Relationship Violence Story From Nikki

Relationship Violence Story From Nikki

by Nikki
(Alabama, USA)

I'm 17. My boyfriend of a year tells me I'm stupid. He calls me pathetic. He always seems to point out the negative things about me. Just today at school I asked him how my hair looks. He said fine, but it's staticky and other things.

Yesterday, I was walking off from him because I couldn't take it anymore. Before I could go he grabbed my arm, and I hit two guys that were walking down the hall. Later that afternoon, I told him he bruised my arm. He didn't say anything, no sorry or anything.

He also has this thing with my nail polish. He hates it when I'm not wearing it. Today I was picking it off, and he told me, you know your painting them back, right. Well, I finally came to the conclusion to paint them back, after he pleaded with me and wouldn't let me go. He always gets mad when I don't let him get my diary or something. He begs me for it all the time. And when I don't, he calls me names and then tries to butter me up by kissing my neck. He doesn't even listen to anything I tell him. It just goes in one ear and out the other.

I love him a lot, but I'm afraid it's just going to get worse. ANY ADVICE ON WHAT TO DO....

Darlene's comments are at the link below.

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Relationship Violence Story From Nikki

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Mar 15, 2008

It WILL get worse...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Get out of this relationship, Nikki. This boy isn't expressing his love when he's doing these things to you; he's controlling you. Real love isn't like that. Real love doesn't come with bruises and ultimatums. You don't deserve the kind of treatment this boy is dishing out.

Talk to you mother about what is happening; she should be your first line of support. And tell all your friends too, especially when you break things off with him. They need to know so they can be supportive. Your school counsellor should also know what's going on. And when you do break things off, be clear with him. Don't waiver. Just come right out and tell him, "I'm breaking up with you."

Nikki, please read the other relationship violence stories on this site, but most importantly, read the comments offered for each of them. Those comments apply to you as well.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Mar 16, 2008

Get rid of him
by: Anonymous

What can I say. I'm sorry with what your going through with your boyfriend, the only advice I can give you is to break it off. You are so young and have so much ahead of you. The way he acts is extremly selfish and abusive. Please talk to your parents or a teacher, somebody who can help you break it off with this guy. You say that you love him, well let me tell you, I was "in love" at 17 aswell, and believe me, in the next few years you will grow and learn and be a totally differn't person to what you are now. You grow out of this love and move onto new people, be it in boyfriend/girlfriend relationships or otherwise. Your world is so small at 17, there is a huge world full of interesting people to discover. Don't let it pass you by and don't get caught up in no good relationships with guys. Yes we all make mistakes when it comes to guys, but you need to read the signs early on to decide wether you want to carry on in the relationship. You really should be hearing alarm bells at this point in time. Please move on from this guy. You deserve so much better in life. I really wouldn't even bother about guys at your age. Looking back I wish I didn't. Concentrate on your education and what you want for your future.
Date, but don't get into anything too serious. I didn't meet the right one for me until I was 26 and even then I was iffy about giving up my freedom as I was having so much fun. But he is a good man and treats me with respect. I wouldn't expect anything less. Be strong, be independent, know your own mind and listen to your gut instincts. The are rarely ever wrong.

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Mar 16, 2008
Rating

Submitted by: Anonymous

Title

Comment
What can I say. I'm sorry with what your going through with your boyfriend, the only advice I can give you is to break it off. You are so young and have so much ahead of you. The way he acts is extremly selfish and abusive. Please talk to your parents or a teacher, somebody who can help you break it off with this guy. You say that you love him, well let me tell you, I was "in love" at 17 aswell, and believe me, in the next few years you will grow and learn and be a totally differn't person to what you are now. You grow out of this love and move onto new people, be it in boyfriend/girlfriend relationships or otherwise. Your world is so small at 17, there is a huge world full of interesting people to discover. Don't let it pass you by and don't get caught up in no good relationships with guys. Yes we all make mistakes when it comes to guys, but you need to read the signs early on to decide wether you want to carry on in the relationship. You really should be hearing alarm bells at this point in time. Please move on from this guy. You deserve so much better in life. I really wouldn't even bother about guys at your age. Looking back I wish I didn't. Concentrate on your education and what you want for your future. Date, but don't get into anything too serious. I didn't meet the right one for me until I was 26 and even then I was iffy about giving up my freedom as I was having so much fun. But he is a good man and treats me with respect. I wouldn't expect anything less. Be strong, be independent, know your own mind and listen to your gut instincts. The are rarely ever wrong.

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Mar 18, 2008

Why?
by: Anonymous

LEAVE HIS ASS....YOU DESERVE BETTER !

Mar 19, 2008

say...
by: Anonymous

say something to someone who can do something because if your in a relationship like that then you could get hurt worse than you think.

Mar 19, 2008

Relationships
by: Anonymous

Hey Nikki I just thought that i would stop by and tell you how to get your boyfriend to stop acting like a immature little boy. I want you to ignore him and treat him the way that he treats you or either just leave him, i know that you love him and i understand it completely because i love mine and we've been together just as long but you have to show him that you aren't something to take for granted and teach him how to appreciate you.I know times can get rough along the way but always rememeber that you have God in your life and to keep praying, keep your head up and you have a blessing coming your way...

Mar 20, 2008

Please Leave Him
by: Anonymous

Nikki,
Don't you realize how "unhealthy" of a relationhsip you are in.
Anyone who harms you physically, emotionally, verbally or psychologically is not worth your time.
If he truly loved you, he would treat you with respect.
And change his ways.
I understand that you love him however he acts as though he could care less about you.
Please consider his actions. You should find happiness in your relationship.

