Relationship Violence Story From Shayla

by Shayla
(Alaska, USA)

I was 17 and in a relationship with a man who was 34. He was sweet to me and nice. At the time I was a runaway. I had nowhere to go and he offered me a place to stay. I moved in with him. At first it was fine. I had my own room, my own bed and sometimes I slept in his bed while he was at work.


One night he came home and I was sleeping in his bed. I woke up and he was on top of me having sex with me. Then he started expecting me to have sex with him. I had nowhere else to go. He would drink every night and would get upset at me when I wouldn't do things for him. He threw a fit when I refused to give him a blow job. But I had a boyfriend at the time and that was when I just quit talking to him, and didn't want him to find out about what was happening.

I had had sex with my boyfriend and one other guy when I was 15. After this started happening I didn't know what to do. I quit caring about what people did to me. I put myself in situations, and let myself get hurt multiple times. I finally left his house and moved to live at a homeless youth center. I had gone to a party near there and was raped. Guys had tried raping me at parks, in alleys, behind buildings, in hotels, on sidewalks. It got to a point where I figured this was normal. Guys were going to do what they wanted whether you wanted it or not. I had gone and let a guy have sex with me that was 45. I didn't want to but after everything, I quit trying to fight it or say no because that frustrated them and made them aggressive. So when guys would do things to me I would just lay there and find something and space out from everything else. I didn't know what else to do. I couldn't get myself to say no. I'm working on it now.

I was proud of myself last week because this guy had stopped me and I was talking to him and he got on top of me and held me down. He tried pulling down my pants. I was almost 7 months pregnant and he held my arms down. I kept using my elbows to push him off of me. But it wasn't working. I kept saying I have to go, I have somewhere to be. He kept saying he would let me leave in a minute while he was struggling to get inside of me. I was wearing elastic band pants so he took my pants and wrapped them over his back so I couldn't turn or move so I just squeezed my knees tight around his waist and he kept telling me to relax and be quiet that he loved me and wasn't going to hurt me. He kept kissing my stomach saying he was kissing the baby and that he couldn't wait to see him. But he never got inside of me. He finally gave up after about 45 minutes of trying. BUT HE WASN'T SUCCESSFUL.

And for some reason I kept going back to the 34-year-old's house. I felt safe there in a way because it was the only place I had stayed without drugs or selling drugs. Yah he drank but he was of legal age and I didn't know where else to go but every time I went back it happened again. My boyfriend at the time I really loved him but I didn't want to tell him about anything that was happening.

Now I'm living at a house owned by the State for pregnant or parenting teens. I'm 18 now, 7 months pregnant and now I don't know who the dad is. I got back with the guy I was with before all this started happening. He still doesn't know everything that I went through and he was really upset at me for being pregnant. But hopefully we can work through what happened.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: I welcome you to follow me on my Facebook page at Healing from Child Abuse. When you get there, don't forget to click onto the Become a Fan link. I hope to hear from you there!

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Comments for Relationship Violence Story From Shayla

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Nov 02, 2009
I hope you're getting real help in the State home you're in...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

There is SO much in your story that I can't even begin to make a dent in what needs to be said, Shayla. I'll start by saying that you were sexually assaulted by every single one of the guys that you said "no" to. Period. End of story. If a guy keeps trying after you have said no, that's sexual assault. The fact that you're proud of yourself for not being penetrated by that one guy is to say that you were somehow responsible for the attack in the first place. This is wrong-thinking. I do hope that the State home you are in is providing counselling services, Shayla, because you need help to sort through all the repercussions of first, being abused in your home growing up, and now with the resulting unhealthy choices that plague your life. You're too worthy to NOT get help for yourself. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

Does Your Relationship make the Grade? by: Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From the Talk Before Touching™ Series
Does Your Relationship Make the Grade?


Nov 02, 2009
From just an other yourself.....
by: Monisha

I read your story. I am not into drugs and all but I am into what people call a perfect life. I have a family,home etc etc.. But wht people do not know is that I was sexually abused when I dint know what was happening to me. I am 20 now and I was abused by 3 people which include one female. I was supposed to be in safe family but my parents do not know about this. Well if you are out of home people ask you to have sex and if you are from a so called safe family they ask you out on a date or tell that they "love you". I initially fell into wrong hands too and used up. I always thought sleeping with someone is love like my abusers told me. I dint get any professional help in any sort to improve me. Now I have decided one thing: "No More". I wouldn't allow anyone to enter into my life. Even if my friends propose me I reject it. I know they are genuine. But I always have at the back of my mind that they are all the same. I am working on it and I am not afraid to fall in love now. Because I am strong enough to resist a guy. I have a piece of advice and I know its hard to take an advice from sm anonymous person who happened to read ur story on the net, but I just cant stop myself from telling you. I can see myself in you. Please be yourself. You are going to be a parent soon. You have got soo far and now you can get farther too. My mom's a parent when she was 16 and its really hard to be a parent at her age. Just be strong and think about your child. Dont let your child wander in the same path you are wandering. You can have a new life with your kid. You are still 18 and you have seen way too much for a kid of your age. You are atleast lucky in one way that you are not in access of your abuser, unlike children who get constantly abused by people at their house. So your life is in your hands and dont let it slip away. Be strong and all the best.

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