Spanking: A Case for Sexual Assault

by Darlene Barriere
(Kamloops, British Columbia, Canada)

Recently, I was on a forum where a parent described and extolled the virtues of administering a bare-bottom spanking to her 13-year-old daughter. The mother detailed how she and her husband had made their daughter take down her pants and underwear, and then made her bend over and grab her ankles. The father then administered 10 hard swats to the daughter's bottom, using a paddle that had been drilled with holes.

Many replied to this particular post, citing the merits of spanking as an effective form of discipline and offering their support to the woman who had started the post. One outraged responder accused the parents of sexual abuse, to which many others replied in the negative. The answer that was picked as the best one came from a contributor who had basically told the outraged individual to calm down. She hailed the parent for disciplining their child, but did go on to say that baring the girl's bottom had been un-necessary.

My Comments: Whether or not you approve of spanking, the response from the outraged contributor was one that warrants some discussion.

The definition of sexual abuse includes forcing a child to expose themselves. You may be saying, "Don't be ridiculous, these parents were simply doing their job by administering a spanking to an unruly daughter."

Yes, one could successfully argue that the exposure was done for the sole purpose of discipline, not for the purpose of sexual gratification; therefore, doesn't fall under the intended definition of sexual abuse. But an argument could still be made for sexual abuse since the act of spanking itself can be considered a sexual act. This is not as far-fetched as you might think, especially in the context of a pubescent girl whose genitals were exposed for the purpose of meting out a spanking.

Before you say, "No kid would embarrass themselves further by trying to argue this in a court of law", consider this:

While laws in the United States and other countries currently have a statute of limitations on reporting child abuse, Canada does not. An adult—or child--can report what is called historical child abuse, years after the alleged abuse occurred. Yes, it would take a willing prosecutor to bring forth charges. And yes, it would require enough evidence for a judge to rule that indeed sexual assault had taken place. But it is possible.

And even if you don't believe there is a case for sexual abuse, remember that in Canada, we have a spanking law that prohibits spanking children before the age of 2 and after the age of 12. The use of implements--in this case, a paddle with holes drilled into it--is also prohibited. In Canada, there would be a case for child abuse.

Parents who employ bare-bottom spankings where the child is required to grab his or her ankles, put themselves at risk for a charge, and quite possibly, a conviction of sexual assault. If parents who administer these bare-bottom spankings to their teens don't re-consider their stance, the court of public opinion won't matter; it may well become a matter for a court of law.

Comments for Spanking: A Case for Sexual Assault

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Sep 08, 2007
Say no to spanking!
by: JWC

I don't believe that spanking is an effective form of discipline. Part of the reason is that as a youngster, my parents struck me only once, and I remember it to this day. I still don't remember what it was for, I can only remember that I felt my whole world was coming to an end and that my parents no longer loved me. I can only imagine the pain that abused children must go through, especially those that receive daily physical punishment. My current belief is that there are several alternate forms of discipline that will achieve the desired goal. These forms produce a healthy and stable person, who is fully functional in society. Isn't that what we want for our future.

Sep 08, 2007
I used to spank, but no more
by: Mark

Your article gives us something to think about.

Sep 09, 2007
by: Anonymous

Never thought of this before. Definitely fuel for thought.

Sep 09, 2007
Too Old For Spankings
by: Anonymous

I believe that a 13 year old is too old for spankings as discipline. In addition, having a "bare-bottom" spanking at that age is inappropriate and humiliating. There are other creative means of discipline. Parents need an education as well as the court systems.

Oct 17, 2007
Response to Comment entitled "Say no to spanking"
by: Anonymous

I totally agree with your stance against spanking children. I've never known how a parent would think that it is okay to hit a child.

Nov 02, 2007
over spanking
by: ray

i dont like this at all........however i think a bare bottom spanking for the daugher is okay over the knee .is ok........the bending over and using a paddle with holes in it is totaly over board..........if you as a dad spank it should be with your hand...........but now a days i guess i am also considered old fahion ,,,,,,,oh well.

May 06, 2008
Spanking is a form of abuse at any age
by: Anonymous

Bare-bottom spanking is not only humiliating, degrading and scary for pubescent girls, but I think for children of any age. I look back on the spankings of my childhood as violations of my body, as traumatic memories which taught me nothing more than that I do not have a right to defend my body. I believe adults should begin looking for more mature, functional ways to channel their own anger, rather than focusing so much energy on how to 'discipline' their children. Hitting is hitting, it doesn't matter what part of the body the slap or blow or grab or otherwise forceful gesture is administered to. We are all so shut down that we can no longer step inside the world of a child and imagine how scary it must be to be struck by the one person who is supposed to be caring for you. I really truly believe that it did me more harm than good. I learned to have no respect for my own body, and to physically punish myself whenever I did anything wrong or was overwhelmed by pain or anger. There were many other factors in my childhood that of course contributed to my troubles as a young adult, but I guarantee you that spanking did not help. Just tonight at a play I saw a very angry women grab her little 3 year old girl by her face to get her to shut up. A moment later, when the mother made a threat, the little girl run up to her mom with her hands covering her bottom. AND THE WORST PART IS THAT THIS LITTLE GIRL WASN'T EVEN DOING ANYTHING WRONG, SHE WAS JUST BEING A 3 YEAR OLD. No child should have to live in fear of being verbally, physically, mentally, spiritually or sexually abused by their parent. It DOES NOT CREATE HEALTHY, STABLE ADULTS. I can't believe this issue is even still up for debate. AND BY THE WAY, SEXUAL ABUSE TAKES MANY FORMS AND THE INTENTION OF THE PERPETRATOR IS IRRELEVANT, IT IS HOW IT IS INTERPRETED BY THE CHILD. This is all the anger that was handed down to me from my parents who thought they were doing the best thing for me by disciplining me by hitting, isolating, or threatening me in other means - NORMAL PARENTING IN OUR SOCIETY. Watching that poor little girl try to fend of her mother's perfectly socially acceptable physical, mental and emotional attack tonight has triggered me so much I want to drink and completely destroy the 1+ years of sobriety I have worked my ASS off for, no pun intended.

May 06, 2008
To Anonymous:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I couldn't agree more with your stance on this subject. I also relate on several levels. Having lived child abuse in so many forms while I grew up with violent parents who thought up twisted forms of punishment for all five of us kids is a large part of why I created this website, That, and to reach out to others who had lived, or are still living, something similar and to give them a voice and validation.

On a logical level, you know that a drink will not solve anything. What you are trying to achieve with a drink is to bury the pain, pain of being helpless to the situation, pain of remembering what happened to you as a child and how helpless and powerless you were then.

Don't be afraid to feel the emotions that welled up in you seeing that 3-year-old little girl and knowing that her mother was going to strike her in the name of "discipline." It's what you DO with those emotions that's important. When you allow yourself the feelings, be in the Present moment. Focus on what is happening inside your body: heart beat, churning stomach, throbbing head; all that your body is physically responding to. Take some deep breaths. Go inside yourself. "Watch" your self experience these emotions and the way your body is experiencing them. Stay in the Present. Don't "think" about the little girl or a memory from your past, just stay Present with the emotions and your body and don't resist any of it. Accept what IS. Know that you cannot change what IS.

THEN see what happens. You might be surprised at how those emotions start to dissipate.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

May 06, 2008
To Anonymous:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You might find 3 other articles about spanking and the effects of spanking of interest. If you haven't already read them, you'll find the articles on this site at the following URLs:Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Jun 08, 2008
Spanking Bare
by: Anonymous

I don't see a problem with spanking a 13-year-old, but the way this was done seems wrong. A child this age should not be spanked naked, she should have at least her bra and panties on. And only on the bottom not on the genitals. You shouldn't spank so hard that it leaves bruises.

