Sexual Child Abuse: Male vs Female Offenders

by John James
(Los Angeles, California, USA)

One thing that outrages me as a survivor is that dead-headed double standard that is common (EVEN HERE!) with respect to Female Sex Offenders. Teacher-RAPISTS are called Teacher-LOVERS and are said to "FALL IN LOVE" OR "HAVE A RELATIONSHIP" with their prey. In fact, these ruthless and merciless rapists are RAPISTS who RAPE their prey. To call rape 'LOVE' or "RELATIONSHIP" or "AN EDUCATION" is to rape boys twice...once by the perverted predator and once by the ignorant and reverse-sexist society that coddles and condones and often encourages the predator.

Since this is one of the most credible sources on child sexual abuse, please correct these entries. Please show how societies and authorities rape survivors with double standards like these and please call for single standards for female sex offenders. One female sex offender in California who raped and murdered a little girl recently indulged in the most convincing sorrow-mongering I have seen in court. For those who didn't know any better we would see HER as the victim here.

Somehow we need to demand that women and men become able to call and challenge this kind of emotional manipulation that female predators use to escape justice. To do that we need knowledge that shows how women like her all too often manipulate the system to either escape justice or to gain ridiculously low (and reverse-sexist) sentences as compared to those for men who commit similar crimes.

From Darlene: You are very passionate about this cause, John. And I sense you are in a great deal of pain. I admire your passion and I feel for the pain that you've had to endure.

I agree with your position; there is a double standard with regard to male and female sex offenders. And I can understand why you see my site as feeding into that double standard.

For the benefit of my other visitors, what John is taking issue with is the appearance of a double standard in the way male and female sex offenders are portrayed on this site with respect to the information pages. As I said, I can understand why he feels this way.

The female sex offender page relates specifically to a study done on female sex offenders that resulted in "groups" listed (study conducted by Rudin, et al). The Teacher/Lover category is what John is taking issue with, especially as it compares to the male sex offender page, which refers to males in one category as Child Rapist. More follows in my comments.

A Video Reading by Darlene BarriereNote from Darlene: I regret that I can no longer continue the practice of commenting on visitor submissions to the degree I have in the past, as I am currently writing a book on healing from child abuse. I ask that you please read my post of June 24, 2009 titled Announcement Regarding my Comments for a complete explanation. I welcome you to follow my progress on my Facebook page at Healing from Child Abuse. When you get there, don't forget to click onto the Become a Fan link. I do hope to hear from you there.

Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited, and could result in being banned from making further comments on this site.

Comments for Sexual Child Abuse: Male vs Female Offenders

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Jul 12, 2009
Male vs female sex offenders on this site...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

The information on the male sex offender and female sex offender pages come from different sources. The male sex offender categories are widely accepted in the field. The female sex offender grouping is based on data compiled for a study, which I included in order to show the difference in the way male and female offenders are seen, even in the field of psychology. I've included the information as a way to relay what those in field are working on and how they interpret the results of their findings. I've included these categories verbatim, but have also included a paragraph in order to make it clear there IS a double standard:

Despite the double standard regarding teacher-student sexual liaisons--which tends to see girls as victims and boys as fortunate--many boys will be damaged by such relationships; the younger they are, the more damage they are likely to experience (Frank 2000).

I also immediately followed the segment with the following statement, boldfaced in red:

Clearly, the sexual abuse of children and youth must continue to be unacceptable whether the perpetrator is male or female.

I agree that we need to change the system and deal with the societal biases we have between male and female offenders. I also believe that to exclude information from this website on the basis of a perception that that information plays into those societal biases is a mistake; I seek only to inform that the biases DO exist. I would however consider a more explanatory paragraph if there was one that would adequately explain the purpose in having the data included.

John, I do hope that your voice will be among many voices that will seek change. And I hope to someday see your name attached to legislation that will ensure male and female sex offenders are treated under one standard in the justice system. That would be turning pain into power; and you have that in you. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this pervasive issue with my visitors and me.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Jul 12, 2009
Great Posts John & Darlene
by: jwc

John,your article on Sexual Child Abuse: Male vs Female offenders is one of the best I have seen.

It definitely highlights the fact a double standard exists when it comes to a Male sex offender (rapist) and a female sex offender (lover).

However, I do think that when you read Darlene's pages on this subject you may have missed the notes where she did mention that a double standard exists.

This is pointed out in her comments to you.

Darlene's site as you have correctly pointed out is "one of the most credible sources on child sexual abuse" on the web. In addition I find her very open and fair minded. She deals with males and females on an equal basis and in my mind at least has no bias either way.

That is clearly demonstrated by her posting of your article.

Great subject matter for this site, John.

I too hope you carry on your crusade to eliminated this double standard. I believe she dropped you a subtle hint that she is willing to include, as she says "a more explantory paragraph if there was one that would adequately explain the purpose in having the data included."

Jul 12, 2009
Scott Canada
by: Survivor

I believe I was a victim of sexual assault by a female teacher 36 years ago. It was clearly physical assault for sure but I also believe it was sexual assault. I believe she, this woman, was and is a sexual sadist. Of course this is just my opinion. What she did to me has seriously effected my relationships with woman/people. I do think she enjoyed what she was doing because she repeated it again and again with no one to stop her. Of course for the details you will have to go back and find my "story." Once read, it would be up to the reader to decide if this was sexual assault or not, just my opinion. Yes, I believe I am a survivor of a sexual assault by a female teacher. These .."women"..if you can call her that, have been around for years. What really saddens my soul is thinking of the next little boy that she would have had access to once she had "finished" with me, and what of the little ones before me. I cant help wondering how many of those men committed suicide because of the dirty memories burnt into their soul.I often wonder just how many drug addicts and alcoholics are/were in my community as a result of this sick ,perverted teacher. I wonder if shes dead yet? I hope she suffered. Oh ,I'm sorry ,was that too harsh.Perhaps I should grow a pair of big boy pants and get over it right? NEVER!! How many lives did she ruin? And what did it prove? Did it make me a good boy? Did it make me a well adjusted adult,a contributing member of society? Look what it has done to me...I'm on here aren't I?

