Still Affected by Child Abuse

by Name Undisclosed
(Location Undisclosed)

People have always said to me that 6 years later I should be getting over the fact that my uncle abused me horrifically for around 8 years. This is not the case.

I disclosed this abuse by my uncle to my family when I was ten years old because I realised the abuse was getting to a point where there were going to be harsh consequences. Harsher than being abused, I hear you thinking? Yes, harsher. Of course it was going to get worse as I aged.

After disclosure, we went down the right paths to the police and went to court. My uncle served 2 years in prison for abusing me and my cousin. He is out now and I still see him around my town centre.

There's something I disagree with on here, within the information there is a phrase: "Becomes the abuser." It is implied that all people who suffer will become the abuser. This is not at all the reality. Very few sufferers become abusers and it is nearly always men.

I suffer anxiety and depression and have self harmed for 2 years on and off. My life is turning around but I never dealt with what happened to me. I think your site is very helpful to sufferers. It helped me understand why I have anxiety and other effects.


A Video Reading by Darlene BarriereNote from Darlene: I regret that I can no longer continue the practice of commenting on visitor submissions to the degree I have in the past, as I am currently writing a book on healing from child abuse. I ask that you please read my post of June 24, 2009 titled Announcement Regarding my Comments for a complete explanation. I welcome you to follow my progress on my Facebook page at Healing from Child Abuse. When you get there, don't forget to click onto the Become a Fan link. I do hope to hear from you there.

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Comments for Still Affected by Child Abuse

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Aug 03, 2009
Perhaps you've misread the intent...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Since you have not identified the area you read the information, I cannot be specific here. What I will say is that you've taken on a meaning that isn't intended. Nowhere do I say that all abused go on to become abusers. But it's a mistake to not recognize that those who have been abused can and do go on to abuse themselves (a conservative estimate puts the percentage somewhere between 22 - 30%). This does not take into account the cases that never get reported. And it is also important to understand that those who abuse have in the overwhelming number of cases been abused themselves.

As for almost always men doing the abusing (I gather you're speaking strictly of sexual abuse), that's not so. We tend to HEAR about the men, but seldom about the women who sexually offend; and they are out there in greater numbers than society is willing to accept.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts with my visitors and me.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Aug 03, 2009
getting over it?
by: Scott Canada

I know exactly how you feel. This site is a great help and a great way of telling someone ..anyone what happened. I myself dont think I will ever get over what that woman did to me. People say that I'm still holding on to it but the fact is it just stays there. I shove it out of the way and go about living but its right there...I can touch it and I swear it smiles back at me. Its almost like a friend. Its been 36 years since my soul was severely scarred, and for the first time on this past Friday, I stepped foot into that school.I walked slowly,numbingly,with rubber legs from classroom to classroom. I recognized certain rooms and the secrets and sights and sounds they once held. I went to the back of the little classrooms and imagined me up front over a teachers lap getting my bare bottom spanked. I imagined all the students there watching and me crying and squirming and what they MUST have seen. These weren't quick little events! She turned them into long,very painful and very humiliating sessions that in her mind required many,many hard slaps on bare skin. I wonder what all those 7 year olds were thinking while watching my bottom turn red. I visited the teachers lounge and it is so much like I remembered it. I pictured where the furniture was and the events that unfolded. I spoke and noticed my voice reverberate off of the walls. That echo was always there and was there the day she yelled at me and pulled down my pants. It was there when I cried and the strap landed again and again and again on my little 8 year old backside. I saw the windows that at that time were open and I recall hearing the children outside playing while all this was taking place. I walked outside and followed my EXACT footsteps through the EXACT door to the spot in the playground where I was caught "playing too rough." I stood in that spot and looked at the school and the only thing different is I'm taller ...and there are no children here anymore. You see, its closed down now. I can still see her coming out of that door for me. I could see her hand reach out and grab me and her hauling me inside. I heard that little girl chasing us and asking the teacher if she was going to give me a spanking.I still cant recall that woman's face or name. So long story short are not alone. What you can do is write your story here in all its awful detail as I did and let some sunshine and air on it. It feels good to write about it. I am writing now to different people about what happened to me. Looking for witnesses.Some live far away now and that makes it somehow safer and I feel less exposed. Its all about that social anxiety I suffer from. I wonder just where that came from? So far no luck and some dont believe it. And many have given me stories of their own. This has helped. What still haunts me is the fact that I was the only one that this was done to. It blows my mind...whats left of it. Ive heard many stories of the strap to the hand. I would gladly have traded.

Aug 04, 2009
I'm still struggling/still Affected but in a good place
by: maurice

Still Affected by child abuse, If only, our abusers knew the lasting effects that remain in the innocent child/teenager/ adolecent once abused did to them Many might think twice of the damage they cause each one of us. Darlene Thank you, your words are so effective and understanding and right. A very high Percent of women abuse and sadly I have to say are more distructive in their abusing then men. Maybe it is because society hold the female/woman in such a high place. Thankfully the Majority of the sexes do not abuse but live wholesome lives doing their very best to LOVE rather than abuse. Yes I agree most abusers were abused themselves who did not get help for it. No excuse for abusing the innocent, I am certain that the man who spanked me was deciplined in the same way if not harsher than he beat me. I learned about the background he grew up in and came from. He hid behind his trusting roll as a Religious Man being who he was. There's great hope out there, there's great help out there. seek it and let go in yourself the memories and the effects to the best of your ability. Each of us has his/her own way of coping. Don't Quit believing in yourself. You are the most important person now to Love and be loved.

Oct 20, 2009
Hurt doesn't just stop
by: Lois ducharme

I am the mother of an abused son. He went through his entire adult life hiding from the hurt. The only thing I can say is to keep talking . Get someone you feel good talking to. This is a good site. There is no time on how long someone should hurt. My heart goes out to you.

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