Jun 12, 2008
To my visitors:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I'm posting this in an effort to release the other comments currently trapped in queue for this submission; there is a system glitch that has yet to be resolved. My sincere apologies for the delay in getting these comments to appear on this page. I realize it's an inconvenience, but rest assured, I continue to work at trying to fix this problem.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Aug 03, 2008
throw away the key
by: Bobby

I wasn't spanked as a child in the 40' and 50's. I was raised by a Mom who believed in punishment for the least little trivial thing such as lying to her, misbehaving at church or any neighbor telling her what i'd been caught doing. Her method was not a hand spanking or hairbrushing. It was with a belt, paddle or switch. I was sent to me room and instructed to remove my pants and underwear. She'd either have me bend over a chair or bend me over a table for the belt or paddle. I usually received about 20 licks from belt or about same from paddle. As for the switch, she'd take my left arm with her left hand, and turn me around with my bare bottom facing her, then begin by scolding me again about what i had done to deserve this. I'd be trembling, sobbing and begging for her not to whip me, but give me another chance. All to no avail. She'd then start by switching my bare bottom with a switch about 5 ft long, which would wrap around my thighs, beginning with top of thighs and working all way down to just above my knees. I don't know how many times the switch made that trip in one session, but when she stopped, i'd be one crying mess of human flesh. I'd do a good Hopi Indian rain dance,while the switching was going on. I'd try to dodge licks by jumping around, placing my hands behind to block licks, but I'd get hit with switch, and have to quit that. I'd then be laid on bed and sobbing for a while untill the pain left and i could get up and put my clothes on and resume my chores on th farm. I've taken meals standing and setting on cushions before. I would have to ease in my desk at school after a night before session with either of the 3 objects used. I'd like to find someone who was raised the way I was and compare notes.

Oct 16, 2008
Naked spanking is sexual assault
by: Anonymous

We were spanked with belts and straps as kids, and my parents always whipped us naked. We'd often have bruises and welts on our bottoms, thighs and genitals. The whippings hurt a lot, but the worst part was having to strip naked. It clearly is a sexual assault.

Oct 17, 2008
Never hit a child because this could happen
by: Anonymous

I have been severely abused as a child. There was a favorite punishment in our house for my brother and i. We called it the "8 rounder".
My step father would find the crime, any thing, even a simple as a dish out of place or a glass of water spilt. He would hit us with his fists for round 1. He would then command us to strip naked, and he put raw rice(hard) on the hard wood floor and make us kneel on it for 2 hours. This hurt so badly that it cut permenant scars in my brother's knees. I learned that if i shifted my weight when he wasnt looking, it didnt hurt as bad.That was round 2. Then it was a thrashing w/ belt buckle(thrashings were actual beatings/ like using a whip)for round three. My brother often tried to protect me but offen merited more once the 8 rounds were over.round 3. Round 4 was being tied to a pole in the basement and being forced to watch as the other was beaten by fists again until there was a confession and sufficent blood. Round 5: a serious paddling on the inside of the thighs.we were forced to spread our legs as the paddle struck our thighs and often groin.Round 6: being whipped in the armpits with a switch.This may sound strange, but it hurt so badly. Round 7: A foot whipping w/ a strap across the arch of the foot.Round 8: a final dunking of our heads in the toilet because we were "peices of shit." The real kiker of it is that this was this was invented after my brother did not scream after a bare paddling that lasted for 2 hours. He experimented for hours until he came up with this. and the best part? His parents never laid a hand on him.

Nov 04, 2008
Talk about whipping
by: yhskb

It is not only fathers that do this.

My Dad left when I was 7, and untill I was 16 and left, my Mom would would whip me with an extension cord.

You never knew when it would happen, one day you would do something wrong, and get scolded, next day you would do something wrong, and get to made strip naked and she would whip me with an extension cord.

Nov 25, 2008
Children's rights?
by: Anonymous

Now seriously, how can we say that such things as "childrens' rights" exist if we condone inflicting pain as a form of punishment? Especially THIS kind.

How can we say that a child has the right to his or her own body if we, as adults, say the we have the right to override their right when convenient for us?

Adults have rights. The right not to be spanked by a police offer when they're caught speeding.

Why don't children have the right NOT to be assaulted by their parents?

Nov 26, 2008
by: scott

***Comment moved to Feasibility of Online Support Group thread on this site by Darlene Barriere - Webmaster***

Nov 27, 2008
spanking debates
by: scott

Note from Darlene: Scott, as you can see from the post above, I moved your previous comment to the applicable thread on this site, as per your request.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Dec 01, 2008
Arrest them
by: Anonymous

There is no other person in this country that a person could beat and get away with it without being arrested, except for a child. People see horrible things in public and turn their heads when it is a child because they are just "disciplining" that child. Bull!

Feb 02, 2009
by: Anonymous

Note from Darlene: Anonymous, with all due respect, this isn't the place to debate this issue, which is why I've deleted your post.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Mar 18, 2009
I don't believe in spankings.
by: Anonymous

I believe in disciplining children for the right reasons but spanking is the wrong way to go about it. If a child gets some taps on the hand with a ruler, that may be considered discipline but spanking on someone's bare bottom is humiliating. Do parents want to damage their children? There are parents who beat their children senseless and say it was for their own good. You want to teach your children right from wrong and this is teaching them that whenever they're angry-lash out. The girl is 13 years old, going through puberty probably....did they ever think this would amount to sexual abuse even if they weren't thinking it? Don't they know people even do this for fun?- the pain is actually a joke to them. Which is sickening. Parents need to start treating their kids less like Do-as-i-say-robots and more like humans.

Mar 24, 2009
grabbing ankles.
by: Anonymous

I was spanked essentially naked three times in adolescence. It was summertime, and it's acceptable for boys to have no shirt on, but my stepmother 3x made me take my swimtrunks down and touch my toes. Grabbing ankles or touching toes prevents the child from covering his/her genitals.

The danger to boys is twofold, the scrotum can be accidentally struck by the belt or paddle and the external genitals can be stimulated by repeated bounces against the thighs.

Apr 14, 2009
by: Rita Carlino

Any type of spanking is the wrong approach to discipline. I'm 42 and have three children who have never and will never be spanked. The abuse I went through as a child, haunts me yet today.
I grew up in rural Alabama and was raised by my aunt and uncle from the time I was 4 until shortly before my 14th birthday. My aunt was my mothers sister and had little control. My uncle not only spanked me but also spanked his own son and daughter. It was often done in the presence of other family members and always done bare bottom and occassionally naked.
The humiliation imposed on us was as bad as the spanking. The more he had to drink the worse it was and I'm sure he purposley made it more embarrassing for us. We were spanked in front of his brother and nephew on numerous occassions and the nephew was only 4 years older then me.
The last spanking I received was when I was 13 years old. I got home two hours late from a swim party at my friends house. My uncle had been drinking all day and when I came in I was still in my bathing suit. He took off his belt and grasbbed my hair as I tried to get away from him. By my hair he forced me over the arm of a chair in the living room. He then stripped me of my one peice bathing suit and spanked me with his belt. It all happened so fast I didn't realize right away that not only was his son watching, but also his brother, nephew and a male cousin. When finished I had to pick up my bathing suit and run naked to my room.
I was bruised from the back of my knees to my lower back. Fortunatley my grandmother found out about it and I lived with her until I was 19. This man should have went to jail. His children were younger than me and I can only imagine what they went through for many more years. He died two years ago and I still haven't been able to forget what he did to me and his children. Spanking is a terrible way to punish kids but to humiliate them is even worse.

