Relationship Violence Story From Nicole

by Nicole
(Orlando, Florida, USA)

I'm 17 years old and I have made the mistake of getting engaged. My fiancee is close to 20, I thought he was my dream come true. Currently he has been hitting me, throwing me against the walls, he tried to choke me several times, and worst of all, tried to stab me with a knife. I'm pretty much living in hell right now and I don't know what I should do. I love this kid so much, but it seems that, the more I love him, the more he hits me. I have more than 12 bruises all over my body. I have marks on my neck and my jaw. My wrist has been hurting a lot since he punched my jaw and twisted my wrist.

Today 03/10/08 is the day that he tried to stab me while I went to his house for lunch. I couldn't make it to school on time. He pulled my hair, threw me against the wall, screamed that I am a bitch, whore, and that I'm not worth anything. I can't tell my mom because she thinks I'm stronger than she was (my dad used to beat the hell out of us for 14 years; from rape, to beating, to guns to our heads). They divorced 3 years ago. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO.

I saw this website and decided to write because it is killing me. I wish that I wouldn't be so afraid, and that I could get out of here.

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Comments for Relationship Violence Story From Nicole

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Mar 11, 2008
You MUST tell...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You must tell someone about what is happening to you, Nicole. You can't be worried about what your mother thinks; it's more important that she be there for you. That's her job as your mother, but she can't do her job and be there for you unless you confide in her. Your fear of what she will think should NEVER outweigh your fear of your boyfriend/fiancee.

This man will continue to use violence against you, and it WILL escalate. The frequency will of his violent attacks WILL increase. You are in serious danger from this man, and what he is doing to you is illegal. But he will not stop! You are in the thick of the cycle of violence.

For more information and some ideas for intervention and prevention, read my article on this site titled Is This Type of Violence Considered Child Abuse?

Nicole, you don't deserve to live with this kind of abuse. But you must tell if you have any hope of stopping it. Consider contacting Child Help at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) in order to talk to a professionally trained counsellor. Child Help is staffed 24/7; someone there will listen to you and they should be able to offer you options as well.

Does Your Relationship make the Grade? by: Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From the Talk Before Touching™ Series
Does Your Relationship Make the Grade?

Mar 11, 2008
Growing Up and Getting Out
by: Sandra (Aunt Sandy)

We, as women make decisions, often based more on our hearts, than common sense.
We tend to give people, more power than they should have, to control us.
Rather it is an engagement, living together, or a marriage of twenty years, love is not supposed to hurt. Love does not leave bruises. Love wants you to do well, and does not cause extra stress, rather, lifts you up, brushes you off, and helps you carry on with life no matter the knocks.
You have all ready experienced domestic violence in your home coming up. Do you want that to be the basis of your adult life? You had no control over how an adult treated you then, but at 17, you have control now.
If you want out, really want out, personal belongings, and worldly possessions can wait, but your life can not. Women around the world die, daily at the hands of some one they love, who supposedly loved them a little too much.
If you want out, pick up the phone, and call the police. Tell them you are afraid, you are in danger, and you need them to help you out of the house, because, he is stronger and refuses to let you leave. If you do not have a phone, then wait until you are out, and approach the first officer, pay phone, security guard, fire man, counter person at the local store, and request they call the police on your behalf. Do not clue him in. Leaving is the most dangerous step, but worth the risk. In fact a friend of mine, answered a call one day, about a woman who had locked her self in the bath room at a fast food joint. She was screaming, "My husband is trying to kill me, call 9-1-1-." Granted, they were called at first because some woman was screaming and refusing to come out of the restroom, but in the end, the police assisted her to the hospital, and took her to a women's shelter, until she was able to get on her feet.
You are not alone. There are thousands of women, who have saught help. And there are thousands of people, willing to give you that help, you just have to ask, and let them know what is going on in your life.
If you have to call the police when he is in the shower, and wait by the door or on the stoop. Or while he is sleeping, or taking a nap. Or when he walks to the store for some thing. Explain you are there out of fear, against your will to the officers. Ask to go to the hospital.
And please, do not go back. He will not change, he will not grow up, he will not love you any more in the future, than at the moment he struck you.
My prayers are with you,
Aunt Sandy

Mar 12, 2008
Tell Yor Mother!!!!
by: Linda

Nicole, You don't have to take that abuse from your boyfriend. Tell your mother. What's love got to do with it? That abusive man don't know what love is. He just wants someone to take out his own insecurities on. Men who hit women are nothing but cowards. Stay away from him and tell your mother, or the cops. Take your life back.

Mar 13, 2008
Love is blind.
by: Sara

My sister has been in a relationship where her boyfriend beat her. This relationship lasted 8 years. Now she is out of it and shes told me all the stories. He would threaten her as well as threaten himself. Once, he held a gun to his head and told her that he was going to kill himself in front of her and she would have to watch. She never told me before because she thought that I would look at her as a weak person. The point is, if you get out of the situation now I think that instead of seeing yourself as a weaker person you should see yourself as a stronger person. Look at it on the bright side of things.. you wont have to go through a marriage and a divorce, or you wont be wasting away 8 years of your life.

If he loved you he would make you smile. He would find your little annoying querks to be cute and he would comfort you instead of hurting you. He would never EVER call you a whore or anything degrading like that. HE thinks that you are a weak person and thats why hes taking advantage of it.

If you do decide to get help, dont ever put the blame on yourself and wonder whats wrong with you that he cant treat you right. There is nothing wrong with you, but there is everything wrong with him. Be strong, and dont fall for the "sorry, please forgive me" line. I wish you the best of luck.

