasy about the whole thing what shoould I do.Please HELP and in one part it tells some of the side effects and I watched the baby and at almost three years old she was putting her finger down her mouth DHR know all of this but the workers doesn't do anything is there anything we can do

Dec 11, 2011
21 month old daughter in care of the goverment tgo
by: Anonymous

i have been takin g this parenting course to jump the hoops of social services and its 4 days out of 5 and i get my daughter during these classes she is dropped off too me , the first day i had a terrible gut instinct that something was wrong by her dramatic behavior change that wasent like herself , she cried for 2 hours and was expressing to me that she was angry by her body movement yet she wanted me to just hold her, i adressed my concerns with the staff aswell as they seen it, i then didnt want to have her returned to the foster home but i allowed her too taking into mind that it could be because of many things. The nexted day when i had my daughter from the moment i got her my insides where turning because she was even more withdrawn and bashful and not her normal self , aswell as stared off into space and ive never seen her do this ....ontop of that she didnt want me to let her go or go far from her , then when i changed her diaper i noticed and unusual redness and where it was didnt look normal aswell as i know my daughter she didnt look anything like this the day prior too she never had a mark on her,i imediatley showed staff and they phn the caseworker ect. later on that day my daughter tryed to tell me something in her baby words and seemed ashamed and hurt and buried her face into my cheast and just wanted me to hold her wrapped in her blanket, i had 2 witmesses when that happened . Social services went againt health link advice to take her to a hospital and would only allow me to take her to a medicenter and when the male doctor even touched her she was screaming and crying in pain and it didnt look right down there, he said he couldnt see anything to be certain but he would reffer us to the C.a.p in the hospiatal and the caseworker refused to take her with me and went behind with the doctor and came out saying its only a yeast infection and she got a perscription and she was taking my child and returinng her to the foster home.its weird how i showed 5 women my concerns that day and she never once cried out in pain .

Jan 13, 2012
Do Something!
by: Anonymous

Ok so I have to say it... if you suspect that your child is being abused you have an OBLIGATION to act! You cannot afford to take a risk.

My daughter is 1 1/2 and she goes to see her father quite often. She does not like being with him. Shes cries when she goes to him. She acts out when she comes home. She chokes herself with her finger when she comes back from her visits. But the biggest thing is that she has NEVER EVER reached out for him and this is not normal.

So did I keep sending her over there and kept watch? NO I simply put my foot down and decided that if I have a feeling then I can't risk it! Not until shes old enough to talk to me, even then I will be super protective.

This guy has issues. His two uncles are convicted pedifiles, he used to grope me in my sleep when we were together...
I am ashamed and horrified that I was actually with someone like that, but we all make mistakes. Unfortunately I had a baby with the idiot.

I love my daughter and am so thankful for her. I will do ANYTHING I have to to protect her. I don't care what anyone says, if you have the slightest suspiscion, don't ignore it! Whats worse? Being over protective for no reason or carelessly allowing your child to be abused because you didn't want to step on any toes?? Lets be real. When it comes to child abuse, don't mess around. Do what you have to do, whatever that may be. If people are good people they will understand and support you rather then critisize you.

We have a choice, children don't. Choose Action.

Jan 17, 2012
my little girl
by: Anonymous

ok i have a about to be 3 year old daughter. i live with my boyfriend we have been toguether for a year. i work at nights so my dad or my boyfriend watch her. she still hasnt really gotten use to him im guessing because he is really strict with her. when i go to work and leave her with him she cries i dont know if it is because i dont get to spend alot of time with her or is because she is scared of him. but for the last 2 moths she cries when he trys to change her diaper even when my dad or someone else trys to do it. specially when im home and she has a dirty diaper if im bussy i ask him if he can please do it but she starts to cry and say no when he takes her to get her diaper change she crys for me even if im standing next to her it really worries me. she is really sweet with him at times but at times she acts weird like if i tell her go watch tv she wont go she stays by my side until he leaves i have checked her private parts to see if they are red or have any soreness but everything seems fine please help me tell me what you think is going on.