Apr 14, 2009
To Rita:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I'm so very sorry you endured such humiliating and sexualized "discipline" at the hands of a man who was clearly unfit for parenthood. Your grandmother was right to remove you from that environment. I'm so glad you had her to lean on. And what you learned you carried with you as a parent. I commend you for breaking the cycle with your own children. You and your children should be very proud of you.

Thank you for sharing your story here, Rita.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Apr 16, 2009
I agree wholeheartily with You Darlene and all those caring honest true comments on this.
by: Maurice

Yes, it is sexual assault on the innocent/growing/maturing child/teenager/adolecent pubescent girls. males. Having to display one's genitals on the orders of a very sicko Parent/Guardian/Controlling Adult is wrong. wrong, for that child etc. once a child gets a sense of respect for their body any form of humiliation begins having it's effects immediately irrespective of the age of the child. Some of the comments are so honest that I idetify with them as being totally true and positive re-actions from those of us who were spanked in the way mentioned in most comments. When most of the boys and myself accepted that being punished/discipled in this way was wrong we just had to grin and bear it, pardon the pun, This sick dean of discipline chose this form and we were his willing subjects of control. Yes, it does bring back the wrongness of it all when one reads about being told touch your toes at 14/15/16/17 as we all were at this Christian School. All displaying the most private and sacredness of our anatomy in full view of this Sicko Adult Gurdian of us all as he lashed the leather down on our tender cheek bottoms. especially being at that age. I can't see how any other human being could justify spanking as a form of discipline without making it a Case of Sexual Assault. Darlene, Thank you for your honest and professioanl mind on this form of punishment/disciple being such.

May 26, 2009
Thank you for protecting children
by: Concerned Citizen

Thank you for speaking up for children and teens who don't have the advantages of knowing the law or articulating their experiences of how forced exposure, violence to private parts, even stimulation of private parts through the act of spanking can trigger irreversible hijacking of psycho sexual development, fear around nudity causing too much stress for a girl to relax enough to enjoy intercourse in later life, etc... If the girl's clitoris is rubbed rhythmically on the abuser's body during the act of over the knee spanking, she is forced to have her sexual privates masturbated against her will in a humiliating act of violence against her by someone she is forced to live with, not knowing who to tell or the words for the violation that transpired. Just like rape is about power, control and degradation, so is the naked spanking of a teen girl by an adult male about power and control. It is sexual assault because the victim's clitoris, private body parts and sexual nerves are stimulated against her will, touched against her will and considered to be not hers to own and control. It's about time we protect all teenagers, preteens and children. Keep every human being safe from this day on.

May 26, 2009
Buttocks & Sexual Harassment
by: Concerned Citizen

It is considered not only assault but also sexual harassment for anyone to slap or fondle anyone else's buttocks without consent. So for a bullying, violent, male parent to assume that he has the right to smack his daughter's buttocks with his hand or anything else is sexual trespass. Forcing nudity and touching privates, even through clothes is sexual trespass and sexual harassment. The category of sexual trespass/ harassment/ abuse is not defined by the intent or experience of the hitter but by the effects on the victim. It doesn't matter if the perpetrator's goal was anger release, control, discipline, sadism or perversion and it doesn't matter if the perpetrator got sexual or power pleasure out of the act. What matters is that the victim deserves protection from having her buttocks pinched, slapped, smacked, fondled or touched in any way against her will. No one should have his or her buttocks touched without consent. For an adult male to assume that a teen or preteen girl or any child of any age should submit to sexual trespass sets her up for further sexual harassment and abuse from the larger community because it teaches her that her body is not her own, that life is to be feared, that nudity is equated with violence against her, that men believe they have the right to commit sexual assault against her and that the rest of her family will put the wishes of the perpetrator ahead of her need for safety, with some mothers fearing that if the daughter tells CPS what happened the violent male offender might lose his job and some mothers value their image and pay ahead of their daughter's right to live without sexual assault or fear of it happening again. Endless betrayals and coercion can ensue as selfish family members hide the alcoholism or other factors enmeshed with the sadistic hitting. So long as the act of hitting children remains legal to any degree, the biological children of sadists are prime targets for sexual assault via spanking. It happens. That is why we need to make it safe for survivors to tell the truths of what they endured and why we need to protect all children from this moment on.

May 31, 2009
Undressing an innocent child for a spanking /beating can have a sexual connotation for the giver.
by: maurice

Definition of smacking/spanking/corporal punishment was for a long time confusing for me. I believe there is a big difference. while smacking/spanking definition is with the hand. gentle or severe that is what it is is. receiving a smack on the covered bottom seems to have been a natural re-action of many parents when I was young and even some of my friends who are mammies/daddies in the last few years. I believe once this form is out of love for the child so that they will not be harmed by running out in the road/street to use just one reason for such a quick smack. Spanking in my understanding is is the more serious form of correcting/disciplining a child. I believe when a adult person (parent/otherwise) makes a child undress their most sensitive parts for a spanking are disrespecting that child irrespective of age. Their innocent/vulnerability is ignored. So I say no to spanking. Though because I was spanked for a while I almost condoned it and agreed that it was okay. No more now. Corporal punishment or the beating of the bottom with instruments is total physical abuse and bruise/marks/welts/black/blue remain for a life time. Child/teenager/adolescent young adult beaten in this way are certainly humiliated in a way, that years later as was in my case caused me the greater effects of it all. Realizing that some perverted adult ordered me to take down or off my pants for a beating on the bare bottom was sexually aroused by what he was doing. Sadly I was stupidly ever so innocent in my adolescent years that i did not challenge him for making me undress my most private and maturing area of my sexuality. I was really disgusted in myself at the thought of it. Being in an all male surrounding it repressed my knowledge of my sexuality. A small number of boys shared with each other that being corporally punished on the bare bottom by this man was not right. we were not in a position to say no to him because we accepted that it was the way it was done in that school and all around us at the time. in Families and other places of guardianship and schools. Yes I would maintain it was sexual/physical and emotional abuse all the way. I thank one and all for sharing on this tragic time of our lifes having been abused in this way. I still have many hang up's about it all. But receiving great peace of mind from all your stories and the honest sharing in detail of our feelings around it all. Knowing how each one is dealing with his or her beatings/spankings is most theraputic for me. Honest expressing of our feeling knowing it is safe makes all the difference for me. Darlene Thank You.

Oct 09, 2009
by: Flore

It is the first time I search for this kind of discussion group about spanking/abuse on the internet. I never dared to do it before as it is such a difficult issue for me.

I have been quite severely spanked during my childhood, especially at a very young age. I often had to be naked to receive such punishments, or bare-bottomed. It left scars sometimes. It also happened that the person hitting me (not my parents, a guardian)also hit my genitals, especially my anal parts and parts of my vagina, while spanking me. I don't know if she did that on purpose. I'll never know. It still hurts when I remember! Even nowadays that I am 30-years-old, I still feel bad about that. Was she abusing me sexually? I am not sure she wished to but I think she did as it severely damaged my sexuality.
Anyway, I just wished to say THANK YOU for speaking up about that. Thank you so much. It really helps me to feel less lonely.
Here in France, where I live, it so so commonly admitted to spank children : sometimes I feel lonely and ridiculous when I say to my friends that I do not wish to spank my kids for discipline. People laugh and don't understand. It is quite difficult to deal with for me. These laughs bring me back to all this pain I felt and I am never talking about it.
So really, thank you! What I just read will make a difference in my life.