Jul 12, 2009
To Scott:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Scott, you think so little of yourself. You may be "here", but allow me to share with your how powerful your presence is by being here on this site:

You have shared of yourself and thus have encouraged others to share that have endured similar to you.

You have commented on stories that have helped those visitors to see that they are not alone.

You have passed along your thoughts on a multitude of articles and commentaries that have furthered the message that each was intended to present.

You have, my dear man, have, through all that you've experienced, endured and passed along helped to make others see that what happened to you was very wrong and that there is no place for it in todays world. In other words, Scott, you have turned pain into power. That's the contribution you have made by being "here"; and I for one am blessed by that extraordinary contribution.

So the next time you think of yourself as lacking in the ways of society, just come back here and read what is in my heart about you, Scott.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Jul 13, 2009
Abuse is Abuse Male and Female must take equal blame for their actions.
by: maurice

Have no doubt John, you touched on a very genuine and sensitive subject Male Vs Female with Darlene and all her genuine and honest visitors. You rightly say it is one of the most credible sources on child abuse. I with her many visitors agree wholeheartedly with that. Since arriving on the site I have observed that she certainly empathises with each of her visitors equally male or female. In her comment to you she certainly spoke from her heart. Abuse, no matter what form it takes kills the child/teenager/adolescent innocence at their most vulnerable stage in maturing and growing. I certainly support your proposition that there should be no distinction made between males or females who abuse when they are brought before the authorities and courts. Sadly the world over society does still takes the view that the female is the more gentle of the human species not capable of wrong doing or abuse which as you and I know is a total mis-interpretation of them. John, good on you, keep up your campaign. Already you have evoked genuine support for your appeal on Darlene's site. With her and all her visitors you can be assured we all want equal sentences for the male and female who abuses. Darlene certainly respects you for bringing this to the notice of all her visitors. Always believe in yourself, continue the healing process from your own abuse, Be brave, be strong for your own good, Value your self worth. I am special, I can accomplish anything I want for me in my life. Certainly you have started something very near to each of our hearts having been abused. We all want what you want. Equal sentencing and no special treatment for the female abuser. Thank You.

Jul 13, 2009
Amazing posts
by: Nikki S

Hi John,

You made a good point and yes its everywhere. Abuse is abuse whether a female or male and I find it has the same impact, at least it did with me.

I was devastated when I tried to do something legally against my abusers when the judge (a male) said to me, "It's unfortunate that you went through this. However, it's not like you were a boy that was abused by a man. You're a woman and you were predestined to have sex with a man anyways. It just happened a little sooner than most and that's unfortunate!"

I felt violated all over again to say the least. It matters not if you're a male or female victim or predator. Abuse is Abuse and it all has the same side effects...complete devastation.

Sep 09, 2009
Thank you Nikki S
by: John James


Thank you for understanding. You were raped twice one by your perp and once by the judge your neigbors paid to do justice for you. I feel as bad for you as I do for those of us boys and men raped by women who face double, triple, or quadruple rapes when we try to be heard.


Sep 09, 2009
Double standards, reverse-sexism, false statistics
by: John James


Thanks for trying to listen to me. I'd like you to travel over to the Canadian Children Rights Council:Female Sex Offenders website to see more on this. I'd also like you to google The Superflous Man:Cheerleading for Rapists so you can better understand that men and boys face some separate social, political, and legal obstacles that women largely (Nikki's case aside) no longer face. By all accounts female-male sex abuse is severely under-reported, ignored, and considered trivial. That makes your 96% male-4% female rape stats utterly absurd. I need content that makes distinctions between male and female rape, and that highlights serious reverse-sexism in research, reporting and responses so that we boys, men know what we face.

Jan 10, 2010
Female Offenders
by: BloggerT

Darlene and all,

If you are looking for further information, studies, research, and data on female offenders you can find them on a site called What about when mom is the abuser (it is all one word). With the new report from the Justice Department about 90% of the juveniles reporting sexual victimiation saying the abuser was a female this might help to spur more interest.

Jan 10, 2010
Their is no competition when it comes as to who is a winner after they have abused.
by: maurice

I sure know after all my years sharing my own story and hearin of many though the years There are no winners among those who abuse the innocent, the vunerable, the child/teenager/adolecent. John I know you don't mean There is such in what you have written but you know in your own heart anyone who abuses is wrong, wrong, very wrong. In your own heart you know that. Yes, I have been told many such incidents where female teachers were abusers and took advantage of their innocent prey. In the Class room. Abuse is Abuse John. MOTHERS?FATHERS abuse eqaully, MALE/FEMALE TEACHERS ABUSE. All caoches of teams, youth groups likewise. What percent of male or female abuse does not enter into the equation. The one who abuses is the guilty one. The winner is you and me over abuse. As Darlene put it's so rightly in re-naming her book From Victim to Victory. John keep healing and getting whatever help you feel is still neccesary for you. OK. I can, I will, I must. because I'M WORTH IT. Happy New Year. Keep a healthy mind in a healthy body John. Be more active and alive with likeminded people in sporting or cultural groups where your at. Off the bottom and out and about breathing in positiovity into your wonderful and beautiful body. era go on.

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