Jan 22, 2012
2 year old
by: Anonymous

how does a 2 year old girl, maybe been fondled with fingers or something, what are the signs?
When she came back from her daddy's I changed her diaper,she was real red and the vaginal area looked swollen.I am very concerned she is my great grandaughter.The dr. said he couldn't tell but i believe you could. the opening was spread apart.
I was molested when i was a child.please get back to me

Feb 02, 2012
3 year old boy
by: Anonymous

i have concern my grandson is suddenly taking off his clothes getting completely naked at night when you turn off the lights..when we bath him he is suddenly aware of his butt and pokes it out to us playing and vary anxious when he's naked ,He fondles on woman breast and he looks very puzzled when we attempt to undress him as if he is wondering something and becomes very playful. he also complains of his butt hurting everyday..he has had problems in the past with spicey food but i notice he passes larger amounts of poop ,alomst three times the amount. he is around a family memember that has molested me as a child and i have been made aware of some reason behavior to other family members..i dont want to over react but i was wondering if this is normal

Feb 03, 2012
poor children
by: Anonymous

If you suspect your child is getting molested you need to call the police right away,why sit around thinking if its true. Let the police investigate,some of you say what if its not true and you don't want to ruin there reputation,it don't matter your kids come first before anybody. You shouldn't even wait a second to call the police believe your kids please. If its true,your kids life will be ruined not the molesters or rapist. So don't think that you will ruin there life,think that they will ruin your kids life. Why go day by day thinking it when something can be done...this is for Charlies comment if he told you that your cousin touched his butt and his butt hurts you need to call the police or took him to the ER on the same day,maybe just maybe they would have found evidence or they could have found skin cells or other DNA in his butt. Please Please don't take him to your cousins house again. It just breaks my heart to hear all this,please parents don't wait. Believe your kids.

Apr 05, 2012
fiancee
by:

I was abuse as a child so i dont trust no man. Lately i really dont trust my fiancee he said he was molested by his cousin and uncle. Well latly my 2 and 1 year old boys have be grabbing themselves. Im concerned cause i had him watching them 3 hours out the day 2 times a week.what should i do. Im also pregnant by him.

Apr 27, 2012
Abused by My father as a child
by: Reanne

This is for all of the mothers with concerns,
when my father began molesting me i was 7 yrs old, he told me that if i told mommy he would go away and never come back and as he had been incarated since before i was born, my mother had an abusive boyfriend while he was gone and i did not want him to go , at the time i did not understand what was happening was wrong and disgusting after my parents split up again about 3 months into the molestation with my mother still unaware, we lost our apartment and my older brother and i had to stay with my father and grand mother, i ended up with our father and brother went to live with grandmother, while mother was looking for a new home for us,when i started school we had a visitor from somewhere i cannot remember who spoke to our 2nd grade class about sexual abuse among other things this is when i realized what was being done to me, and loving my father -and not wanting him to get in trouble i spoke to him and told him it was time to stop,

Apr 27, 2012
CONTINUED
by: Reanne

he said he would if i was a good girl, so a couplke weeks passed with no touching, until he came home from a date one night and his lady friend decided not to stay, he then came into my room and moved me to his bed and molested me again, after this i spent countless days telling my mother my teachers my friends at school and anyone who would listen to me for even a second, this was about 8 or 9 months from the start of it, needless to say my mother confronted my father and of course he denied all of it, not wanting to believe it she assured him if she found out differently he would suffer for it, however he told me he knew i was telling and used molesting as punishment after that, he told everyone that i told that i was a liar and storyteller, and even though he had been accused by teen girls of the same but charges dissmissed due to lack of evidence, nothing was done, it was not until he had molested a girlfriend of mine who was mentally challenged that anyone would listen, (my older brother even tried to help after he witnessed an incident when i was 8yrs old) the grandmotherof my friend didn't want me to see her anymore because of my "stories" and i told her my father had touched her too, for once someone listened and the police were involved, and after months of being in foster care and tested by doctors and found with signs of mild penetration and psychologically evaluated for emotional abuse , and telling my story to a grand jury behind closed doors a case was built against him, he went to court and when he was informed of the charges he pled guilty with no contest and has since then spent the last 20 years in prison for 2 counts of sodomy, i am happy to say however that after years of counseling and group therapy, I am able to function in a normal relationship with my own husband and three children with no problems or concerns, although every now and then the ptsd surfaces and i feel ashamed of sexual contact with my very understanding and loving spouse, i see so many parents struggle to get help when they suspect their child is being molested or abused., my advice to these parents is to seek help at the first sign or suspicion of abuse, any sudden change in your child's behavior or mood is indicative that something is wrong and although abuse is not always the reason, and you may feel embarrassed if its not, it is important to remember that the child's well being and not someone else's reputation is what is important, please be aware that i fall into a very small category of women who are saved and able to live with my story, i still suffer but know that i am strong enough to handle life as it comes, I hope my story can help save another life and possibly give some insight into the mind and emotion of the abused child. my father is due to be released from prison july 23rd of this year.