Oct 09, 2009
To Flore:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Thank YOU for sharing your story here, Flore. There is no doubt in my mind that your abuser was sexually assaulting you.

As for spanking children, your friends are the ones who lack understanding. When your friends and others laugh at you for NOT believing in spanking children, always remember, it is EASY to spank a child; it is far more difficult NOT to. Most parents spank out of anger, which is a very dangerous thing. And even when they don't spank in anger, it's still a violent act. YOU are the one that has taken the non-violent approach to parenting...that is something you need to be VERY proud of. Don't ever let others who choose violence against their children in the name of discipline destroy your true understanding. You see, Flore, that understanding came from having been abused. That understanding came as a result of you making the conscious decision that you would stop the cycle of abuse. That is turning pain into power. And while too many people believe that spanking is not abuse, that is not the position I take; and the reason for that is because of the violence that spanking really is, not to mention the resulting well-documented long term negative effects of such disciplinary practices. I find it bizarre that we have laws to protect full-grown adults from being violated (even spitting on someone is considered assault), yet we legalize hurting children in the name of discipline. That is the insanity of it all.

So be proud of yourself, Flore. I sure am proud of you.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Oct 09, 2009
The negative effects of spanking can and do leave lasting confusion.
by: maurice

Darlene, thank you once again for bring the spanking debate to the forefront. Sadly I am hearing from time to time in recent months if only that child got a good spanking HE/SHE would think twice about acting up and being naughty. Parents who spanked their children, beat their children on their bottoms sure did'nt know the lasting negative effects it would have on them years later nearly their life time. Again I've no doubt for the handful of people I heard the great percent of modern day parents and guardians of children don't believe in hitting their children. For me being spanked, either I was too nieve or innocent, scared, frightened, that I never sensed the sexual abuse in the spanking. But I have speken with others who said yes it was sexual abuse because they felt a certain way during it. Yes the exposure of one's gentitalia during a spanking could have led to arousel etc. Again making the spanking of 11/12/teenagers and young adolecents totally wrong and out of place. Uncovering them, making them feel inhibited, embarrassed and most conscious of themselves took away their self respect and dignity. Spanking is wrong, there is no two ways about it. A form of perversion too when it is done by someone one other than one's parents or Guardian I would say. Parents because they looked on it as discipline certainly never realized the negative effects it would have in later years. What amazes me the parents who undressed their children for a spanking could never relate to the the beauty of their bodies or the beauty of their sexuality. A spanking certainly does not allow one to acknowledge the beauty of ones body be one male or female. For a good number of years I never liked my bottom because the person who spanked/beat me on the bottom kept saying that God provided hime with that part of my body to punish. I naturally was far too young and vunerable to argue with him and believed him. After speaking with the counsellor I began to love my bottom and my body as something God created beautiful all parts of it. So my reason for loving myself in the mirror and having a good wholesome appreciation of the naked body. I have total respect for it. My dignity is in tact. I then value and appreciate the beauty in others because I have such a respect of my own dignity. Darlene you are empowering in your positivety about the spanking debate. It is most helpful and encourageing to me Now since I first wandered onto your site. You have helped all your visitors and treated them with total respect in the telling and relating their story. Your site is a safe haven.

Oct 09, 2009
To Maurice and other visitors:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

There is nothing more I would like to be able to say than your statements about parents and spanking are true, but in fact, the opposite is true, Maurice: The vast majority of parents believe that spanking is an effective form of discipline. They also believe it is their right and their duty. They choose NOT to believe study after study that repeatedly shows the long term negative effects that spanking has on children. The most disturbing fact that has come of the studies? Of the more than 80% of parents who STILL believe in spanking, more than half of them have and continue to spank their babies (children under the age of one). I can only hope that in my lifetime your statements will come to pass, Maurice, but as yet they have not.

Oct 09, 2009
I'm saddened, upset, concerned.
by: Maurice

Your comment Darlene really frightens me and makes me sad to read that studies show spanking is still so prominent in families and that parents still spank the infant children. here in Ireland I am just after hearing a Director of Barnardo's a recognized Body who care for abused childen. Saying that because of unemployment in families that tensions are high among parents and the risks childeen could be at are worrying. Families are becoming dependent on social services who were used to high living and lifestyles. That is why I am saddened and frightened about the safety and the security for the future of children. 40% is high for parents to be still using spanking to discipline their infant children. I believe that Ireland has been shocked and is still waiting the abuse reports of a number of diocese's yet. That is why I believe parents and in particular Fathers don't and won't use spanking as a form of disciplining their children. Simply because children will tell much quicker than my generation of children would even dream of. Darlene, thank you. you and all your visitors believe spanking is not the answer and will do our very best to say to parents Don't Spank, their are other ways of loving and cherishisg your children.

Dec 29, 2009
Relieved not to be alone
by: Anonymous

I was spanked as a child. Not hard, nor on the bare bottom. These were quick hand-spankings, fully clothed (as far as I can remember), and perfectly acceptable by American parenting standards. And you know what, that didn't matter. Because from an early age, well before puberty, possibly as young as three or four, I had strange "squirmy feelings" whenever I was spanked, saw a spanking or even thought about it. It wasn't until I grew up that I recognized those feelings as sexual arousal.

To this day I don't know whether the fetish was created by my own spankings or already existed and was simply awakened by them. I suspect the former, however, since as far as I know fetishes do not develop at such a young age without triggers. But it doesn't matter -- what matters is that because of it, spanking always carried an EXTRA layer of humiliation with me, a deep underlying sense of shame and confusion that never left me and probably never will. I have other kinks, and none of them repulse me as this one does, because it's something my mind finds sick and degrading even though my body enjoys it. It's a purely physical response and entirely out of my control. I have no pedophilic tendencies normally, but even if I see a child being spanked, the involuntary arousal occurs, and my shame and disgust are impossible to describe. Worse, I know that if I were to spank my own daughter, or any other child, I would be aroused by the act. The only good news is that with this in mind, I will never do to another kid what was done to me. I wish more parents had this knowledge.

Most spanked kids don't develop this reaction (though they may develop plenty of other issues), but it's common enough to be well-documented, and not a risk any sane parent should take. Even the slim possibility should be enough to keep anyone from spanking kids EVER.

Currently I live in North Carolina, where my views are not popular. I still speak out, though. I can't help it. A coworker told me recently that her seven-year-old son, who has primary M-type bipolar disorder (a type that causes frequent irrational aggression that's beyond his control), once said he hated her and threatened to kill her. She then went on to boast that he gets the belt for saying things like that. I stopped what I was doing, turned to her and said, "If he ever kills you, I will defend him in court. You've just told me all I need to know." If you can't raise a child with a violent mood disorder without using violence yourself, you are going to reap what you sow.

Dec 30, 2009
Ignorance, Ignorance even as 2010 aproaches
by: maurice

The efeects of a spanking on anyone of us has long term questionings all or most of the time. Sadly being humiltaed especially being unaware that is what it is humiliation. It is degrading for a child/teens dignity to force them to undress for such a henius form of so called discipline by Parents/Guardians/Adults who spanks especially on their bottoms is doing. Even to this day I have many frustrations around the effects it had on me all my life. I wish I knew the real effects of what a hand/belt/slipper or indeed cane striking the tender cheeks of a child in their tender years. Then the double effect it has on the dignity of the teenager/adolecent being so humiliated by having to expose themselves to receive a pained and sore bottom. I can well imagine all kinds of Hang-ups, thinking, fetishes etc still linger on from not fully being healed of such physical abuse. I am fairly certain that it has sexual connotations in one's mind too on realizing I was fully mature as a teenager when My bare bottom was exposed in the name of discipline, I speak alot with people who were spanked and to a counsellor to still keep my sanity about it all right for me. The debate of the effects of being spanked is endless. Darlene has proved to me we can be healed from it. Thank you.

