Relationship Violence Story From Tally

by Tally
(Missouri, USA)

This story is not mine but my best friend E's. The reason im on here is i need to know if im right in thinking her boyfriend is abusive and what i should do.

E and her boyfriend R have been dating for a little over a year. I have never really like him but lately things have gotten so bad. The other day i was invited to a pool party and i didnt want to go alone so i asked E to go with me(we dont hang out much anymore because she is always with R) R was going to the lake so she decided to go with me. she called R to tell him she was going. he said "no. i dont want you to go" E was getting angry and was like "why cant i go?" R said he didnt want her going somewhere without him. But when E got mad at him he finally gave her permission to go. He told her he didnt want her to go swimming though because a few days earlier he had told her he didnt want her to wear two pieces anymore because guys may look at her. She told him she wasnt going to go swimming. So me and E went to the party, i wanted to swim so E agreed to because she didnt want to sit by herself. We went swimming for maybe an hour, when we got out of the pool she four missed calls and one voice mail all from R. She called him back and he yelled "why didnt you answer your f**king phone?" She told him we were swimming which made him angrier. They were fighting, when they hung out he left her a voicemail crying and screaming "you said you werent going to go swimming why would you lie??.. im tired of this s**t! dont ever talk to me again!" a few minutes later he called back. He started screaming at her again and saying rude things to her. He made her tell him every guy that was there. when she tried to explain that he doesnt let her do anything he wants and doesnt trust her he yelled "shut your f***ing mouth!" so she hung up on him and started to cry and couldnt stop. He called back. This time i answered the phone he yelled at me to "give her the d*mn phone!" then our friend S took the phone he called her a "stupid b***h" that was the last phone call they had while we were at the pool party. The next night she took him back and now says to me "if i were a good friend i would support her decision" i cant though,it doesnt feel right. i told my mom and she talked to her parents who are doing nothing about it. R also punches walls when he gets angry and has a family history of anger problems. Lori has told me more than once that when they play and goof around he sometimes hurts her because he is stronger than what he thinks. Im afraid that he may become abusive if he isnt already. I dont think he has hurt her but I do think he is extremely controlling and verbally abusive. Im trying to be the best friend i can be, but i dont know if Im just crazy or if he really is harmful to her.

Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Relationship Violence Story From Tally

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Jun 12, 2010
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Your instincts are superb. This boy exhibits the classic signs of an abuser. He's controlling her and isolating her. That is NOT a healthy relationship. Your friend is wrong in her thinking. She doesn't understand what's actually happening to her. She's wrong to say that if you were a friend you'd support her decision. Don't ever support a decision that could land a friend in harm's way. In truth, you're the best kind of friend on the planet because you see the danger she's in and you won't allow it to go unchecked. The violence WILL escalate over time. E is wrapped up in the cycle of violence. Band together with all your shared friends to make sure they know what's going on with E. If you can't convince her of what kind of a relationship she is really in, turn to a school counsellor. Keep telling your parents and hers. All too often parents don't take dating violence seriously, but it definitely NEEDS to be taken very seriously. And contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). They have advocates available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week who can provide crisis intervention, escape planning, information and referrals to victims or anyone calling on their behalf. You can visit their website by copying & pasting the following URL into your browser: Your friend IS in danger, even though she doesn't realize it. You are NOT crazy. What you are is a fantastic friend. Thank you for sharing your friend's story with my visitors and me.

Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coach.
Darlene Barriere
author. speaker. survivor. coach
Talk Before Touching® Series

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Disclaimer: To the best of my knowledge the child abuse
stories on this site are true. While I cannot guarantee
this, I do try to balance the need for the submitter to be
heard and validated with the needs of my visitors.

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