Mar 21, 2008

DO I NEED TO MAKE U A SIGN?!?!
by: Amber

Well what the hell dont take the verbal abuse or the physical take a stand and call the cops u deserve much better than him. And u cant say u love some one who hurts u almost every day!

Mar 25, 2008

bad
by: Anonymous

i know you really like this guy, but you will find other men, you deserve to be treated with respect, not thrown around, and let him bruise your arm and not even care about you.

Mar 27, 2008

You need to leave!
by: Megan

I was in a very bad abusive realationship and i thought that i loved him and he loved me so i told myself and everyone around me it would get better. But the truth is it wont and he shouldnt control your life. i hope you leave him and i know it wil be hard but do it your way and it will work even if you need someone elses help! Good luck and be safe

Apr 07, 2008

Consider this.....
by: Judith Martinez

NIkki,
There are a lot of fish in the sea believe me. He shouldn't be the only guy on your mind. Have a girls night get some numbers while on the roll. You will feel so much better. You need to let him go. You deserve a guy that will respect you and love you for who you are not who he wants you to be. Painting your nails because he told you to. Tell him to go and paint his own nails. It might hurt to let him go, but you are only hurting yourself by having him stick around. The pain he is causing you right now is permanent. The pain of letting him go,that is temporary you should let him go. This will benefit you and the future girls to never come. They will see why you let him go and never want
to be with him. YOU DESERVE BETTER. Nobody not even vermin of the earth deserve to be treated the way that he is treating you.
Think about this for a moment, give yourself a chance at real love.
Sincerly,
Your Friend
Judith Martinez

May 02, 2008

Big Baby!
by: Elaine Riley

Hey, Nikki! I know you may not want to hear this, but I'd say you're possibly in need of a (permanent?) break from this guy.

The problem is, when we have relationships with people, we don't have a Crystal Ball to help us. People are unpredictable, and it takes time to get to know them. But you've been with your boyfriend for a year, and over this time, you'll have got to know him, and his behaviour, better. It may be hard to accept, and you may feel you love and care for this guy; but he is not really doing you any good.

You see, his behaviour is not very nice, really, is it? How do you think he would feel, if you started treating him the way he treats you? There's a good possibility that he'd be very upset, argue with you, or even want to "dump" you.

Your boyfriend sounds rather immature. He is acting like a big baby! This may be because he is insecure, afraid, jealous, or scared that you might leave him for someone "better". Whatever the reason, his behaviour has become clingy, manipulative, controlling and possessive. This clearly does not make you feel happy, and it's not really doing your boyfriend any favours either. In the end, he is risking driving you away!

I guess you have three choices:
1. Put up with it, but stay miserable. Not a good idea!
2. Leave him now. This may hurt, and you may be upset. You will need to be brave, and stay strong. You WILL eventually get over him, and may also eventually find someone who accepts you for who you are, and makes you happy.
3. Try to talk things through. If you really do not want to leave him now, but cannot bear his behaviour any more, then you need to be courageous, and tell him. Don't do this in an angry or "nitpicking" way. No, you need to be firm and assertive, telling him what you think is wrong, and giving him the chance to respond. He may surprise you, and try to behave more like an adult; you can suggest ways to make changes, and perhaps help him to talk about what makes him feel insecure (if he does); you can reassure him that if changes are made in the relationship, things are worth giving another try. BUT REMEMBER! HE MAY NOT WANT TO CHANGE! HE MAY SIMPLY NOT YET BE AS EMOTIONALLY MATURE AS YOU! If this appears to be the case after you have tried to talk things over, then the best thing to do is leave him.

Think things through, and then take action. Good luck!

Elaine a "room" on OpenSpace at Elaine's Room.

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May 02, 2008
Rating

Submitted by: Elaine Riley

Title

Comment
Hey, Nikki! I know you may not want to hear this, but I'd say you're possibly in need of a (permanent?) break from this guy. The problem is, when we have relationships with people, we don't have a Crystal Ball to help us. People are unpredictable, and it takes time to get to know them. But you've been with your boyfriend for a year, and over this time, you'll have got to know him, and his behaviour, better. It may be hard to accept, and you may feel you love and care for this guy; but he is not really doing you any good. You see, his behaviour is not very nice, really, is it? How do you think he would feel, if you started treating him the way he treats you? There's a good possibility that he'd be very upset, argue with you, or even want to "dump" you. Your boyfriend sounds rather immature. He is acting like a big baby! This may be because he is insecure, afraid, jealous, or scared that you might leave him for someone "better". Whatever the reason, his behaviour has become clingy, manipulative, controlling and possessive. This clearly does not make you feel happy, and it's not really doing your boyfriend any favours either. In the end, he is risking driving you away! I guess you have three choices: 1. Put up with it, but stay miserable. Not a good idea! 2. Leave him now. This may hurt, and you may be upset. You will need to be brave, and stay strong. You WILL eventually get over him, and may also eventually find someone who accepts you for who you are, and makes you happy. 3. Try to talk things through. If you really do not want to leave him now, but cannot bear his behaviour any more, then you need to be courageous, and tell him. Don't do this in an angry or "nitpicking" way. No, you need to be firm and assertive, telling him what you think is wrong, and giving him the chance to respond. He may surprise you, and try to behave more like an adult; you can suggest ways to make changes, and perhaps help him to talk about what makes him feel insecure (if he does); you can reassure him that if changes are made in the relationship, things are worth giving another try. BUT REMEMBER! HE MAY NOT WANT TO CHANGE! HE MAY SIMPLY NOT YET BE AS EMOTIONALLY MATURE AS YOU! If this appears to be the case after you have tried to talk things over, then the best thing to do is leave him. Think things through, and then take action. Good luck! Elaine a "room" on OpenSpace at <a href="http://www.child-abuse-effects.com/elaines-room.html">Elaine's Room</a>.

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