Jul 07, 2010
totally nude bottom spaking by stepparent of 2 boys 6 and 7 years old
by: Anonymous

I am very uncomfortable with the fact that my daughter's live-in boyfriend, made her sons, 6 and 7 years old take their pants off to spank them, with his hand, for playing in dirt in front of an apartment complex. His justification was that they, "meaning the family" would be kicked out for digging a hole in the dirt, with a toy shovel." I felt first of all, it was excessive. I think talking to them, and giving a warning would be sufficient. My daughter argues that I am being intrusive. What is your opinion? I felt to a degree, it is sexual abuse. Why? The child is sexually humiliated. If there is such a thing. And, I would question, if the spanker got some gratification out of it, and the fact that he closed the door, so that the mother and I could not see what he was doing.

Aug 27, 2010
No one has the right::
by: maurice

Those of us who were of the age and generation where spankings/beating/canings were the order of the day by Parents-Guardians- religious men and women and others involved with youth groups empathize with each other: Simply because we were innocent/vulnerable victims of their physical abuse of dignity and self respect even as a child and adolescent: We know when we abhor another of the most recent generations spanking a child on the bare bottom: We know the ,long term effects it had on all of us: These parents who still spank must be made aware that while they little or nothing wrong with undressing their beautiful innocent child especially not taking into account their age of being humiliated: From an early age now children are made aware of the importance of their beautiful bodies and that now one should touch or be near them unduly: Yet the same parent or guardian tell them to take down their pants and underwear to beat that very private part of that beautiful body: Hypocrites: I cringe when i hear a step-father/mother beat chiudren in this way: They sure have no respect for that child which is not their own: We all know the step-father's high percent of abuse of children: Again reading through all the comments once again reminded me of my bare bottom beatings: Thank's to darlene and her site we all can move on and be winners over such abuse: No, No, No should adult parents have or feel it is their right spank their children on the bare or covered bottom: Love and cherish each chld equally relate what is right or wrong through love sharings:

Oct 25, 2010
I almost died twice
by: DAB

I am sobbing right now. I am 14 years old and my mother abuses me and my brother sexually, physically, and emotionaly. She also neglects us from time to time. When I was 10 my mother was at her worst. My brother, who was 6 at the time, stepped into some mud,was screamed at, picked up by his hair, stripped of hs clothes, was put in the bathtub for a bath. There she punched him. I heard him screaming and yelling my name. I was little and too scared to go to him. but when he screamed more I braced myself and ran in. There I saw my brothers face covered in blood. She had punched him in the face. I screamed at her to stop, she turned around, undressed me completely, took me outside where the neighbors were having a barbcue, and spanked me with a belt so hard I couldn't walk or breathe. She carried me inside by one arm and threw me against the wall where I broke my wrist. I couldn't breathe.I almost died in the ICU that night. As fr the sexual part of it, my mother is now on medication and the "spankings" have become less, but not gone. But I started my period this march. It was VERY HEAVY and wouldn't stop. I became Aneimic and was taken to an OBGYN. She took one look at me and said "Oh my god, I'm admitting her. You're very lucky you brought her in just in time." She admitted me to the hospital and long story short, she came in a couple days later to my room and asked if i had ever been physically or sexually assaulted. Because the beating of my genital area and buttocks may have resulted in my abnormal period. Now I must stay on birth control pills for the rest of my life to keep me alive. I am not able to have children and phycologically I do not beleive I will ever be able to have sex enjoyably. I worry for my little brother because he and I and my cousins (who are abused by my uncle) are all social outcasts. I will never have a normal life thanks to her and I cannot get the tears out of my eyes. I love my brother and cousins so much! I cannot bear to see them hurt! :'(

Oct 25, 2010
by: Anonymous

Please note the intervention link on the left of this page, and my God, please use it if you see the need. My heart goes out to the young girl here who was abused. Honey, you and your brother, please go get some counseling so you can have a happier and healthier life.

Also, please anyone who wants to report abuse, use this link or for the U.S. call
1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453)

Nov 08, 2010
Most descriptions of spanking are fake
by: Anonymous

Just be aware that many or most of the stories you can read about parents spanking children in various places on the internet, are fantasies written by fetishists and not real descriptions of spankings.

It isn't always easy to tell which of them are fantasy and which ones are real, but often it is. When the stories or descriptions get very detailed, that is one big clue. Parents who really do spank, very seldom go into details about how they do it. Quite the oposite, they tend to reveal as little as possible, because they don't want anyone to find out who they are.

From Darlene - Webmaster: Just to be clear, even if you don't believe what you called a "story" in the article I've referred to above, that doesn't change the fact that many parents DO spank in the way described in that article. Parents who DO use this form of so-called discipline are setting themselves up for possible charges of sexual assault. THAT fact is what was addressed above.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Nov 14, 2010
adult/parents who brain wash their children
by: maurice

4 6 8 10etc: 3 5 7 9 113tc: year old children are very vunerable and totally innocent in what there parent's tell them: Loving and cherishing a child is not teaching them if they behave in such a manner or what we as your parents is wrong your bare bottom will feel the effects of my hand and what ever as a form of correction and discipline to help you to be a good child fro mammy and daddy guardians: Any one child receiving such a form of discipline is abused: God knows there is generatiuons of children who were humiliated, abused, both sexually and physically in this form of correction by their parents: Guardians: or intitutional brain washing: are and have the effects of it still to be healed: Fake: in the telling I doubt that very much because each vunerable child/adolecent who received this form of punishment in the name of discipline admit it sure effects their thinking as what being a normal thinking adult is after such brain washing as a child believeing their parents guardians to be right have long lasting effects: Counselling is the surest way to put it all in perspective: Darlene has put this form of so called discipline in it's true clear thinking: That it is ABUSE on the two accounts of Sexual and Physical: I know I was one of those innocent vunerable children who was brain washed into accepting and believeing drop you trousers and bend over: I believe all the stories I have read and what people have shared with me: Be assured Fake is the last word I would use in their discription of the effects of such humiliation and degrading the innocent child body: Thank you Darlene for your Website and your professional and real advice and help to us all who were spanked on the bare bottom:

Dec 15, 2010
Lingering Effects Similar to Sexual Assault
by: Anonymous

I had a very vicious bare-bottom spanking at the age of 9/10 together with my sister. She has blocked the incident out of her mind, although she remembers other difficult incidents, but not as humiliating as that one. My mother was not present or aware (I don't think) of the bare-bottom incident.

We are both in our late 30s now and have dealt with deperession and are both in psychotherapy. Several times our mother has wanted to know if anyone ever "sexually abused" us. I am just beginning to get to the heart of the humiliation factor in this, and how it has impacted me in my life. I recall the incident and having had an "out of body" experience at the time - as if trying to protect myself from it. I can read the phrase "sexual assault" and nod my head...I don't think it's an exaggeration to use that label when a Father (in particular) bare-bottom spanks his daughters.

I don't and have never had a normal sex life - one where I feel comfortable with myself. I know this kind of abuse has had a lingering effect on my life.