Nov 18, 2012
what to think
by: Anonymous

my 3 yr old grandson will hump mothers leg and put his head in between her legs. Now he throws a fit not to go to grandmothers house. Grandson has been living with us since birth, mother picks him up occasionally . What is going on? A lot of concern

Dec 27, 2012
scared
by: Anonymous

At the time my son was like 9 months old I took him to the pediatrician be cause he was bright red in his anal area I told my father's son something wasn't right when the Dr looked at him the first words out of her mouth was who has been touching him...... I was shocked she asked who watches him I said his father she asked if I thought he would do that at the time I thought no but then quickly remembered that when my son first came home his father's penis would get hard I didn't think nothing of it but then the Dr said that to me I was scared she didn't report it to no one a couple months later he came back home and was red again I took him to the er and told them that the dads penis gets hard and the pediatrician says it looks like he had been touched the police were called and took us to children's hospital they were gonna do a rape test and they didn't recently I asked the father wouldn't you wanna know who was touching your son he said no I said you dont care he said no I'm in a position where I don't know what to do and authority's are being of no help the father also said if I go to have him checked that he will no longer be in my downs life can somebody help me please

Jun 22, 2013
No matter how inconvenient or uncomfortable it is
by: Anonymous

Trust your child. My attitude (as someone who has been abused and is dealing with the possible abuse of my own child by her grandfather) is that I'd rather never see someone again than worry about their "hurt feelings" or the "inconvenience" of all of their support (money and babysitting)than place my child in harms way. I have a friend who told her mother that her grandpa was abusing her and she called her a liar. That exchange stays with her still and she's 37! NEVER put politeness ahead of your child's best interest! EVER!

Aug 28, 2013
need answers asap
by: Anonymous

The signs are everywhere that my two year old daughter is being messed with by my boyfriends sister's daughter. What do I do? I know her mother want believe me and will fly off. But something has to be done. Were do I begin with my daughter?

Nov 25, 2013
terrified
by: Anonymous

I don't know what to do my son is two years old but he is usually with his dad he doesn't like me changing his pamper until one day last week me and his brother and father was in the bed together and I was sleep holding my two year old he started to rub me I thought it was his dad but I open my eyes it was my son I yelled screaming with fear wondering what's going on how do he know this his father says that it's normal I'm afraid is it normal for a child to know the exact spots as a child I honestly think his father fondled him

Jan 24, 2014
I've been having this feeling about Please can anyone comment on my situation?
by: Anonymous

My daughter is 8 months old & the man that I'm with is not her paternal father, but recently started having this weird feeling as if I don't want him to change her diaper, or be alone in the same room with out me. I'm not sure if this is really happening or not but I've noticed now that she is a couple months older she is starting to respond differently to having her diaper changed. Last week she started peeing as soon as I would take off her diaper to change her, & give me a look as if she was doing something wrong, also in the past week she has discovered that her diaper is even there , always grabbing herself down there, grabbing at her diaper, lying very still whenever I am changing her or wiping her.. Something just isn't right, it's that intuition inside of me... but I just don't understand how someone could even think to do something like this to a little innocent baby girl???

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