Mar 14, 2008
by: Anonymous

you need to get out of this relationship. love or not .onviously he doesnt care as much as you think if hes as childish to put his hands on you. im sorry you have to go through this

Mar 16, 2008
by: Anonymous

Try and be strong. One thing is for certain. Get the hell out of there. The abuse will only get worse. Look in the phone book for domestic violence counsellsers, call your local hospital. There are people who you can turn to. I am sorry to hear about the abouse you suffered growing up. Now you are grown up, don't let it continue. Go to the police when he abuses you. What he is doing is against the law. He really should be charged and locked up. Just don't go back to this guy. Get him out of your life. Concentrate on your school work and getting good grades. Talk to people who you can trust. Don't worry about boyfriends. Your young, you have alot of time for serious relationships.

Mar 17, 2008
by: Anonymous

Get away from that abuse, it is not doing any thing for you . If this man really loved you he would not put his hands on you. He does not care what he does to you he has already tried to kill you. Get out while you can before he does really hurt you, or even kill you. Your life is more vaulable then allowing some man to hit on you. YOU are only 17, with your whole life ahead of you do not through it away for this man, tell your mother get help she will think no less of you. Get out while you can before it is to late, a heart ach only hurts for awhile, but the death of a daughter will hurt forever.

Apr 28, 2008
Tell your mom
by: Anonymous

You need to leave. Tell your mom, by doing that you are being stronger then her. You are getting out before he kills you. That takes strength. She is your mom she is not going to leave you there, she will help you and accept that you have been in an abusive relationship and were strong enough to leave!!!
Your mom was strong enough to leave, include her in this so you can have the support you need ad leave!

May 02, 2008
Please Move On!
by: Elaine Riley

Oh Nicole! Your life right now sounds like an absolute Nightmare! But it doesn't have to stay like this...

You are with someone who simply DOES NOT deserve to be with you. This is not your fault. We all make mistakes; it's a part of growing up. But the biggest mistake you could make is to stay with this person.

Relationships ARE difficult. They are about give and take, about learning to trust and to respect, about getting to know a person. And nothing is easy, or obvious, or clear-cut... People change. People can hide things about themselves, keep secrets, be two-faced...

The point is... YOU may have gone into this relationship wanting to trust, respect and care for your fiance. He may have even started out the same! But his behaviour is no longer about love, care, respect or trust. NOBODY has the right to treat you badly, and if you allow it to continue then it will begin to affect your own self-respect.

Ending a relationship can be painful, but in circumstances like yours, you are already being hurt. The pain of ending a bad relationship slowly leaves. The pain of staying in a bad relationship could be never-ending.

Think carefully about your situation. You are young. You need support. I wold advise you to tell someone what is going on. This could be your mum, a teacher, or if you remain at risk of being hit again, tell the Police. You need to be protected from the risk of further abuse.

It will take a lot of strength to make changes, and to end this current tricky situation; but you CAN do it! You have proven you are strong, otherwise you would not have got this far.

I've got a "room" in the Open Space bit of this website at Elaine's Room, where I've written about my own experiences. If you want, you can take a look at this "room", it might help. But whatever you do, protect yourself, and get help.. TELL someone what's going on. End this relationship, and move on. Good luck to you...

Oct 21, 2008
by: No Name

Run like hell...ur young we all had our first love...get yourself out of can do better. Time heals the heart. Good Luck!

May 20, 2009
time heals the heart but in that time we give ourselves we must LOVE ourselves (myself) before even temting to say I love another
by: maurice

Nicole time heals. if you only began taking one step at a time since last March you should be very confident in yourself. Darlene gave you loving caring suggestions on what you should do on the Spot. Get away from that relationship. All her caring visitors likewise gave you sound thoughts to think about in the set up you had in your life with that not a real Man person.Men who hit women sure are in my book the biggest sissies and cowards and don't deserve to be called human. I am quite angry right now with that man who has beat you up badly. Love/Respect you had that in your heart without the common natural sense ow what you really had for him. He certainly had none for you only power and control as his words. I hope and my prayer is that you have got the hell away from him and his likes. Your mother is a loving caring natural feeling mother talk to her, share with her, listen to her and get all the help you need to be brave and to be strong in doing what is good for you. Hi I bet you have a real friend or two who will look out for you. listen to them and keep safe.

Jun 16, 2009
Forewarned is forearmed
by: Alex

Hi Nicole,

Thank you for sharing. I hope you heeded the comments and suggestions made to you here. It'd be good to hear an update if you could give it. How are you now?
I have also been subject to domestic violence and am taking time to read other people's stories and experiences and to educate myself. There are books out there and there is also information on the internet. I have just finished reading a book called Finally at Peace: A domestic violence survivor's story by Katie Kay.

Good luck and best wishes to you and to all of us!

Jun 16, 2009
New Beginnings after leaving Relationship Violence
by: maurice

Two stories revisited I presume for a reason as I know Darlene keeps an ongoing interest and love concern for all her many visitors which make her site truly genuine sincere and most valuable to each visitor especially the new ones who find it ever so helpful. Nicole, you were ever so brave to leave that brute of a male. Your story I am certain gave great hope to others who find themselves in similar circumstances. Thank You. I hope now you are finding true peace of mind and slowly rebuilding your life. It will take time to love that beautiful Body of yours again. I know you will treat it with tender loving care smoothing away those unwanted bruises laid on by that very inhuman of the male species. Not a real man. Nicole believe there is a good life after leaving such a relationship. I can do it, I will do it and I must do it to I am one very special woman and I never was born to treated like I was with un real male violence towards me. Love yourself in the MIrror. I can now accomplish anything I want in MY LIFE. Go For it Nicole. Thank you Darlene for giving hope to Nicole and your very genuine sincere visitors whom you value and respect with all your heart.

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