Jan 29, 2011
We must keep speaking out against abuse in all forms
by: maurice

When I read this once again: Darlene by bringing to the fore once again the wrongness of undressing a child/adolecent/teenager for a beating or spanking on the bare bottom: It is even more humiliation and total dis-respect of the individuals dugnity: Many children/teenagers nowadays are very much aware of their nakedness at an earlier age. More conscious too that when that is done in the name of discipline is wrong: Sadly still I am hearing that spanking/beating is still a form a good number of parents use to be in charge of their children: Cherishing and loving their children is still the norm for the greater percent of parents and guardians of he young: Thankfully I am not hearing os educational institutions using the cane as a deterrent to unruly children: With greater awareness spanking is an outmoded form of discipline: Darlene's site with her expertise in the whole area of abuse is a winner for each of us her visitors: Especially those of us who know what a spanking or beatings on the bare bottom is all about: It has benefitted me not because once I realized my abuser was surely a pervert, a liker of all things sexual especially when at every opportunity he would undress me and the other boys in his care at all stages of our growth as young boys and adolecents: Once my innocence was informed that the undressing of children and teenager had long term effects evn more than the pain of the punishment: My human dignity was abused by that action alone: As indeed every childs dignity is: Because all children as I was are totally innocent when it comes to their being exposed by Parents or who-ever: Thankfully again the greater percent of Parents have a huge respect for their children and help them to know the facts about their bodies and their sexuality: thankfully too many teenagers in particular value and respect their bodies enough never to allow any one to abuse it in any way: So great progress has been made in human relationships and valueing the dignity of everyone: But Thanks to Darlene's site I like many of her visitors have been helped in our healing from abuse by her sincere and loving explanitory comments: The all important reality I read in all her comments is the knowledge she is a victim into victory after her horrific child abuse: Thank You Darlene

Feb 22, 2011
Sexual stimulation caused by spanking
by: Anonymous

The sexual effects of spanking and corporal punishment, when applied to the buttocks, has long been known about, and was first brought to attention by Freud in the 1920s. Since then many psychologists have written about the subject, and concluded that the application of corporal punishment to the anal region (which for centuries had been considered the safest and most appropriate place, especially for children and adolescents) is actually very dangerous, causing sexual stimilation of an unhealthy nature and suffusing and corrupting a child/adolescent?s developing sexuality. It was this knowledge which contributed to the banning of corporal punishment (which usually took the form of caning the buttocks) in UK schools in 1987.

Feb 28, 2011
The more convincing the truth about spanking or beatings on the buttocks
by: maurice

Sadly after years of accepting that I was abused through this form of so called discipline they fine and truthful comments of so many hear especially Your Darlene and certain the most recent one of the 22nd Feb: I whole heartedly agree that it has deep repercussions of a sexual nature and thus create more confusion in dealing with the effects of a bare bottom beating: If only those who performed this form of discipline knew how so many would suffer from the effects for years and maybe carry these effects forever: Great I (we) are helped by such knowledge and empathy of so many on the effects of spanking an innocents child bottom: Thanks: it helps me to get on with my life thinking positive and letting go whenever:

Mar 22, 2011
My Story
by: An Abuse Survivor

It is indeed a form of sexual abuse to strip your child naked and beat them, I am speaking from my own experience and this is my story.

I was routinely stripped and beaten naked by my mother until I reached the age of 18, when it became "illegal" to beat me. These beatings were for simple issues such as leaving soap suds in the sink after washing dishes, not turning off the coffee pot after making my parents a cup of coffee or just looking at my mother "wrong".

Of course, the beatings hurt but what hurt more was the embarassment of having to take my clothes off as I was a maturing and developing young woman and I felt so horrified to be nude in front of my mother. My father knew of the beatings and did nothing to stop my mother and enganged in the activity with her when I was 17.

Along with the beatings included years of emotional and other forms of physical abuse. My mother also routinely walked around the house naked until I was well into my teens. I was a prisoner in my home and my every movement was monitored and regulated by my mother who set many "rules" for me.

The neighbors knew of my situation and frequently asked me if I needed help, at the time I felt that if I told, then my situation would become worse as she would only lie or take it out on my family.

I was a good child who did nothing to deserve the treatment that I received.

When I entered my early 20s I left my family and never looked back and have been estranged from them for more then 20 years now.

Although I am an accomplished adult, in my mind, I am still that little girl who was made to feel so worthless. When I left my family, I was emotionally dead. It's taken more than 20 years to learn how to feel happy and to feel that I am worthy.

I didn't have children of my own as I didn't want any biological ties to my family.

Remember my story, the next time that you hit your child.

A Survivor.

Mar 24, 2011
by: maurice

Reading once more the effects of a spanking with humiliation and embarrassment from An Abuse Survivor: You are so courageously honest after all these years: This is the truth for many who were spanked: I sure can identify with it: more than I can admit a sixty four; If your mother only knew; if my dean of discipline only knew the effects they were instilling in our minds and the repercussions being spanked would have on our minds and the adverse effects it had on us (me) I had travelled through many a dark year before acknowledgeing and accepting the humiliation and the embarrassment of being naked each time in my adolecent years: I still have flash-backs and your telling of the truth assures me I am not the only one; Thankfully like you I am a fullfilled person now and have been all my life once I dealt with it through counselling and talking it through with people who could empatise and be a real positive, constructive adviser in helping me have a healthy mind in a healthy body: Darlene: Much, Much thanks: Hi one all visitors here: Thank you too: You all have been an empowering fact for me to be able to live a full complete life after being humiliated: embarrassed; with the painfull consequenses of a bare bottom spanking:

Mar 26, 2011
by: Wrath

When I was growing up, my mother would sometimes spank us bare. It felt violating and humiliating and I ended up not liking my mother to touch me at all. One day when I was 10 and my body was starting to change, I did something she didn't like and she made me pull down my pants and underwear in front of my brother and sister. I tried to say no, but didn't have a choice.

Less than a year later, a high school boy who sometimes stayed with our family started to touch me inappropriately. This felt yucky and wrong in a way that wasn't all that different from the way it felt when my mother had made me pull my pants down. This went on for maybe 12-18 months.

When I was 15, my mom got a job where she went around to schools and spoke to other people's children about how the parts of their bodies that were covered by their swimsuits were private and they had a right to say no to bad touch. This made me feel deeply angry and cynical, though this is the first time I have been able to articulate these feelings.

It does seem like my sexuality got messed up. In my mind, sex and pain and humiliation are inextricably linked. I don't get into S&M but it's hard to deal with physical intimacy. Sometimes I feel sad and angry about this.

About six months ago, I posted to a social networking site that spanking kids bare didn't seem like a good idea since it was important for them to learn about private parts. A poster said that she did it to her daughter and accused me of being a "pervert."

I went after her like a heat-seeking missile. She wasn't a particularly skilled flame warrior; her tactics were limited to calling me names and making obviously empty threats.

She wasn't tech-savvy enough to cover her tracks online, so it was easy to find posts where she'd commented enthusiastically about sadomasochistic fan fiction. I found a post to a mailing list that she probably didn't realize was publicly archived when she mailed it. In it, she was talking about how her fiancee spanked her "to tears."

A few weeks ago, she tried attacking some other people online who dared to have opinions that she disagreed with. They quickly found what I'd found. Some of them went further than I had, accusing her of sexually getting off on spanking her daughter.

Part of me saw a troubled, damaged woman but the other part of me saw a bully who cared more about power and control than about her daughter's well-being and I felt white-hot fury.

From Darlene - Webmaster: In keeping with the theme of this website, I've edited some of this post before publishing it.

Mar 27, 2011
by: Wrath

Sorry, Darlene, didn't mean to violate any policies. But is it normal for people who've experienced difficult things to get angry and even aggressive in certain triggering situations? People here seem to be very honest, but that's not something that gets talked about a lot here.

From Darlene - Webmaster: Yes, it is normal for people who've experienced difficult things to get angry, to rage, and to become aggressive. Visitors talk about their anger and rage here all the time. And they also on occasion share their aggression. But when we take pleasure in the aggression we've shown, no matter how justified it may seem in the moment, we have become the abuser we abhor so much, even when the abuse we inflict is not considered illegal. No matter what we've lived through, there comes a time when we have to decide the kind of human being we're going to be. Are we going to be the kind of human being that joyfully inflicts pain into the world as a result of what we endured...or are we going to rise above it and bring peace and love into the world in order to ensure more of what we endured does not get repeated.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Mar 28, 2011
by: Wrath

Thanks, Darlene. I'd meant to be honest about my own behavior rather than gleeful, because the story did not paint me in a particularly flattering light. A troubled woman who tried to bully me online became a symbol of some things that had happened to me when I was a child. It's hard to see symbols as human beings, and at the time, it seemed like the best way to avoid becoming a victim again was to annihilate her.

This is probably a dangerous way to think. This particular situation only involved aggressive online behavior. But sometimes when human beings or groups of human beings become symbols of past wrongs, the outcomes can be much worse. From what I understand, some of this mentality has been present in genocides.

From Darlene - Webmaster: Recognition is the key; and based on what you've revealed here, you're well on your way. I wish you continued healing and all the best on your road toward recovery.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Apr 09, 2011
To "Relieved to Not Be Alone"
by: Watcher

For a while, I've been tracking behavior on a large social network, and what you describe may be less uncommon than you think. Some of the users I've seen display interests, wall posts, and even cartoons related to children getting spanked. The sexual element is quite obvious.

Some of them even show up in parenting-related forums and post enthusiastically about spanking kids. In fact, I wondered whether the post Darlene mentioned at the beginning could have been an example of this. Sometimes when you do a search on certain users, you see them showing up repeatedly and posting detailed anecdotes about spanking kids bare. That's not a pattern of behavior that you'd see with normal parents.

It's really good that you recognize your feelings and have committed to never victimizing a child. I'd also strongly recommend that you never download images or video depicting real children being spanked, even out of curiosity. That wasn't intended as an insult - you sound like a good person, and I would hate to see your life ruined. (It's sort of ironic, I guess - getting caught with photos or video of kids getting spanked could result in a prison sentence and sex offender status, but there are usually no legal consequences for people actually doing it to kids.)

Apr 09, 2011
Healing is ongoing: Always believe in YOURSELF
by: maurice

I believe healing from abuse in any form is a daily working at to erase the negative once we decide I was abused: Continually living my life to the full by thinking positive: acting positive and being positive can at times take alot of constructive thoughts to put my abuse in total perspective NOW all these years later: Darlene's site has helped me enormously as in her total honesty speaking words of love, care, concern, trust, friendship, helpful empowering words have encouraged me to think always positive when something in the media on abuse is headlines: triggers off an emotion in me at the thought that some adult degraded my innocence, my vunerability and my dignity by his power-control over me: Thankfully I erase as quickly as I can the humiliation I even feel now knowing this sicko in the name of discipline got pleasure out of ordering me to undress for a spanking when in my presious years of adolecence: exposing me and my tenderness of parts to a leather which he layed on my bare bottom: I have no doubt in my my mind that it was sexual abuse equally as being physical: I had to work at with the help of a counsellor, trusted friends and the many who have said to me I would never spank my children or degrade them in any way: I love and cherish their dignity as my children: Sadly spanking was the norm way in the so called form decipline in many homes and institutions through the years: 50's 60's when I and many had to accept it without questioning: Children should be seen and not heard: Spare the rod and spoil the child: Darlene MUCH THANKS your site has benefitted me making me feel truly empowered turning my pain into positive constructive thinking and loving myself and my body giving me charge of the NOW time of my life: There is a full life to be lived after abuse so all LOVE YOURSELF: Let go and be in charge of having a healthy mind in a healthy body even at 64.

Jul 20, 2011
effects of spanking
by: Anonymous

at nine years of age I was assaulted by my father. He was in the garage with my brother, I shouted out of the window could I go out and play with a friend (we lived in a very safe small community). I thought he answered yes. 30 mins later he found me in the next street, he was clearly in a rage. He shouted at me to go home, pulled me up the stairs, pushed me against the wall of my bedroom, pulled down my trousers and underclothes and started spanking me. I was frightened, screaming, confused and humiliated. Even at the age of nine I knew what humiliation meant. I'll never forget that feeling.

The effects of this, since that day I have refused to allow him to touch me. I cant bear for him to be near me. I'm now in my mid 40s. If I'd been assaulted by a stranger it would have been better. It's my body and no one had the right to do that to me - at any age. So don't hit your children.

Sep 06, 2011
It is abuse
by: Anonymous

When I got my bottom smacked once as a child by a female school teacher,and a few times by my grandmother, I felt violated and traumatized, and absolutely lost any trust I had in an adult. I ended up loathing school and hated going to my grandmothers house. I was, quite frankly, disturbed as a child, and I believe that the smacks I got absolutely contributed to that. I ended up drawing pictures of 'Tom Sawyer' bending over getting the cane by his school teacher.
Now when I mean that I felt violated, I mean sexually assaulted. It was my BOTTOM. A private area of my body. It may be the softest part of my body but THAT DOESN'T EXCUSE IT. And I wish so much that everyone could understand this. The private area doesn't just mean the Vagina and Penis. The private area ALSO includes the backside.
I felt all alone in the world as a child. Now I resent all private schools, have decided to home-school my children, and when I see a parent smack their child, I literally feel myself begin to shake and that I'm going to be sick. Rarely do I stay calm when I see a child getting smacked. When I found out that there are schools in Australia smacking their students, not just in the U.S and some other countries, I felt like it was the end of the world. No words can describe my disgust. Nollamara Christian Academy should have CPS remove the children attending that school and schools like it.
So just because this girl is the daughter of these parents, doesn't make what they did right. What they did to her is absolutely disgusting. It is sexual harrassment through and through. No matter what excuse they make the fact still stands that they were violating her body. They shouldn't have planned to smack her bottom and the fact that they did is disturbing. It is perverted. Those parents should be faced with charges, and quite frankly they should be in prison. But what I find most sad about all of this, is that so many people who have been smacked/spanked/hit/beaten by their parents or whoever was meant to be taking care of them defend it and call it discipline. They say it didn't do them any harm WHEN IT DID.
Spanking ISN'T discipline. It is an act of aggression, and sexual harrassment.
Smacking and spanking, beating and hitting, ANY form of physical violence, is a sin, and it isn't Christian to hit a child in any way. The Bible does not say you have to hit your children. I swear if one more person says to me 'Spare the rod spoil the child e.c.t' I will scream at them. It just isn't right.

Sep 07, 2011
Always share your true feelings on this:
by: maurice

It is only when we share our true feelings in total trust and honesty as we can on Darlene's Safe Haven (Home) site that we acknowledge spanking is assault on the innocent child/adolecent/teenager: Yes: it is humiliation: It is taking from the child his/her dignity as a venuerable child: Yes, many children are aware of their nakedness at a very early age: So I can well understand the true feelings expressed here: I was: but kept it to myself because every other boy was beaten in this way I thought is was normal: My abuser was a hypocrite, pervert as he would not allow us undress for a shower without putting a towel around us to put on trunks and then put the same towel around us while we took them off after the shower: Then later he would order me to take down my pyjamas and beat me on the bare bottom; He used many different forms of exercises so that he could watch our genetalia and bare botttoms: Yes: we were aware of the beautifulness and sacredness of our bodies from a very young age: Thanks again for your honesty in shareing your true feelings: I am helped with such honesty in my healing and accepting I was abused physically and my dignity taken from me:

Feb 16, 2012
once, never again
by: that guy

I was spanked on the bare bottem once as a young child. My little brother and I were messing around after bed time and we had broken something. I was completetly off guard, my dad just reached behind me, lifted up my nightie and slapped me. I remember my little brother cried when he got slapped, I simply glared at them and said "I hate you". I think that unnerved them. I was 6, he was 4 I think. They never hit me like that again. My mother slapped me across the face once and my dad pushed me out of a room and up the stairs quite roughly. My other little brother is made to sit on the "naughty step" if he misbehaves. This works wonders and he rarely is bad now. I am now 13. If my parents hit me now, I can assure you I would hit them back.

Mar 19, 2012
the emotional manipulation was even more evil and deviant than the beatings
by: Anonymous

My father always spanked or whipped me in EXTREME anger over the smallest, sometimes imagined, offenses. Although not known as an alcoholic, he was a closet drinker. Literally kept his supply hidden in his closet to preserve appearances. Bare-bottom every time. A few times after he dragged and knocked me to the room, his face red and contorted as if he were possessed by demons, he would literally tear off my pants and underwear and bend me over, screaming at me the whole time over really the most trivial things, most of which I wouldn't even use 'time out' on for my children. But the worst, most damaging thing, he did came afterwards in the consolation and make-up part of his covert sexual game. The 'it's ok honey, daddy still loves you" part, during which fake fatherly love was issued to go along with the holding and touching. I hope I never understand evil that goes that deep, to manipulate his own child's desperate need for fatherly affection, after the violent sexualized spanking, all in the name of a perverted sexual rush. I think he had to know what the long term effects of that game would be on a male child, he just cared more about his twisted desires. He also gave sexual hair cuttings, when he would push up and grind between my legs, control the position of my head with a firm grasp on my jaw and barked orders, "LOOK UP I SAID", while his right hand held the clippers but mostly just ran through my hair. Yea I remember details because he did it into my mid-teens, no fetish here. When he would come out from between my legs to cut the side and back, he would rub his erection all along my inner thigh on the way out and back in. I feel like vomiting right now. As an adult with plenty of issues, I confronted him about the spankings and haircuts, his sexual intent and all, and the verbal abuse constantly putting me down. He did not confirm or deny details but admitted he was wrong, teared up a little and seemed genuinely remorseful, so I forgave him. He's feeble now but I'll never help him in any way. I forgave him for MY sake, and then I moved on with my life that has been more and more stable and productive ever since.

Apr 21, 2012
spanking is sexual
by: Anonymous

If you don't think it's in any way sexual to pull down a teenage girl's pants and slap her naked private parts (aka her butt), or repeatedly whack/hit her a** with a paddle... Then you need to do some research.

Go to google and do an internet search using spanking keywords and you'll spend a few hours checking out the huge number and variety of BDSM porn that involves spanking adult women.

If it's done on video to an 18 year old teen girl, it's porn. If it's done without continued informed consent then it's sexual assault. If it's done to a 16 year old teen girl, then it's "normal" and "socially acceptable"? Come on, the claim is just too inconsistent - it's absurd.

Frankly, I find it hard to believe that a man stare at his teenage daughter's naked a** and slap/paddle her a**, and not in the slightest way get off on it. It's absurd.

Apr 30, 2012
Stripped Naked
by: Brian

To me the combination of being stripped naked and then beat does constitute child abuse. My mother would strip me naked and beat me with a belt, ruler, spoon or stick. I do not understand all the effects that this has had on me but i know this should never happen to a child. It may not be the physical damage that is the abuse. The emotional scars prove to be a lot longer lasting and far more damaging.

Jun 21, 2012
by: arachne

I class these parents as sex offenders.

Jun 29, 2012
Here's something for all of you spankers...
by: Anonymous

I wanted to share something with everyone-but it is implied at people who spank their children.

I am a 32 year old woman, who grew up receiving nearly-daily naked/ bare bottom spankings all throughout my early childhood, into my teen years. I do realize that I am a "sinner," and children are going to do their share of wrong in life. But I must honestly admit, I don't ever remember doing so many wrong things, that would lead to spankings everyday-and to be truthful, I was always afraid to ever do wrong. But somehow, I still ended up with those daily, angry, meant-to-really-hurt spankings; mostly from my father.

Now here's the catch: I've never suffered any further abuse from another man in these adult years of my life-and reason being, is because I can barely look another man in the eye, let alone stand comfortably near one for very long. I've pretty much given up on thinking I could ever actually hold a real-life relationship with another man. In the process of my spankings, i was actually programmed to be afraid of men; to feel that I would never be safe around them. This is where I am today. I don't label myself a lesbian-I KNOW I wasn't born THAT way-I was just left here, now, with these feelings that I just can't shake.

So in case any "spankers" didnt get the drift from this comment already, be careful in how you you think you should and do train your child. It can have serious consequences that actually will leave your child lost, hurt, and worse off later than they would have been if you hadn't been so eager to spank. The later damage will be far worse than the pain you make them feel with a paddle, while trying to get your point across.

An adult spanking a child, naked , half-naked or not, makes that adult look like a real crazy lunatic/idiot. Get a grip you spankers. -Laurie

Sep 05, 2014
it should be stopped
by: tania

i think spanking does not help to improve discipline.. when i was in 11th standard, i was caned in my bare bottom by my teacher.. it was not a good experience..

Sep 19, 2014
Any age can experience sexual feelings and deep hurt
by: Anonymous

I started master-bating at age 6 due to spankings i received. Those times i received them were humiliating angering and scary and i have VIVID memories of them although i DO NOT remember what i did wrong.

I have grown up with sexual problems because of these spankings , and my poor parents didnt know they were doing anything bad to me.

I WISH WISH WISH, the word would get out of what you could be doing to your children because spanking is still so common and it is VERY hard for me not to expect the worst for a child when i see them misbehaving at a grocery store. I pray their parents wont spank them.

People who don't take this seriously are those who haven't experienced it. And I pray their children dont either. Because they will never know if they caused their child trama until it is too late.

Mar 14, 2015
by: Egirl

My parents hit me with switches and belts naked. I feel like if I tell them no I will get whipped longer.

Jan 26, 2016
Sad, but true
by: Anonymous

This article really hits home for me. I am in my fifties, but I have never been able to forget one or two of the spankings (beatings) I received as a child. There are better ways of disciplining children. Even if there were not, spanking should be made illegal simply because some parents take it to an extreme.

From about age 4 to 15, I received whippings for behavior that my parents deemed bad or unacceptable. On one or two occasions, I did something serious. The other times, my misconduct was minor indeed.

Usually, when I got whipped it was deliberately done in front of my whole family. My family included Mom, my two sisters, and my younger brother. I would be forced to take off my pants in front of my family in the living room. I will never forget the embarrassment of having to stand in front of everyone in my jockey shorts while my father told everyone why I was being spanked. He would than make me bend over his knee (even at age 15) and he would whip me with either a paddle or a switch. Sometimes, my briefs came off. Sometimes they stayed on. I would struggle not to show emotion, but he would deliberately whip me until I couldn't hold back my tears. The shame I felt being displayed this way and crying in front of my family was just awful. Please parents, don't abuse your children this way.

Sep 22, 2016
Whipped on penis
by: John

Getting spanked naked by my mom was bad enough, but when I was about 8 she started whipping my penis as well as my butt. She'd use the belt, and whip my bare penis just as hard as my butt. It hurt so much.

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